fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2465 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2465 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Twin Peaks]

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03.

[Doonesbury, O Human Star]

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04.

[Two of a Kind]

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[Cleopatra/Elizabeth Taylor]

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[The Final Descent by Rick Yancey]

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[Attack on Titan]

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[Sleepy Hollow]

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09.

[Whitechapel]

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10.

[Outlast]

Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I wanted a sibling because everyone at school had these hilarious stories about things their siblings did. Sort of the way I wanted to be Catholic because everyone got presents for their first communion. Lonely? Sometimes, but I had friends. I think I became more withdrawn as I got older, but that was more to do with us moving around a lot. It kind of sucks making relationships only to have them deteriorate after a couple of years due to distance. I don't know about the attention, I don't have anything to compare it to! Sometimes I wonder what it would be like, but then I see people who have serious issues with their siblings and I'm glad I don't have that extra baggage. Then again, maybe I wouldn't have perpetual third wheel syndrome. It is what it is.

Also, may I ask why you're so curious about this?

Edited 2013-10-03 00:31 (UTC)

The short answer is that the husband and I are trying to decide whether or not to have a second child. He is the oldest of three and I am the oldest of two, and I suddenly realized that I had very little idea of what it was like to be an only, or how it might effect my son. I've had some well-meaning but pushy people tell me, "oh, an only child is soooo lonely! Your son will regret your decision for the rest of his/your life!" And I thought to myself, "bullshit... well, maybe bullshit with 1% truth?" So I thought I'd ask and see what opinions/experiences people had here. I really appreciate all the answers!

(There's a longer answer, too, about my feelings about being a parent and being pregnant, which I did not enjoy, but I don't feel like going into a lot more detail.)

If you don't mind my input on this, it always makes me angry when people say things like that. Because first of all, being an only child is not some great tragedy and I personally find that implication insulting, and more importantly, I can't even how it would feel to be told, "We had you so that your brother would have someone to play with!" Not that my parents were perfect. I agree with the below comments about the burden of being all they have, and feeling responsible for their happiness. I guess in the end it's no better or worse than having to deal with sibling drama and it comes down to what you want.

Please do not have another child if you're already not enjoying parenting/pregnancy!

There are plenty of only children who do fine! I think the only thing you need to do as a parent of an only child is to be more pro-active in setting up play-dates and such if your kid is an extrovert.

One of my friends, who DID always want many kids, seems to be sticking to one because she says one child is such a luxury...her son can easily stay a night at greatparents' or aunties so my friend and her partner can still have a life of their own. These things are much harder with two kids. If your heart isn't a 100% in it, don't!

OP again.

I love my child, but I did not enjoy being pregnant. So, yeah, it's definitely a consideration.

Thanks for the perspective about your friend. I feel a bit the same way right now, and have been wondering how a second child would change that equation.

Well, if this helps, I was one of four children and I often often wished to be an only child. I hated having siblings and they fucked me up for life. So there's that!

Personally, I think it's a bad idea to have a child just to give another child a sibling. First of all, there's never a guarantee that siblings will have a close relationship or that they'll grow up to have similar values. And it's unlikely that your son will be lonely, particularly if he has plenty of opportunities to make friends.

Just about every possible advantage to having one kid or having multiple kids also comes with a potential disadvantage. For example, I'm an only child and occasionally I've thought that it would be nice to have siblings who would be able to help out if my mom ever gets to a point where she can't live independently anymore. But I've also seen too many situations where siblings were divided over the care of parents, or where they fought over inheritance. There's never a guarantee that having siblings will either spare or cause someone trouble in life.

I think people should have kids because they really want them, not out of a misplaced sense of obligation. If you wouldn't otherwise choose to have another baby, then don't.

I can't speak as an only, but I can mention that as far as I've read, actual studies on the subject suggest that only children do just fine. Try this opinion article with citations, for example.

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Re: What's it like being an only child?

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