[ SECRET POST #2448 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2448 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #350.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

How do you become less of a people pleaser /doormat

[(Anonymous)]

I've realized that I have a people pleasing personality. Being someone who has social issues to to Asperger's syndrome (*sigh* or as some would say mild autism. Please don't yell at me for naming my disorder I know it's not on the DSM-IV.) I'm really concerned with not accidentally offending my friends and hurting them. But I think I went overboard with that and turned into a people pleaser. I always get upset when someone snaps at me or even if I'm just dealing with a stranger who's tearing me down I'll sometimes get really bothered by it and feel bad. How can I stop feeling like that?

What do I tell myself so when someone's yelling and being rude I won't take it personally? I want to still sympathetic to people I love but I'd like to be able to tell myself "they're just having a bad day" if a person close to me snipes at me, and if I have a strong disagreement with a friend or they dislike something i like it won't make me feel like I just have awful taste.

The only time I'm not really sensitive is if I see the person acting rude to abunch of others (and decide they're just an unpleasant person) or if I'm in a manic rage and then I don't like who I am either.

Re: How do you become less of a people pleaser /doormat

[(Anonymous)]

Erm..well,I'm not sure that's really being a *doormat*,unless you're saying you have problems saying "no" to people when they ask you to do/for something you really don't want to do/give. What you're describing sounds like just being sensitive.

Sad part is, there isn't really a way to "solve" it. You can grow a tougher skin, but how you do that will depend on you as a person, or you can accept who you are and embrace the good *and* bad aspects of it.

Re: How do you become less of a people pleaser /doormat

[(Anonymous)]

*nods*

I guess. I mean there are good things about my sensitive / emotional nature, like being able to use my string feelings in my writing.

Re: How do you become less of a people pleaser /doormat

[(Anonymous)]

Be more selfish. Stop excusing people's shitty behavior when it doesn't deserve excuses. Just because someone is having a bad day, does it mean they should be taking it out on you, friend or stranger? Stand up for yourself when people are trying to make you feel bad about things you shouldn't. If people disagree with your opinion or taste and treat it like you have shitty taste, don't stoop to their level. Try to agree to disagree and if they can't do that, remind them that just because they don't agree with something, that doesn't mean it sucks. You can be sympathetic and remember your feelings count too. Good luck.

Re: How do you become less of a people pleaser /doormat

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah. *nods* Thanks.

I notice that when you're on the internet ,standing up for yourself and calling out someone who's being rude to you just gets responded with "you're just butthurt" and mocked. Or the person who you stood up to just throws out another insult about how "retarded", "pathetic" or "stupid" you are. On an intellectual level I know it's just a last ditch effort to get the last word but sometimes it still stings.

I'll work on it though.

Re: How do you become less of a people pleaser /doormat

[(Anonymous)]

I know this advice sounds ridiculous, but pretend to be it, and you will actually become it. I pretended to be that confident type who didn't give a shit about what anyone thought of her, and not long ago I realized I wasn't pretending anymore. I really had become that girl.

It was weird, because most of my life I was a VERY insecure, shy girl. It would cause me insane amounts of anxiety to ask for directions, or call up the pizza place. I had an emotional breakdown once when someone asked me to go up onstage once. But now I'm that person everyone asks to go up to someone to ask a question. I'm really open with new people. I'm active in class and new groups. And I just... stop freaking out about what people think of me.

So for you... do you love any character in fiction that's really a hardass or just really strong-willed? If so, maybe just copy them for a little while. Pretend to be in their shoes. Imagine how they would respond to the situation you're in. And maybe eventually you'll find yourself being more like them.

Re: How do you become less of a people pleaser /doormat

[(Anonymous)]

That's a new way of looking at it.

I know one character that is really willful and perseverant, and she probably wouldn't crumble if someone was being petty and rude to her.

I'll try to do it that way. Thanks, that really helps. :)