fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2450 ]

[ SECRET POST #2450 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2450 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #350.
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Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can't work out a noninflammatory way to say so just gonna tl;dr it

I got called transphobic because I, a lesbian, do not find ladies with penises sexually attractive. I gave it quite a lot of thought, but eventually concluded that while I don't care that they're in the wrong body, I am turned off if they have a penis.

But I think if I was dating a girl and she came out to me that she was born a man (but no longer is) - I think after some surprise I wouldn't care so much. It's just the penis versus vagina is deciding factor.

idk if I'm describing that right, as it's such a tricky issue to explain at what point someone is no longer sexually attractive (for me, ID's as male or has a penis)

Yeah that's a whole wank that's been happening in the trans* community lately. Personally I have no problem with the idea that the physical body is an important factor in attraction and some people just will not be attracted to penis/vagina. Has nothing to do with shaming or phobic or anything, just another facet of sexual attraction as far as I'm concerned.

ayrt

oh is THAT where it's coming from? Yeah the accusation felt very out of the blue as I wasn't entirely sure if I'd done anything actively transphobic and I'm not sure I would classify my sexual interests in certain types of women as transphobic - but I was mostly baffled. I don't /want/ to be transphobic, but I am also NOT interested in penises - no matter the gender of the person it is attached to

Sexual attraction is different for each person, and you aren't transphobic just because you aren't physically attracted to penises.

Yeah, some people have the argument that: they identify as a woman, you say you're attracted to women, so saying you're not attracted to them is invalidating their identity and thus transphobic. Personally I think it's ridiculous.

Sounds more like somebody mad they aren't getting any tonight.

You are hanging in tumblr too much if you even have to question that. Until you actively start hating people born in the wrong body, you are fine. Not wanting to fuck someone with the equipment you are uninterested in doesn't count.

ayrt

haha most likely I have - it was just so out of the blue I had to stop and think about it as I wasn't so sure and some people were really up in arms about it but...can't force yourself to find someone attractive o_O

Exactly! And that's absolutely fine. The only way you could go wrong with this is if you were lying to yourself or others trying to fit into some dumb inclusive definition, as that could lead to actual misunderstandings and hurt feelings and regrets.

Not trying to appropriate shit here, but nothing wrong with being true to who you are!

at the end of the day, not being attracted to someone does not make you phobic of them or bigoted. attraction or lack thereof never makes you a bigot. never ever.

^yeah. There is this weird belief out there that in order to show your support and respect for something, you have to want to have sex with it. Pretty skeeve, esp when it turns into privileged people patting each other on the back for fetishising minorities.

"Has a penis" is pretty good excluding criteria for a lesbian.

I'm assuming this happened on tumblr? Or other parts of the internets?

Though imagining some shot down transwoman drunk at a bar slurring "your transphobic bitch!" is rather hilarious.

But think of it this way. I, I cis male hit on you. You counter with "I'm a lesbian. Penis don't do it for me." I call you a heterophobe.

How seriously would you take that? Would you honestly fucking care if I was "inflamed?" I'm guessing no. Apply that same attitude to this situation. Namely, anybody who'd get inflamed by something as basic as being consistent with your self-identified sexual preference is not somebody you need to care about inflaming.

i think that's a really difficult thing to discuss. ultimately people have their own preferences and you can't help not being sexually attracted to certain genitalia. not all trans* people keep the parts they were born with, so i don't think your preferences are inherently transphobic. your lack of attraction doesn't stem from their identity or their status as a trans* person, it stems from something physical about them. i'm not going to delve into whether or not that's "right" or whatever but if you don't like dicks then that's the end of the discussion. you don't have to force yourself to like them.

Whatever it's called, I feel the same way (except I'm for penis and not a fan of vagina.) I don't know why it's a big deal, but then I've never experienced that problem myself, so I don't really get it probably.

I'm a female-assigned-at-birth genderqueer person; I absolutely do not feel insulted or offended that gay men wouldn't be attracted to my body. If that helps. Lots of people tell me that I should be offended because sometimes I pass as male, but seriously, most gay people don't find the genitalia of the opposite sex at all enticing. It's not a matter of being phobic as far as I'm concerned.

No one is entitled to your sexual interest. Not being attracted to someone is not an act of oppression or bigotry. You have no obligation to use your body to validate others. Calling you transphobic for not wanting to fuck someone is stupid.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2450 ]

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