fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2450 ]

[ SECRET POST #2450 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2450 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #350.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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I apologize for bothering you all...my parents offered a little bit of help.

I shouldn't have said anything....God I feel like a horrible human being. I'm sorry everyone.

YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING.

Jesus. Shit happens, sometimes people have emotions and that's okay. Just try to do as good as you can.

*nods* okay

Sorry, that might have come off harsh. But... you're not a horrible person. You aren't. And saying that you are is emotional overreaction - it's this urge to flay yourself and think how you're total shit and you deserve to be in pain the way you are - and it doesn't have any connection to reality, it's just a bad mental habit, one that you should try to combat as much as possible.

Even the fact that you do this doesn't make you a horrible person, or anything of the sort - because I know that's often my reaction when I get to thinking this way - "Well, the fact that I think I'm an awful person and feel so miserable just proves that I am an awful person". It's not true. You're just a person, a person with problems.

*nods*

it's just...I feel bad that I spent all this time venting and saying negative observations about my parents and then they're nice to me. Then I remembered all the nice loving things they've done and I feel awful.

I do believe I should work on not thinking the worst as well. Thank you.

Good for you, OP; you made a mistake & admitted to it, that's GOOD. It doesn't make you a horrible person. Also, a bit belatedly here - I realise you're going through anxiety issues and you live in a small town, but CALL PEOPLE. Say things like, "Hi, I was looking for a job here and I was wondering what the hours were," or something else that's not specified in the job ad, like, "Does this role require Y and Z skills?".

Often those stupid endless lists of crap ("We need you to have pet bears, a Master's in Interplanetary Diplomacy, and the kitchen sink!") are there to scare off people as well as weed them out. I called my local (franchised) coaching college and they hired me; and I believe their site said explicitly NOT to call them.

I apologise if you already know this, but my parents told me this thousands of times and I thought they were behind the times and never believed them, and now I realise they're right. :P

Sorry for cutting in here again, but ...

People can still be loving parents and still be terrible to their children. It's actually a very common pattern in most abusers; they're nice most of the time but can still switch to abusive behaviors and back again. My grandparents, the worst parents I have ever seen, will utterly confused if they were ever accused of bad parenting.

I can't judge if your parents are abusive to you, OP, that's your call. But even if you think they're not, being nice does not excuse the times that they've hurt you, and it seems like they've been hurting you a lot. That's not acceptable no matter how nice they've been otherwise and how well-meaning they're trying to be. A relationship with someone is not a give-or-take game where one nice action automatically counteracts a cruel one. So don't feel bad because you're not able to do that.

A relationship with someone is not a give-or-take game where one nice action automatically counteracts a cruel one.

And similarly, one bad action does not automatically negate a host of good ones, although you are certainly speaking as if it did. By your assessment, no one would escape being an ~abuser unless they were always said and did exactly the right thing for the moment, never lost their temper, and excused an infinite amount of less than stellar behavior by the other party. Let's just say that people who love each other can hurt each other and leave it at that.

"YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING"

Agree to disagree.

Especially with the hilarious ever escalating claims of illness to explain why they can't do anything. Nothing funnier than watching someone bidding up to get sympathy. I expect if it goes on long enough the OP will claim to have smallpox, the black death, ebola, and have been dead for ten years.

You know, for someone who keeps accusing OP of exaggerating, you certainly are a teeny tiny bit overreacting yourself. I even agree that OP goes a bit OTT with the escalating illness claims, but you really need to get your priorities straight if you actually think someone is a "horrible person" because of trivial shit like this.

Fuck off, you horrible shit.

Oooohhhh no. Don't do that to yourself OP.

Say it with me: you have a right to ask for help. I mean it. I've read most of this thread and this is something it seems to need to take on board.

Everyone in the world has needed help at least once in their lives, from kids to full grown adults. We, as a species, are designed to live in communal groups that support each other emotionally to the point that being alone without human contact is a form of torture. Wanting to have a little emotional support, some understanding, is a part of being human.

So I know that you want to fall into the trap of thinking of yourself as a failure, but you can't let that happen. Not simply because you aren't a failure, but because needing help is not a weakness. You might need help today, you might need help again ten years from now, and that is okay.

And honestly, don't feel guilty because your parents offered 'a little bit' of help. From the sounds of it you're in some real pain and they've done nothing but make it even worse. Offering you help is the very least they could do, and you shouldn't feel bad because they've finally gathered enough compassion to help you.

If I were you, I'd still be looking for other ways of getting help and support outside your parents, because I doubt that they can be trusted. There might be a community outreach center, a church, a charity, anything, that could provide you with the help to get some therapy and get some independence from your parents. Since you've just moved, you need to build a support group that you can turn to when you need help that your parents can't or won't provide.

I honestly wish you the best, OP. You can do it.

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