fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2439 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2439 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

07. [SPOILERS for Iron Man 3]

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08. [SPOILERS for Naruto Shippuden - Road to Ninja]

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09. [SPOILERS for Psycho Pass]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

10. [WARNING for suicide]

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11. [WARNING for rape? i think]

[orange is the new black]

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12. [WARNING for rape]

[Sherlock Holmes 2009]

Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My grandpa died roughly five years ago, and to this day I haven't cared one bit. Not then, not a few weeks afterward, not now. And I don't know why. I was close to him when I was little. (Not super duper close, because I only saw him a few times a year, but close like a little kid and a far-off relative, you know?) He was a gambler, and taught me card games. It was a lot of fun. I grew apart from him as I got older, but I had nothing against him. Yet the only thing that bothered me when he died was that I had to rush down to his funeral on short notice, on a weekend, and I had my period.

It doesn't even bother me that I don't care. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty for not caring. I feel like something's wrong with me. Even if I wasn't close to him when he died, and even if it wasn't a shock (it was shortly after his second stroke), I should still be a little upset, right? I mean, we were relatively close when I was a kid, so doesn't that matter?

We deal with grief in different ways.

Maybe if you felt already emotionally detached, you remained so to protect yourself subconciously.

When my grandma died, I went to an amusement park the next day. I wanted to feel alive, I guess. In some ways I feel sadder now, 3 years on, than then.

Don't feel guilty for feelings, or lack thereof.

When it comes to death and other huge things, there really aren't any true emotional shoulds.

I reacted the same way when my aunt dies a few years ago. She was a nice woman, who taught me things, but I never got to see her often since we lived so far away. I was in the room when she died. I didn't cry, not once, about her. I doesn't mean I didn't care, but I just didn't feel bad about it. I was actually a bit happy for her, because she wasn't in pain anymore. I'm not trying to overshadow you or anything; I guess I'm just trying to say that it's not bad or or weird for you to respond that way.

I know I don't think of death in a typical way. I have that view where death is neither good nor bad, but just happens. Missing someone hurts, but you don't always respond to hurt in usual ways, and you don't always miss someone once they're gone. There's nothing wrong with it.

Everyone deals with grief differently. I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. As long as you remember the happy times you had with your grandfather and don't think poorly on him, I don't see any reason you should feel any differently than you do. Maybe it's not that you don't care, but that it just hasn't affected you negatively.

I think that if a person hasn't been a part of your life for a long enough time, you aren't going to feel the loss of them that much even if, once upon a time, you were fairly close.

There was this kid that I was fairly good friends with for a couple of years in elementary school. I remember going to his house to play a couple of times when we were little kids. Then we drifted apart, went to different schools, etc. When I was in high school, I found out that he'd died of a brain aneurism. I was surprised and a little disturbed at how little that news affected me. I mean, it was sad and I thought about how awful it must have been for his family, but it didn't really hit me personally the way it would have if the same thing had happened to a current close friend. And I think that's normal.

Try not to feel bad for the way you're reacting (or not reacting) to your grandfather's death, OP. If he wasn't really a part of your life anymore, there's little reason for you to be deeply and personally affected.

With old or very sick people it can feel very natural when it happens and even give some relief. No need to feel guilty about that. It's what people refer to when they say it's part of life. And it is.

I get that. I remember being pretty sad when both of my grandparents died (3 years ago and 5 years ago). But now.. when an aunt or uncle or grandparent on the other side gets sick or has some kind of medical emergency, I don't feel anything.

It sounds bad but I guess I've already had so many people close to me die before (close friends and even siblings) that.. eventually you get tired of grieving all the time. Or something.

[ SECRET POST #2439 ]

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