[ SECRET POST #2406 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2406 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 077 secrets from Secret Submission Post #344.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Secret 12 (warning for negative talk about transgenderism/transsexuality)

[transcriptanon]

[Picture is... okay I'm sure it's some sort of symbol but it kinda looks like a cursive letter "V" that got drunk and spiraled out of control when it tried to join the next letter and then vomited a dot somewhere along the way, and I tried drawing it on GIMP and then reverse-searching that through Google but I got nothing.]

I really feel like the most awful person for this. Hence, the secret. I swear to god I have nothing against trans* people. I even went through a phase of mild gender dysphoria myself from my teenaged years to young adulthood, settling now into a genderfluid identity with a usually femme presentation. So I can't say "ZOh My God I totally know the feeling!", but I'm not foreign to the concept.

But trans*headcanons in fandom make me terribly uncomfortable. I backbutton the fuck out of them. I don't know why! I like fics when characters play with gender, but when characters go full-blown Male To Female or Female To Male I stop reading. I suspect it's because I mostly read porn, and trans* sex scenes... somehow are a "no" to me. I used to rationalize it thinking it was because those fics were almost always written by cis people who would only fetishize trans* bodies, but now it has gotten to a point in which actual trans* people on tumblr I follow post their headcanons and I get /so much second hand embarrassment/. I know the problem is mine but I still they're... well, really pushy. It's like every character under the sun is trans* for them, and I want to yell "NOT EVERYBODY IS GENDER-VARIANT, GODDAMMIT". It's worse when it's a character I love. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I fail at fandom and at queerness. And now I wonder if I'm mildly transphobic, and I hate the idea, and myself.