fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2438 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2438 ⌋

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i posted here a while back about troubles with my co-worker, who's passive-agressive and keeps trying to manage everything i do.

last week she tried to tell me how to put a straw in a drink.
i wish i was making this up.

i think this is exacerbated by the fact that we're working in a small business, run by a couple who are rarely there (and not exactly amazing at managing things, sometimes we run out of stuff.) so there's no clear "hierarchy" or delineation of roles.

anyway, i was talking it over a bit with my mum, and she thinks i should take a more direct approach - just talk to the co-worker, and tell her
"hey this is making me feel incompetent and awful (i'm SURE you don't mean it that way), and also you don't need to tell me what to do all the time because it's a waste of your energy and mine. i'm sure you have important things to take care of instead. okay? okay."

or something along those lines.

i'm thinking of writing something up, and making sure it's all very carefully worded and practicing it.
(if this doesn't work, i'll just keep recording stuff, and i guess i'll just have to talk to the boss about it eventually.)

is this a good idea, F!S?

I would go with the second part of what you said- tell her directly how you don't need to be told what to do. Instead of the very last sentence (just cause THAT sounds passive aggressive) maybe tell her you'll ask her if you do need any help.

It is generally good to try to deal with if yourself first. Just remember not to make your written thing too long... if you have to rely on reading to get you through, it could get messed up if they interrupt you.

I have a somewhat similar relationship with my co-worker, except I don't know if your coworker is as much of an idiot as mine in the process. At least in my case, being blunt is the one thing that shuts her up for a while. she tends to say shit like 'make sure you do ___ ' sometimes - and it can be really minor like your straw thing, like taking the lid off my lunch when I put it in the microwave. I typically turn around with 'yeah, I KNOW' or 'I'm not an idiot' but that's a more rude approach and she annoys me easily but it does the job. just be direct, but nicer than me :)

you can write it down to practice it, but say it to her rather than giving her a note (don't know if you were intending to give her a note, but just in case that kind of thing usually goes bad as well as being a physical object she could take to your boss & use to complain about you).

maybe add something like 'i know you're trying to help and you don't mean to make me feel this way, but your advice makes me feel _______.' there's a possibility she won't react well to this at all. but i guess that's when it's time to take it to your boss. on that note, you could make a rough record of how she treats you so you have something to reference if it comes to that.

there's a possibility that your boss won't be sympathetic if it gets to that, or would just expect you guys to sort it out between yourselves - at which point the only options would be, to paraphrase a phrase, to 'get touch or get going'. or, you know, take it to whatever type of fair work commissiony-thing you have access to.

for what it's worth, i've been in two hospitality positions with micro-managing supervisors. my way of handling this was to try to ignore them and get on with the job, but that basically meant i was extremely unhappy for the few months i continued working at both places. so i commend you for trying to sort it out and i hope it goes well :)

This...but I would add to make sure you keep what day [and possibly what time] the things you record happen. It's a lot easier to dismiss "Well, she's done X" than it is "She did X, on Sept. 5, while we were shelving" [just as an example.]

[ SECRET POST #2438 ]

confronting passive-agressive co-worker

Re: confronting passive-agressive co-worker

Re: confronting passive-agressive co-worker

Re: confronting passive-agressive co-worker

Re: confronting passive-agressive co-worker

Re: confronting passive-agressive co-worker