fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2452 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2452 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Giles Coren and Sue Perkins, The Supersizers Eat… The Eighties]

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[Jeff Davis/Teen Wolf]

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[Django Unchained]

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[Valiant Hearts: The Great War]

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[Child of Light]

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[Jurassic Park]

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[Hate Plus]

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[The Three Investigators]

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[Charlie Hunnam]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 011 secrets from Secret Submission Post #350.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A long time ago I was trying to figure out whether I was asexual, and I posted on AVEN's forums a lot. After awhile I started to feel embarrassed about posting there and attempted to delete all my posts. I was able to get most of them but there are still some there.

Now, several years later, my two best friends are having relationship issues, due to (in my opinion) one of them being asexual. They don't realize it's a thing, and I think linking them to AVEN could be helpful. The thing is, I don't want them to start reading the forums and figure out that one of the posters was me since I posted some pretty private things that I don't want them knowing. I've thought of contacting the site and seeing if they could delete the rest of my posts, but I don't remember the password to my account and I no longer have access to the email address I used to sign up so I have no way of proving my posts were mine.

Anyone have advice on what to do?

Do you really think they're going to read back through the archives and find your posts? Was your username strongly connected to your RL identity?

op

Not my username so much (although it is vaguely connected to a thing my friends know I'm a fan of) but I stupidly gave specific details about my job that I think they'd be able to figure out.

How would they know it was you? And if it was awhile ago wouldn't your posts be pretty buried anyway? I've never been to the forums but from my understanding it's a pretty busy place.

op

I was specific enough with details about my job that I think someone who knows me well could figure it out (I know it was stupid of me to give that much information in the first place which is why I tried to delete the posts). I'm probably just being paranoid that they'd go back far enough to find my posts though (it was around 6 years ago).

My advice: don't diagnose your friends' sexualities, no matter how much you think it might help them. Let them work it out on their own.

op

I would agree with you, except they've specifically come to me for advice with their issues, repeatedly. I'm the only other person that knows about their situation and though in any other case I would feel like it's not my business and to stay out of it, they were the ones that brought me into it so I feel like I should try to help as much as I can. I'm not trying to diagnose anything, it was just a thought I had as to something that might explain what's going on with them and if it's something that could possibly help them figure things out that would be awesome because I care about them both and hate how much this whole thing is hurting them.

Why not instead of just linking them actually open up a dialogue and discuss the idea of asexuality/sexualities? Talking, it's awesome.

This...but remember that, at the end of the day, your opinion of someone else's sexuality doesn't matter. If they say they aren't? Then they aren't, and that's where you should leave it.

Also, Aven is...um...Well. It can be really clique and really touchy about some things. So not someplace I'd recommend sending them *unless* they want more information about asexuality. And even then I'd leave it at Aven's wiki.

op

Like I said above, normally I would just stay out of it but since they're constantly coming to me for advice I feel like I should help as much as I can. And if the subject came up and they both knew what it was and didn't feel it applied in their situation then I'd drop it but I'm almost positive neither of them realize it's a thing that exists.

And I agree that AVEN can be kind of weird, it just seems to be the biggest/most popular site about asexuality out there and figured the information might still be helpful.

op

Oh I definitely planned on it. I wasn't just going say "here, go look up this website" and leave it at that. I hadn't figured out specifically what I would say but I know that even if I hadn't mentioned the site at all my one friend would probably google asexuality (she researches everything) and AVEN would be the first thing to come up so I wanted to be prepared.

How do you know she hasn't already researched it and found the place on her own?

op

I'm pretty sure she hasn't. She's constantly going on about how everyone likes sex (or should) and even though her partner is fine medically (she kept insisting he go to the doctor until he did; he's seen several different ones) she's convinced there's something wrong with him and he just won't tell her what it is (he has no other explanation other than he's just not interested). So I feel like if she knew what asexuality was she wouldn't constantly be going on about how there's gotta be a reason why he's not interested and she just can't understand it. I mean, it's entirely possible that if she read about asexuality she'd say it was ridiculous and she didn't believe it was real, but I thought maybe it was worth a shot if it could help because I hate how much stress and drama this is causing them.

Is there anyplace other than AVEN that you could direct them to? I know it's the main place for asexuality but it can't be the only one. Or if it's gotta be AVEN then direct them to it but tell them not to go into the forums because they aren't very helpful or something.

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