fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2357 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2357 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

__________________________________________________

16.

__________________________________________________

17.

__________________________________________________

18.

__________________________________________________

19.

__________________________________________________

20.

__________________________________________________

21.

__________________________________________________

22.

__________________________________________________

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 112 secrets from Secret Submission Post #336.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, she is, and he and I know it. He's had these problems ever since he was really small, and he can trace most all of his problems back to shit she's pulled on him. He lives with me now, and has as little contact as possible with her, but it's been a lifelong problem, so it's pretty ingrained into his way of being. (Which is also why therapy is a moot point - he has no idea how he'd even function without his anxiety.)

That said, getting away from her has helped quite a bit - he's definitely much more confident than he was, but part of that is because he actually has me backing him up, and he feels less like he's blowing shit out of proportion when I'm agreeing with him that she's fucked up.

Uh. I don't usually advocate running off to shrinks (or thumbing through the DSM) but I'm reasonably certain that some types of therapy will basically give him the skills to learn how to function without his anxiety? Just a thought.

People who are unwilling to go to a therapist, or are in therapy under duress, tend to not do so well. Part of what makes therapy work is the patient's desire to be there. If they don't want to be there and/or it's exacerbating their issues, then it's not really a good idea. We both know enough to realize that part of behaviorally managing these sorts of issues is avoiding situations that cause problems. He's been in therapy before and it actually made him worse because it gave him a new thing to be anxious about every week. The meds they had him on didn't help, either.

Believe me, it's an option we're keeping in mind, but it's not a viable one at this point. He functions well enough as he is, it's just not the way she wants him to function.

Which is also why therapy is a moot point - he has no idea how he'd even function without his anxiety.

...so, he shouldn't deal with it and try to get better.

Maybe you're part of the problem, too. You're enabling him. You sitting there saying, "oh sure, honey, you have a problem, but you've had it your entire life, so why try to get better? It would be so different for you to not have a problem that you might not be able to deal with things!"

The fact that he might not currently know how to function without his anxiety doesn't mean he wouldn't be able to. It also doesn't mean that he should just throw his hands up and not seek help for it, and if you honestly, sincerely believe that he shouldn't seek help for the reason that you just gave, then you are no better than his mother. You get something out of him being anxious and dependent on you, so you reinforce his issues and discourage him from dealing with them.

No wonder you "love it."

You and his mom would get along famously.

Please shut up about situations you know next to nothing about.

Touched a nerve there, huh?

Well, prove me wrong, anon. Help him instead of keeping him in this state. Encourage him to do something about it instead of coming up with excuses.

That's pretty harsh, don't you think? Considering how little you know about the actual situation? Or anxiety in the first place, apparently?

I know plenty about anxiety. I spent two years being a virtual shut-in because I was so afraid of everyone except three people.

You know what got me out of it? Getting help. And part of the reason I went out and got it is because one of those three people supported me and encouraged me to do so.

OP isn't supporting or encouraging their partner to do anything about his situation. They're encouraging him to continue having issues. It's never "moot" for a person to go to therapy -- unless it's in someone's interest for that person to stay out of it.

And I'm sure as a person who suffers/suffered from anxiety you are well aware that all anxious people function exactly the same and have the same needs.

I'm sure there isn't a hierarchy of needs going on here either, where getting this guy to therapy might not help very much when his mother will immediately call and destroy what he's built up. Therapy ain't magic, and not everyone can even afford it.

But what do I know? Clearly this person venting on fandomsecrets is a horrible person. Ready the anonymous pitchforks.

Edited 2013-06-17 03:01 (UTC)

How do you know they're not? Hell, they could even have made the entire thing up.

I realize that, which is why I usually try to stay the fuck out of these things, especially when they just appear to be venting. They often have about as much credibility as people asking for donations on tumblr. Could be true, could be bullshit.

I'm just poking the angry anon who's diagnosing an entire situation from a fandomsecrets rant that by definition gives an incomplete picture of the situation.

Oh, are you shit-all-over-everybody!anon? You must be awfully bored tonight.

[ SECRET POST #2357 ]

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck

Re: holy absolute fuck