fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2457 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2457 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 038 secrets from Secret Submission Post #351.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Did JW really write this garbage? I'm watching it right now, and it's agonizingly ham-handed and idiotic.

So... it sounds like Joss?

Well, I did like Firefly. And some of the dialogue in The Avengers was witty, even if he did give 99% of it to Tony Stark. But there's like... ...nothing in this. At all. I didn't get a single laugh out of it or even a chuckle. And the characters are all the same goddamn archetypes he's used before, only now in Blandly Attractive Dark-Haired Youngish Caucasian form. Oh look, the token minority even knows martial arts! Like Asians do! It's got a super kawaii genki fangirl hacker who cosplays! Amirite, audience? You like superheroes and nerds and hot chicks? And a steeerrrn fighter man who is bad at feelings :/ Co-starring: The two scientists from Pacific Rim, only cast by the CW and with no comedic talent!

Chloe Bennet's Asian too. Skye at least doesn't know martial arts.

...That we've seen. Yet.

The "token minority" is a highly trained former combat operative. Martial arts skills aren't, like, out of question regarding that character.

Why yes that is the plot reason she knows martial arts. Almost certainly. Sure as hell doesn't make that not a stereotype, though.

For once I'd like to see an Asian fighter character who was like, you know, a gun nut or something. Or a demolitions expert. A front of the line, door-kicking point man. Or at least for once used a martial art of non-Asian origin. One of the only Krav Maga practitioners I know is Asian.

The most painfully unfunny thing was the "With great power..." thing by annoying quirky nerd girl-Darcy stand-in. Just. No.

Oh, that and the painfully forced speech at the end of the episode were like tearing out fingernails.

Not like the acting was any better than the writing, though.

I'd say they might be able to salvage the series if in the next episode Skye and Ward were burned alive. Buddy, your ~zany~ truth serum antics were so poorly acted I have to wonder how many blowjobs you gave to get this job. Lady, just use your real fucking voice. We can hear it in half your dialogue, it's not like we don't know what you sound like when you aren't talking ~~like you've been dropped repeatedly on your head~~ ~sexy~.

...Why do I get the distinct impression that I am not the target audience.

I'm not quite sure about the speech, because - cringeworthy as it was - there is a chance it was supposed to be cringeworthy because almostDarcy is so failtastically OTT

So far, I think every single character sucks. Including, or rather, especially Coulson. I was never a Coulson Stan - I was always pretty indifferent about him, but fuck, nonchalantly drugging your subordinate to be humiliated in a professional setting is just a big fat NO. And as much as I like Cobie Smulders, I still can't see her as anything other than Robin Scherbatsky and I'm not sure if it's because of her acting abilities or because I haven't seen her in any other role.

Honestly, Coulson's actor looks like he doesn't even want to be there; he knows how trite, lifeless, and fanservicey this project is and he'd rather just get on with his acting career, but hell, a man's gotta eat.

Yes, every single character sucks so far. Even the little kid. I have the faintest glimmer of hope for the Asian Martial Artist because she seems to have a somewhat longer than one-line backstory and more than one-note personality, but I get the sinking feeling that it's going to be the Skye and Ward show (also featuring: Coulson is sick of his job and possibly of life!) and I'd rather eat glass.

Yeah, the actor doesn't seem so happy. It almost feels like he was all well and done with the Avengers franchise, maybe a prequel movie with Black Widow, when Coulson was still alive, then they went "Hey, people love you, how about we do a TV show with your character and he just said "Okay.. I guess?".

I'm not sure about the Asian Martial Artist because, in all honesty, I didn't watch the whole episode. I turned it off after the truth serum bullshit. I'm probably not going to keep watching it. The only thing I remember about her is her "I don't want any part in field work" speech at her desk.

Maybe it's intentional. That would be hilarious; Coulson himself didn't want to come back from the dead either, and now he's going to intentionally make the worst team possible and bring SHIELD to its knees through sheer incompetence and mishandling.

...Oh how I wish.

Oh well her reveal at the end is that she knows kung-fu, of course. So that's, like... two character traits. One more than everyone else!

Eh. I didn't think it was terribly bad, excepting Everything Skye Says (granted I think her speech in the van was meant to be corny) and SuperGunn And the Wall Of Multicultural Americans Yell At The Man. Overall it seemed pretty okay.

Edited 2013-09-25 18:50 (UTC)

[ SECRET POST #2457 ]

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