fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2465 ]

[ SECRET POST #2465 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2465 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Twin Peaks]

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03.

[Doonesbury, O Human Star]

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04.

[Two of a Kind]

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05.

[Cleopatra/Elizabeth Taylor]

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06.

[The Final Descent by Rick Yancey]

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07.

[Attack on Titan]

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08.

[Sleepy Hollow]

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09.

[Whitechapel]

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10.

[Outlast]

Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Hey, FS com. I'm wondering if any of you who were the only child in your family could tell me what it's like. Were you lonely? Did you envy friends who had lots of siblings? Or was it cool to have your parent or parents' undivided attention whenever you wanted it?

Thanks in advance!

I grew up an only child. I think up to like 6 or 7, I used to say I wanted a sibling. I sort of imagined it must be nice having siblings, and as a child I though I'd have multiple kids myself - but I never really envied anyone. As I grew older, I found I'm quite happy with the situation. I was very troubled as a teen, and I'm grateful that my parents could devote their full attention to me then, because I needed it. Also, I am an introvert...and really, the less people share my living space, the better. Strangely, I did find out I have a half-sibling later in life, but I never really developed much of a relationship with her.

I'm happy because I didn't have to share my stuff.

No, no, and my parents and I rarely did anything together so the undivided attention wasn't a big perk.

I got all my stuff to myself though, and never had to deal with bratty younger siblings or asshole older siblings so I never envied anybody.

sa

I was an only child that didn't want siblings, either. My mom thought about it for a while but both my dad and I were like "nooooo" when she brought it up. Him because one child was enough and me because I already knew at the age of seven that I did not like babies one tiny bit. Still don't, over 20 years later.

Overall, I like being an only child (though I had a period when I was around 10 or 11 where I really, really, wished I'd had a twin sister). But I'm afraid that if I'd had siblings, they'd be better than me and I'd feel awful about myself all the time (I struggle with this sometimes anyway) and I don't think I'd like having younger ones and having to look after them (I'm not much of a kid person).

I think everyone goes through the twin stage. Well, except for twins.

Consciously, it was less about my parents' attention and more about the incredible amount of privacy. I'm a very private introvert, and you can go nature vs nurture with that, but home was always a sanctuary, and that was something I highly valued. Looking back, I did revel in not having to compete for my parents' attention. But I spent a lot of time alone, became very good at entertaining myself, and did have a hard time adjusting to sharing my space when we hosted a high school exchange student for a year. I'm generally happy with how my childhood played out, and I was nearly always glad to be an only child as I was growing up, but I do wonder sometimes what it would have been like to have siblings, and at 23 now I wonder what it would be like to have sibling relationships as an adult.

But to put it succinctly, I loved it and wouldn't change it, because it worked for my personality.

This is basically what I was going to say. I didn't really think about it one way or the other when I was a kid, but when I thought about it as an adult... Sheesh, that would have been a pain in the ass. :P I like my space!

I think some of those things are true to a point, but they're also often misconceptions. I was never really lonely or envious, and I never really thought about having my parents' undivided attention, but I took all of those things for granted. If I can't be alone after a while, I get very antsy, and I'm not good at speaking up in crowds because I never had to growing up.

In times of crisis I have wished I had a sibling, though, and tbh as my parents get older I sometimes wonder who's going to help me take care of them. But then I look at all the people I know whose siblings just let them do all the work, or the siblings who share the responsibility but argue all the way, and I think maybe it's okay that I'll be able to just handle it the way I want to, with the help of a husband and other family members, but not in a way that I worry that my brother or sister is sending Dad to the wrong nursing home.

Still, I have wished sometimes when one of my parents has been sick or injured that I had a sibling to talk to. I'm lucky to have close friends and cousins who are my foster brothers and sisters, but it's not always the same, you know?

Wow, this got deeper than I was expecting.

I personally was lonely, though I also got used to having and needing a lot of "alone time" which is sometimes a disadvantage for me. (I know not all only children get that way about "alone time" but I did.)

Sometimes I envied friends with siblings but a lot of my friends hated their siblings or only tolerated them, and were always assuring me that I was lucky.

(People also assumed I must be spoiled. To be honest I probably was spoiled in terms of getting material stuff I wanted because I didn't have very expensive tastes as a kid, but it was still annoying to hear that all the time.)

I'm not an only child, but all both of the people I could truly ever have called my "best friend" growing up were only children. They were like honorary siblings to me and we were together all the time (not all at once, these were sequential best friends) so I don't think they were lonely.

I wanted a sibling because everyone at school had these hilarious stories about things their siblings did. Sort of the way I wanted to be Catholic because everyone got presents for their first communion. Lonely? Sometimes, but I had friends. I think I became more withdrawn as I got older, but that was more to do with us moving around a lot. It kind of sucks making relationships only to have them deteriorate after a couple of years due to distance. I don't know about the attention, I don't have anything to compare it to! Sometimes I wonder what it would be like, but then I see people who have serious issues with their siblings and I'm glad I don't have that extra baggage. Then again, maybe I wouldn't have perpetual third wheel syndrome. It is what it is.

Also, may I ask why you're so curious about this?

Edited 2013-10-03 00:31 (UTC)

The short answer is that the husband and I are trying to decide whether or not to have a second child. He is the oldest of three and I am the oldest of two, and I suddenly realized that I had very little idea of what it was like to be an only, or how it might effect my son. I've had some well-meaning but pushy people tell me, "oh, an only child is soooo lonely! Your son will regret your decision for the rest of his/your life!" And I thought to myself, "bullshit... well, maybe bullshit with 1% truth?" So I thought I'd ask and see what opinions/experiences people had here. I really appreciate all the answers!

(There's a longer answer, too, about my feelings about being a parent and being pregnant, which I did not enjoy, but I don't feel like going into a lot more detail.)

Re: OP

caecilia - 2013-10-03 04:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

kallanda_lee - 2013-10-03 09:56 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-03 14:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-03 14:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

citrinesunset - 2013-10-05 07:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

michelel72 - 2013-10-05 14:00 (UTC) - Expand

I'm a born introvert, so while I thought it would have been nice to have someone to play with sometimes, mostly I really appreciated not having to share any of my space or belongings with anyone else, and especially not being responsible for a younger sibling or picked on by an older one. One of my friends growing up had a spoiled little monster of a baby brother, so I learned early on that siblings aren't all they're cracked up to be, unless you're lucky enough to have the kind you get along with.

I'm complicated. Mother's only child, father's youngest child (and only girl), wide enough age and distance gap that I have never known my older brothers when they were not adults. So as far as my home life is concerned, I'm an only child and I love it. I have gotten more and more introverted as I get older, but even when I was a kid I never wished for siblings because I hated the thought of having to share my home with another person. Plus, to echo someone above, I have always hated babies and small children. But since my older brothers exist, even if they're not in my life, I've still got the "being compared (favorably) to your siblings" stress going on from my dad, who looks on me with a weird and frustrating combination of "She's the baby who needs to be cared for and indulged" and "She's the one who's not a screw-up; she needs to achieve greatness (seriously, kiddo, when are you going to achieve greatness?)." So, long story short, I guess, I like being an only child and wish I was nore of one.

If he's anything like mine, he'd still find a way to compare you to someone. Himself, perhaps, or some of your cousins (I have a lot of cousins). Try to take it in stride and achieve whatever level of greatness feels comfortable for you.

Re: What's it like being an only child?

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-03 00:45 (UTC) - Expand

I always wanted a younger sibling. I don't think it was because I was lonely in the traditional sense, but I really wanted someone to look after and take care of and, selfish as it sounds, I wanted someone to share the difficulty of dealing with my divorced parents. They divorced when I was practically still a baby, so that there was ever a chance of me having a sibling from both parents was always pretty much impossible, and I knew that but still irrationally wanted one. The only time I was aware of having my parents' undivided attention was when they were fighting about me, so it was negative attention I would have been glad to share. I also didn't really like lots of attention in any case, I was shy and self-conscious.

And I was really confused when I found out that people expected me to have lots of toys and things because I was an only child. I had less stuff than most of my friends, and most of my friends had siblings. (Some of those friends and their siblings were also the kind of kids who'd point to something they saw in a store and say "I want that" and their parents bought it for them on the spot. I tried that maybe once with each of my parents and they both reacted like "are you kidding me")

Oh, and as for being jealous of friends with siblings? I had phases where I'd get so jealous that I didn't want to go to their houses to play because their sibling(s) would be there, but it was more than that, it was also that they always had parents who were together and happy or, in the case of my one friend, amicably divorced. All in all if I thought my friends' families were more "complete" than mine, being reminded of that made me extremely jealous and upset. I didn't tell them that directly, but they might have figured it out when I'd just talk about my family woes.

Sometimes I wished I had a sibling, but for the most part I was pretty happy being an only, especially after I had to live with our then-pastor's family for a month because of reasons. Three older boys, one girl my age (5 or 6, I think) who were all much taller and stronger than me and liked to remind me of that fact. A lot. That, and the fact that mom worked in a home for unwed teen mothers for a while afterwards and I therefore spent a good deal of time around babies and toddlers sort of killed any desire to have a sibling.

I did get kind of lonely at times, but being with my animals helped me deal with that. And it got loads better once I got into horses and made some friends (both human and non-) at the barn.

I didn't envy my friends with siblings because as far as I could see, they fought constantly; so did my mom and her brothers and sister. That didn't look like fun. On the other hand, having my father's undivided attention was great, but my mother was a SAHM and being the center of her attention was a little rich for my blood: she was a helicopter parent before anyone had heard of helicopter parents, and her excuse was "I can't help it, you're all I have!" TBH, that's burdensome for a child--being expected to accept an abnormally circumscribed life because "I would die if anything ever happened to you."

Also, the first thing most people said to me when they heard I was an only child was "I bet you're really spoiled." This, when they had barely met me.

I'm glad nobody's ever said "I bet you're spoiled" to me when they met me. I'd literally have to hold back from punching them. I've had people ask if I "get a lot of things" and been able to dismiss it with the possibility that they were genuinely curious. Presumptuous statements, on the other hand, no.

I was lonely but I don't remember thinking a sibling would fix that because I definitely valued my space and solitude at home. I do remember thinking if I'd had an older sibling I'd have a better idea of how to navigate life.
I've always had my parents attention, I still do, but it's a double edged sword. I've always felt weirdly responsible for my parents happiness, even as a young kid (they've been divorced and single for twenty years). So that's fucked up.

maybe when i was super young, i might have wanted a sibling to play with all the time instead of friends that you had to say goodbye to at the end of the day. once i hit middle school and high school, i was super focused on academics and was adamantly independent while my parents were busy--supportive but mostly absent. as the only child, i felt like i had some standard to uphold for my family. i still feel that way; i think if i weren't an only child and didn't feel obligated to my family, i would feel a lot less pressure to strive towards some unrealistic idea of perfection. but a lot of my feelings are also tempered by my heritage of filial piety though, so.

The downside to being an only child is that with an abusive parent, there are fewer things to distract them from you.

Re: What's it like being an only child?

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-03 03:54 (UTC) - Expand

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