fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2403 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2403 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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So- my brother might go to jail for drug dealing. We don't know for sure yet, my mom just found a letter from the police in his flat while dropping off some food at his flat. He doesn't know that we know, and he'd better not find out because talking to him about shit like that is not a good idea. I don't know how to feel about this. I think it's actually a good thing because that way, he might finally get it into his head that he's ruining his life. I'm not even sad, I'm just so fucking angry because my parents take it really hard. My mother is just so incredibly sad and blames herself, my father always tried to delude himself that things are not as bad as they are but now he can't pretend anymore. I feel like crap between worrying about my parents and not really caring anymore what's going on with my brother.
At the same time I'm struggling to write my Bachelor thesis which I have not been able to for two years because of depression (which probably has a lot to do with my family situation - I'm actually in a much better place than most people, but it still took a toll on me). This really sucks. I can't talk to anyone about this because my mom asked me not to and anyway, it's not like he's under arrest yet so I there's nothing much to tell. But I just needed to get this off my chest.

Damn. I'm sorry you're going through all that, OP. Take care of yourself and hope that whatever happens does, in fact, become an opportunity for your brother to learn. I hope things turn out okay.

Thank you. Right now, I'm actually hoping he goes to jail - even though he would lose his job and everything - but I fear he will never wake up if he doesn't get to experience so severe consequences for the shit he's pulling.

Thanks, again.

I'm sorry, OP. :( Maybe it will be the catalyst for the whole family dynamic to change for the better?

Thank you. I actually hope so - even though there is the chance that he won't learn anything from that and just go back to what he was doing before. But there still is the chance that he finally gets it into his head that he can't keep fucking shit up and that my parents are not his enemies and are only trying to help him. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

And it's free!

I'm sorry it's bringing you all so much stress, hon. It's ok that you're feeling that way because it can help you heal, too. My family had to deal with something similar, so I'm familiar with the conflicting feelings. I have little sympathy for people involved in drugs, stemming from personal experience, especially if they're causing harm to those around them, but that doesn't make it any less sucky.

I know your mom doesn't want you to talk about it (just?) outside the family, but it sounds like you need to talk to someone to find some emotional support. Is she afraid of airing dirty laundry, or bringing embarrassment or judgement down on the family? Is there someone in the family you could talk to, just to give voice to your concerns? My school had a great psychological support center, do you know if yours does? Hell, talk to your walls. Talking out loud helps me when I need to work through something, and often leads down different paths than just ruminating on the same labyrinth in my head.

Hugs if you want 'em, knowing nods if you don't. Hope you find some calm and peace soon.

Thank you.
I always found it's quite hard to be in a company of people who all think "hey, smoking weed is completely harmless and fun, let's all share" when I've seen what this comparatively harmless drug can do to people. So I always excuse myself from those groups when they start with it.
I hope things in your family are okay again!

I guess she is. She keeps saying she doesn't care what people say, but I know that it would still bother her. Especially since we live in a fairly small village - even if my brother lives in another town, he still has friends here. News travel fast and people are quick to point fingers and blaming others. But nothing has happened yet in this particular situation (administration works slowly), so there's nothing to do but wait.

Thank you for your suggestions. I'm not much for talking loud, but I found that The Thoughts Room website really helps getting things off my chest. I'm not yet sure I want to seek professional help. And it also helps talking to my mother about this - I feel like I can help her a little because, despite all, I am still able to look at my brother's situation objectively, and that's a good thing.
I feel like, at least, I'm finally able to tackle that thesis (it's not even that much, I just couldn't find the motivation to start on it. I was completely stuck) - not for myself but for my parents, so they don't have another child who fucks up their life. They have already been so very patient with me as well.

Thanks again for the e-hugs and good wishes.

[ SECRET POST #2403 ]

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