case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2013-09-21 03:32 pm

[ SECRET POST #2454 ]


⌈ Secret Post #2454 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 073 secrets from Secret Submission Post #351.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2013-09-21 10:33 pm (UTC)(link)
ehhhhhh

Unpopular/unusual opinion time. I guess it depends on your level of exposure to situations that are high danger and high stress. Personally, I kind of like these kinds of characters precisely because they're (loosely) set in situations with comparable levels of risk that I'm used to.

TBH, I feel way more alienated from the 90% of people you're talking about. You're right, I guess most people have never almost been killed, never been regularly seriously injured or at risk of injury, and never seen someone or been in the presence of someone who's actively getting seriously or threatened.

But with all of the shit that I've been through sometimes makes it interesting to cope with situations that aren't overtly dangerous, but just vaguely dangerous. A lot of the times I'm constantly on edge looking for the danger that isn't present, or I get way more stressed out about situations that present an uncertain. While I'm not likely to get robbed waiting for the bus after dark in a sketchy neighborhood, I'm still hyper alert to the fact that I could be. It's not fun.

So yeah, I guess there's a trade off. You're sad you might never cope with the really heavy shit, and I'm sad that coping with the little shit is difficult. Life just sort of sucks.
nyxelestia: Rose Icon (Default)

Different boat, but same fleet.

[personal profile] nyxelestia 2013-09-22 12:50 am (UTC)(link)
I have faced only a small amount of real danger in my life. My city - even my neighborhood - is not really the safest, but despite being a very small woman I usually have no problems walking down the street late at night. My local friends admire my bravery, my out-of-town friends call me crazy, and I'm left wondering why it is all of them assume that the fact I will walk down a dangerous street late at night automatically means I'm not still afraid or aware of all the dangers involved in doing so.

I'm starting to get the impression that either you can be in ignorant bliss, only functional because you don't know/understand the danger around you, or you can be a wreck, fully aware of all the dangers around you and unable to process it or even function due to fear. If popular media and the way most people around me act is anything to go by, being afraid and still being able to function is nearly impossible. -_-
Edited 2013-09-22 00:50 (UTC)

Re: Different boat, but same fleet.

(Anonymous) 2013-09-22 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
ayrt

Perhaps because you've never actually been (and I'm just assuming here, correct me if I'm wrong) physically assaulted, robbed, etc, you couldn't comprehend what kind of toll that takes. I mean, you could intellectually grasp it, but understanding something on a conceptual level is a lot different from understanding something from experience.

I'm not exactly a wreck-- I function perfectly well, I get things done that need to be done, and I'm not having nervous breakdowns at being faced with the danger of the city. But I also know what it feels like to be threatened, to get hit, to be shot at, be seriously hurt, etc. So I understand the aftermath of being in danger, and what you need to do to live through it, what measures you need to take to survive. And how you cope with it.

(Sidenote: I'm not trying to play "who's got it worse", but just to add some context to my attitude about my city, it's about twice as much crime in total than NYC per year.)
nyxelestia: Rose Icon (Default)

Re: Different boat, but same fleet.

[personal profile] nyxelestia 2013-09-22 03:19 am (UTC)(link)
I live in Los Angeles, so crime states aren't all that helpful. On one hand, I live in what most people would call a good part of the city. On the other hand, I can see the spot where a boy got shot and killed by looking out my window right now. *shrugs*

I have been outright assaulted once...in broad daylight in my school, the circumstance and location that were supposed to be safe. Most of the abuse I have seen or experienced happened in my own home or someone else's home and often in the middle of the day. The one time I saw and treated a real life gunwound, it was one the victim literally stumbled into my living room and nearly bled out on our floor, being shot just down the street a few houses over. I had family members who I was afraid of and tried to avoid being alone with if I could help it. Meanwhile, some of the nicest strangers I ever met were armed gangsters on a street where my father would not let me go outside our apartment building without him to supervise me, and even then I was limited to playing in the parking lot. Almost all the sexual harassment I've experienced was either at school or walking down the street in broad daylight. I have lost count of those incidents, yet I can count on one hand the number of times I have been harassed at night.

I don't talk about these experiences often - not because I'm too traumatized by them, but exactly the opposite. If I start talking about my experiences, it leads to talking about my life afterwards - which leads to accusations that I'm lying because I'm not doing "being traumatized" right, or that I'm actually SO traumatized I'm just suppressing everything and am in desperate need of help (or more help, as the case may be). I coped too well for most people to handle, and that leads to a lot of misery for either me, them, or all of us. So it's better to not bring it up and not have to deal with this in the first place.

I will say this of my coping methods, though: Having a pocketknife in your bag in case you get attacked at school or on the way home in the middle of the day is paranoid and pointless, but once I say I need it because I walk home at night, it's fine and normal and not having it is stupid. (And the latter means it doesn't get confiscated.)

I have not experienced the level of violence, danger, or abuse you seem to have. I have experienced some, and most of that was in circumstances and locations that were supposed to be safe and weren't. I can't really make myself see dangerous streets and late night as being more dangerous than broad daylight or being at home or in school. They are ALL dangerous, they just present different types of danger. But at least when you are walking down a dangerous street at night, you know where to look, and you can be openly distrustful of people you meet without anyone taking it personally or being insulted. All of that is a lot harder when I'm in social situations or in broad daylight.