fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2389 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2389 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Avenged Sevenfold]

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[Professor Layton]

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[Yoroiden Samurai Troopers (Ronin Warriors)]

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So, I've got this group of fandom friends, and we get along pretty well. I've never had fandom friends before, and I'm loathe to mess that up, but I've kind of been feeling used, and I'm not quite sure if I'm overreacting or justified.

We all write and we beta for each other. Or, rather, we all write, they beta for each other, I beta for them, but none of them beta for me. I've asked them for help, and whenever I ask, they always say sure, they'd be happy to read my stuff, but when it comes down to it? I don't even think they even open the Google Doc.

I would say that maybe I don't give them enough time, except most recently, two of the people wrote fics, everyone in the group betaed within an hour of posting to the drive, but when I asked for the same the next day? Nothing. I waited two days, and still nothing.

So now I'm caught up in the "Do they just hate what I write?" thing, and I don't even know what to do. I kind of want to send an email that says, "Hey, um, if you aren't going to beta for me, don't pretend that you are, and then I can stop betaing for you. I can handle it and find someone else", but I don't want to piss anyone off. I *like* having fandom friends, even if they can be really shitty sometimes.

Yeah, mostly I just needed to vent. I sound like a really shitty person when I write it all out.

I don't think you're unjustified in being unhappy with the way that's panning out - they're not holding up their end of the agreement. If they're not beta'ing your fics, then don't beta theirs. Just quietly find another beta, and if/when your group asks why you're not beta'ing their fics, tell them it's because nobody was beta'ing yours and you felt it was a little unfair, so you looked elsewhere for a mutual beta. They don't have any justification for getting mad at you - you're simply looking for a more equal exchange.

I do hope you get an actual beta instead of some flakes who might just be using you :/

Are your stories wildly different from theirs? Like, do you write darkfic and they write fluffy romance fic, or do you write about unpopular characters/genres/plots, or are your chapters too long, or something? Because it is odd that they're singling you out like that.

"Hey, um, if you aren't going to beta for me, don't pretend that you are, and then I can stop betaing for you. I can handle it and find someone else"

Although true and fair, that is the kind of thing that would spark drama. Better do like anon above suggested and find a beta outside the group and then, a) accept you're not getting beta services for them but beta for them if you like doing it, or b) stop betaing for them if you feel that it absolutely needs to be a two-way thing for you to be content with the arrangement.

But, yeah, if you're feeling used, then that kills the whole point of having fun in fandom and having friends.

OP

No, we all write for the same pairing and the same sorts of things, which is part of why I feel so sidelined. We even get more or less the same amount of reviews/kudos/whatevers, so I don't think it's fandom jealously either. Like, I'd get it if I was that different from them, but I certainly don't perceive my writing as being that way.

But yeah, I do expect it to be a two way street, given that for the first couple months of our friendship it was. Lately, though, it's turned into the thing I said in my original rant.

You guys are right, of course. I just needed to hear it from other people for sanity checking.

Thanks, f!s!

I guess different writing groups are different, but two days of waiting sounds like a very short expected turnaround unless your piece is well under 1000 words. Still, if you say that fast turnarounds are the norm, maybe wait 4-5 days and then follow up with a "Hey guys, I was wondering if anyone had a chance to look at my fic yet? I'm really interested in your feedback about [specific example of a scene or character] in particular, because I'm not sure it comes off the way I want it to. Thanks, everyone!"

Or if you've beta'ed someone's fic, at the end of your concrit add a really quick, "I'm looking forward to your thoughts about [my fic] and really appreciate your feedback." It could be people being shitty friends because they're inconsiderate bastards who take and don't give, or it could be that your stuff is falling through the cracks. I don't know. Either way, wouldn't hurt to poke around and find more people who are interested in a more reciprocal arrangement.

[ SECRET POST #2389 ]

Need to Vent

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