fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2388 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2388 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Val and Matt]

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03.

[My Chemical Romance]

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04.

[Little House on the Prairie/GoT]

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05.

[The Venture Bros.]

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06.

[Once Upon a Time in Odessa]

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07.

[Gabriel Knight]

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08.

[Dangan Ronpa]

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09.

[America's Cup]

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[Legion]

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[Trailer Park Boys]

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[Warehouse 13]

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13.

[Sugar Bits]

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14.

[Touhou Project, Assassins Creed, Madoka Magica, Rise of the Guardians]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 030 secrets from Secret Submission Post #341.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Anyone interested in a naughty jokes thread? I'll go first.

Why don't Canadian women do group sex?
It takes too long to write thank-you letters to everyone.

Your turn?

in b4 misogyny anon comes in complaining that you're sexualizing women, you foolish sexualizing sexualizer

Remove women from the previous post?

Why don't Canadians do group sex.

Is this better?

I haven't seen them in a while actually. Probably got frustrated Case allowed such a misogynistic atmosphere here and fucked off to a "safe space."

Here's one I heard a while back...

So Adam and Eve are chilling in the Garden of Eden or wherever and suddenly they notice Eve is bleeding from the crotch. They freak out, and Adam suggests she go into the ocean to wash the blood off and see what's going on.

Right as she gets in and starts to wash herself, God says to Adam, "Hey, just thought you should know, that thing that's happening to Eve is normal. But whatever you do, don't let her go into the water when it happens."

Adam is all nervous, of course, because that's exactly what they just did, so he says, "Uh...okay, why not?" God replies:

I was expecting her to attract sharks or something.

i was expecting for it to be something about the red sea

God created the earth and animals and sky, etc, etc. Then he created Eve.

Eve is walking around the garden one day when God approaches. "How are you?" he asks. "How is the garden, life?"

"Oh fine," she says, and begins telling God what she does with her days, the animals she sees and plays with. Then she pauses and says, "There is one thing..."

"Please tell me," God says encouragingly, being a benevolent creator an' all.

"Well, it's my breasts." She gestures to her chest. "The other creatures I see have neat rows of teats in pairs. This third one makes my chest too wide, and the outsides always get in the way of my arms. Would you please make it just two?"

"Sure thing!" says God, and reaches out and plucks the middle breast from Eve's chest. "Better?"

She gives an experimental wiggle, throwing her arms around in windmills as a smile spreads across her face. "Much better, thank you!"

God smiles again as he turns to leave, tossing the extra breast aside.

He returns a couple weeks later in search of his human. "How are you? How's life in the garden."

"Oh fine," Eve says again. She continues at his enquiring look. "I enjoy the garden and the other creatures you've habited it with, but I get lonely sometimes when you're not here. Could you make me a mate? Someone like me, like the others have?"

"Sure thing! Now where'd that extra teat go...?"

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkboard, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to find it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”

Oh, I like this one!

what did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire

see you next month

Edited 2013-07-18 03:32 (UTC)

What's the difference between sex, and anal sex?

One makes your day.

The other makes your whole week.

[ SECRET POST #2388 ]

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