[ SECRET POST #2433 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2433 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 073 secrets from Secret Submission Post #348.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[saku]

you're right, sexuality is entirely about sexual attraction. however demisexuality isn't just that - it's also the circumstances under which the sexual attraction occurs.

it is also pretty offensive in its implications. i'd advise not using it, and it would be easier just saying you don't sleep with people unless you are emotionall close to them - as that is something people will understand, without the gross subtleties - but do as you will.

[vethica]

I know what you're saying. I really do. I don't want to offend people. But having a word for how I am makes me feel more... normal, and less like a freak, I guess, and I don't want to give that up either. :c

[saku]

i guess that's fair enough. i just don't think the idea necessitates a label, but w/e.

[vethica]

It's okay. I'll work on trying to bring it up less, and hopefully that will help. Thanks for being civil, in any event. I really do appreciate it. :)

[(Anonymous)]

how is doing what 90% of people on the planet do (either from choice or social conditioning) somehow being 'a freak'?

[vethica]

I think most of the people on the planet are capable of a much wider range of sexual attraction than I am. This tumblr post explains it better than I can, albeit in a rather satirical manner.

If we want to be anecdotal, for a long time I wasn't sexually attracted to anyone. Then I became sexually attracted to one person, but no one else. Then I discovered asexuality. But that was defined as no sexual attraction to any people, so I knew I couldn't be asexual, even though the rest of the definition seemed to fit. But I couldn't think of myself as hetero-, bi-, or pansexual either, since one person isn't much of a sample size. So I didn't know what I was for a while, and that is why I felt like a freak.

[(Anonymous)]

But why do you need a label for that? And why do you assume that other people are less freaks than you are?
Sexual drive is a biological thing, and as such many components get into the equation : hormones, brain chemistry, upbringing etc. It's as complex as the weather, and we can't predict the weather past a few days with the most complex computers.

So why do people think that biology could fit into a few square boxes where people are either this or that and there's no middle-ground? Not everyone works the same way, period

[(Anonymous)]

for God's sake you are not a freak for wanting an emotional connection before having sex (I'd say the majority of people are like that, whatever they may claim) and anyone who tried to imply you were is simply plain wrong. You don't need a damn label, other people need to shut the hell up about your choices, which are YOURS.

/Straight and had precisely one (1) sexual relationship in my life (still going on, it's called marriage)here. Also boggling.

[(Anonymous)]

That's not actually what demisexuality is, tho

I "want an emotional connection before having sex," but I am not demisexual, because I am capable of finding people sexually attractive based on how they look. That doesn't mean I want to run out and fuck them, but I am still attracted to them. That's the difference; that's what demisexual people don't experience.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

Then is demisexuality different from being aromantic but not asexual?

[vethica]

Yes, if you're an aromantic who's sexually attracted to people regardless of prior emotional connection. I know at least one person like that.

[vethica]

Yes, exactly what above anon said. It doesn't have to do with the amount of sex I want to have or choosing to have or not have a sexual relationship. It is about my physical capacity to feel sexual attraction to people.

[(Anonymous)]

There's not actually anything "offensive" about a person calling themselves demisexual unless you assume that they're saying a lot of additional things that they may not really be saying. The only "gross subtleties" present are the ones you're bringing to the table.

[saku]

apparently you've never watched or heard somebody describe what their demisexuality means to them, because it always boils down to being ~different for not having loads of casual sex like all those other "sluts" out there. there's always that implication.