fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2416 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2416 ⌋

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So I'm like super tempted to message a former coworker and hit him up for some casual sex. We run in adjacent social circles. Enough for me to know he's not a undercover douchebag and that he's not really a long-term relationship guy but not adjacent enough that it'll be awkward if he turns me down or the sex is awful or something.

I'm relatively sure he'd be agreeable but my friends are pretty much all in agreement it's a horrible idea and friends-with-benefits always result in someone ending up pregnant, dead, heartbroken, or all three. I'm not as experienced with dating as them but... they're all kind of drama queens who just don't enjoy being chill so I don't know how serious to take their advice. I do kind of have a history with guys getting too clingy and involved but that was when I was dating them and not when there was an ~understanding~.

I just want to hit it and quit it f!s. Please share with me ~~all the anecdata that supports my hypothesis this is a fantastic idea~~ your wisdom.

Well, no matter how much protection you have, there will always be some small chance of pregnancy. (Unless someone is sterile, of course) The risk is yours to make, so go for it if you want to. Just be upfront that it's just casual sex, and not something special.

As long as one of the players has a uterus and is fertile, there is always some chance of pregnancy. This is reality.

All the rest is stereotypes and expectation.

It is absolutely possible to sleep with someone and have nothing come with it but friendship. I know, because I've done it: I screwed someone for fun years ago; neither of us became attached, and we're still good friends, despite us having stopped sleeping together long ago and despite us now both being seriously involved with other people.

You have to lay ground rules, and you have to be completely willing to stop the sexin' if complications enter the picture. Head any issues off at the pass, and you should be fine and have a good time.

I'm aware of the precautions necessary and the remaining risk. All good on that front. :)

And thanks. One of the things that has me thinking this is a great idea is that we don't have a friendship that might make things awkward. Just sort of an antagonistic flirting when in the same vicinity of each other by happenstance and if he agrees I don't exactly intend on following or preceding the activities with any date-like activities.

Edited (borked sl) 2013-08-15 00:24 (UTC)

if you're sure he's not the vengeful type or someone to hold grudges or whatever in case the whole thing doesn't work out, eh, why not? go for it!

the biggest risk was him badmouthing you and making a future career awkward if you run in the same circles, but it doesn't seem to be the case?

It has worked for me in the past, even when I was doing no strings attached sex with my ex (he was available and we where both single at the time)...

I've also done the friends with benefits thing with a woman over a period of like 3 years (on and of, as we didn't when we had partners)...

And that is all I am comfortable to share about my sex life for today, just message me if you want to talk!

ive had sex with almost all of my guy friends at some point or another and there's never been strings attached or anything. i know some of them have expressed interest in me beyond our friendship/occasional sex thing but they know im romantically committed and theyve never insisted (theyre good friends tbh)

i mean i guess it's always a risk that someone will develop feelings or smth but i say go for it

also most of said friends are ones ive had since childhood so we're in it for the long haul and we all know each other really well so it was pretty easy to manage ? it might be different in your case idk but i don't see an issue (obviously)

Your friends are being over-dramatic. Friends with benefits and casual sex have worked just fine in my experience. Sometimes some conflict of interest comes up even if you're upfront about your casual intentions, but even then there hasn't been any major drama. So, go for it and best of luck!

Every single time I've tried for it, it ended disastrously - declarations of love, being called a heartless cow when I didn't return their feelings even though I'd made it clear that this wasn't going anywhere - with one guy moving all the way to Montreal, and both trying to ruin all of my friendships out of spite (they were both in the same circle of friends before, and demanded everyone else stop hanging out with me - luckily, it worked in neither case).

So, uh... better luck to you.

[ SECRET POST #2416 ]

No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?

Re: No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?

Re: No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?

The pregnancy thing was me illustrating their hyperbolic doom and gloom.

Re: No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?

Re: No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?

Re: No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?

Re: No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?

Re: No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?

Re: No Strings Attached Sex, Is It Ever Really?