fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2445 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2445 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Breaking Bad]

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[Cillian Murphy]

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[Robert Downey Jr.]

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[Star Trek]

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[Homestuck]

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Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

When I'm in high school at 16 severely bullied and with obvious anxiety disorders they take the psychiatrist's word that I can't drive as gospel.

even after I leave high school and we are in a new location and i'm looking for a job they continue to take it as gospel . "You can't drive , it's your fault because you did shitty in highschool that was YOUR choice. stop asking"

I get good grades in college and it's still "no you can't drive forget about it rely on us, we'll take you places." plus a heaping dose of 'well you have to prove you'll take college seriously before we'll pay for it,because we don't want you to waste our money." Which they're kind of off and on about. "You should apply for [college] it's all online and you can do it from home" and then "you did poorly in online classes we're not paying for that."

We move suddenly and they tell me "don't tell your boss you're moving until the last month! We don't know where we're going to live" . and in the last month welll......it's a bit too late to get a fucking transfer and I have to quit. Then it's "well you need to find a job in two months or we'll cut off internet access. It's a big city so there should be no excuse." and "we have to threaten you or you won't do it" "we don't want you to be stuck living with us forever but we're also scared of you being on the road because you're irresponsible. Just let us drive you everywhere"

Finally a doctor says they should consider the possibility of driving and then it's "but you need to prove you're responsible. you haven't proved us that yet" and back to "get a job if you want to drive" "You're not working haaard enough" "why don't you let us help you , you're way isn't working" "you obviously don't want it enough.

and in the end "don't blame us for how your life turned out we're not responsible for that, you are." "Most of your hurt is self inflicted."

and I just. BLOW. UP. and can't take their shit anymore and "your hurting us too, your words hurt"

GEE LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW.

Fuck this...you know what? I'm not eating today. If I don't eat and just drink all day they'll KNOW somethings wrong. Just..nope I can't put up with this anymore. They have to see they're hurting me.

*curls up with stuffed animals and dreams of when they were decent*

I'm sorry, anon. It's a horrible situation and your parents sound like real unpleasant people and I'm sorry you're in this situation and I'm sorry you're in pain.

Please don't hurt yourself. Please don't starve yourself or do anything else to hurt yourself. I understand why you would want to do it - I'm not saying it's a bad impulse, it's a cry for help and it's a cry for attention and recognition and you deserve attention and recognition, you really do. But I don't think you should do it because you'll be hurting yourself, and that's bad - you shouldn't need to hurt yourself, you shouldn't be in pain. It is a bad thing for you to hurt yourself because hurting yourself is bad.

I don't really have any practical advice. I don't know what practical advice I can give you. I guess I would say that it seems like your parents are not really people that you can or should rely on, or that you should necessarily listen to absolutely. To the extent that you can, maybe try to not rely on them as much as you can. Please seek whatever help you can get outside the family, in whatever ways - whether it be friends, whether it be therapists independent of your family, whatever. And don't listen to them and let them tell you you're worthless because you're not.

This is a short story I like: http://fasterthanfashion.blogspot.com/2006/06/saucer-of-loneliness.html I don't know. Read it, if you feel like it. It's something that's had a lot of meaning for me . I don't know.

Good luck, anon. Good luck.

Thank you and I didn't go through with it....I'm glad I didn't.

I don't really have proper internet access right now (on my phone) but I think I'll be able to read it tomorrrow.

I'll just wait until I get a psychiatrist or counselor and explain myself to them.

[ SECRET POST #2445 ]

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