fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2466 ]

[ SECRET POST #2466 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2466 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Late day at work, sorry.

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 010 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

But I can't find anyone to fall for :(

It often comes when you're not looking, at least for me.

It'll happen. Just don't look too hard to the point where it borders on desperation.

there's not actually any guarantee that it'll happen

Few things have a 'guarantee.' Doesn't mean you can't hope or look.

well, i agree with that, i'm just saying the language of "it will happen eventually" is always kind of weird to me

It gives you something to believe in and allows you to stop stressing about it and think about other things.

but if it gives someone hope, it's a hope which may be false

i just feel like you can communicate "stop stressing about it, it is not the be-all and end-all of life, if it happens it'll happen in its own time" without saying it that way

i don't know, maybe i'm just being ridiculous here, it just kind of bothers me

I feel like you're being a little bit mean for no reason and maybe this conversation should end.

Also I should note I'm not the original anon you were talking to, sorry if I gave that impression.

Original anon you were talking to - sorry my wording apparently wasn't to your liking.

I'm not trying to be mean, but...

I've been single my whole life. I'm not weird or anything (I don't think, anyway), but I'm in my late 20s now. And I see everyone around me in relationships, and it mostly seems to make people happy, and I'd kind of like to join the club. But it's never clicked with me. And so when people tell me "One day it will be your turn!" when there is no guarantee of that, it's kind of...not really helpful. It's not really helpful to have the people in relationships come along and say, "Oh, it's not the be-all end-all!" not because I don't believe them (because duh), but because that isn't the point. I'm in my late 20s. I have a college degree. I have a steady, if totally uninspiring, job. I have hobbies and friends and I do fun stuff in my spare time. And I do all this single, so obviously I am totally capable of handling the whole IRL thing without somebody there to hold my hand. I know it isn't the be-all, end-all. I don't think it's stupid for me to sometimes want somebody to hold my hand anyway.

Basically, it doesn't ever happen for some people, even if they aren't weird. At this point, I'm thinking I'm one of them. And that's fine because my life is awesome, but it's lonely sometimes and I don't have an SO to call and pester about that. And if this is you, there isn't really something people can say, but every time they try it just kind of reminds you that you don't have this. You pretty much have to learn to deal with it on your own.

Edited 2013-10-04 01:18 (UTC)

original person who disagreed with the "It'll happen someday" here -

You said everything I wanted to say, probably better than I would have done. Everything here, I agree with. Thanks.

You're in your late 20s and you've decided it 'won't ever happen'? I'd understand you saying that if you were 60 or even 50, but really? I figure most people seek relationships from about age 15 to at least age 65, so you are, at most, something like 25% of the way through your dating life. Saying it won't happen seems kinda silly.

This. Life doesn't end when you're 30.

Well, would you rather I'd posted 'sucks for you, it's never gonna happen'? I mean, it's not like any of us can see the future, so there's always the chance. Yes, it doesn't always happen, but I don't think being pessimistic was really going to help anything. I likely won't win the lottery, but I can daydream of it sometimes.

But hey, whatever. Basically, I was trying to be nice is all. So much for that.

But there IS a guarantee that if they shop at Men's Warehouse, they're gonna like the way they look.

Death, taxes, and the high quality of suits from Men's Warehouse

Don't fall in love with love...

Man, I just got this show out of my head three days ago...

In other news, seems like so many already have. Fallen in love with love, that is.

I wanna have sex, but I can't find anyone I trust enough.

That was my issue for years. I was ridiculously horny and yet there was no one I wanted to actually fuck because I felt like I needed some level of trust for that. In the end I ended up having sex with a friend, when I realized he was someone I felt really comfortable with, and... well, he was totally up for it.

Oh I'd love to do that (if I were confident enough), but unfortunately I'm the only gay chick in my circle of friends

I wanna have sex, but I don't find anyone physically attractive. :/

Ok, coming from a person in a long term relationship, you need to keep a couple things in mind. Firstly, you have to put yourself out there. Now I don't mean go buy some scam of a dating guidebook or something like that to learn all the tips on how to be smooth. Those don't work and trying the tips in there will make you seem desperate. I just mean, when you feel a spark of interest for someone else, ask them out. Take that chance. If it turns out they're single and are interested too, you've already won half the battle. And the worst that happens? They're already taken or not interested, which isn't really a loss since there's so many people in the world to choose from anyway.

So after you've gone on a couple of dates with someone to your interest, keep some things in mind: Trust will develop naturally, no one is perfect, respect and loyalty are important, communication with each other is key, and it's okay to be intimate with someone at your own pace. You will never meet your dream guy/girl. They don't exist. And frankly, the person you might spend the rest of your life with will probably be even better than any fantasy you'll come up with anyway.

All you can ever hope for is to find someone who makes you laugh, that you have a few things in common with, who absolutely respects you and your core beliefs, who is loyal, who will be willing to work out issues with you as a team rather than shut down, and who gives you affection unconditionally because they adore you. Those are the core values that keep a relationship strong. And trust me, these people are out there. And there's enough people to choose from where physical and emotional attraction will both exist.

Don't force anything, or feel pressured to do something you don't want to in a relationship. Take chances and ask a person out, because before you know it your chance will be gone. But once you get in a relationship, let it develop naturally.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2466 ]

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