[ SECRET POST #2471 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2471 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #353.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. http://i.imgur.com/GJHTgfp.png

[kallanda_lee]

Aw, cute stick secret. I hope things work out with your friend, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes, yeah. But for me it's because the friend it's happening with usually ends up drifting far enough that we're not friends anymore and that sucks.

[elaminator]

Cute secret, OP! And I don't think those feelings are all that uncommon. Maybe they aren't the most pleasant feelings to have, but you're human; it's okay.

Sometimes people grow apart. It sucks, but it happens. Have you talked to your friend about it? It sounds like you haven't; maybe they don't see what's been happening. Maybe it won't change anything, maybe it will, but trying can't hurt imo.

Maybe you should try to make friends in your own fandoms, though? That way you have someone else to talk about your interests with. (And you won't feel so lonely.) Easier said than done, I know, but.. It's an idea, I guess.

[iggy]

It's not dumb. It's a pretty natural, normal reaction. Hope things get better, OP.

Feeling a certain way does not make you childish.

[nyxelestia]

It's how you act on your feelings that indicates your maturity. And it sounds like you're acting just fine - you're not making your friend choose or accusing her of leaving you, and it sounds like you even still talk to her! So on that front, I wouldn't worry too much.

Most of the advice either has already been offered or will be soon (short-version: try branching out and making new friends, or branching out and finding other shared interests with this friend), so I won't reiterate all that. I will wish you all the best, OP - I've had friends drift off and lost completely, but I've also had friends drift back over time, often over new fandoms or shared interests. You never know what can happen. :)

[silverr]

I agree with all that's been said, and definitely second the idea that if you stay in touch, your fandoms may intersect again in future.

I wish you best of luck, anon. Sometimes friendships take more work than marriages.

[thene]

This seems to happen with long-term fandom friendships; sometimes you're into the same thing, sometimes not. You'll hit something you share in common soon enough.

[(Anonymous)]

A friend of mine is very extroverted (I am, too, but I have social anxiety, so I'm not as open as she is), but we have vastly different fandoms. We occasionally overlap in fandom, but it's usually only once a year or so.

She got a few friends last year that made me feel left out, until we all hung out IRL together. She's drifting apart from THOSE friends but still friends with me.

I also had a friend I did have a lot of fandom overlap with for years, and we're not friends anymore, despite all the fandom-in-common. Fandom is not necessarily a decider of who your friendship is going to last with.

[rosehiptea]

Agreeing with all of the above -- this is a totally natural thing to feel, at any age. I hope some of the advice above helps.

[lunabee34]

Fandom drift is hard to cope with sometimes. I find that people I have connections with outside of fandom are those I stay in contact with even when we're not in the same fandoms. In fact, I would say that I'm on a different fandom page than a majority of my flist and circle at this point, but we talk about food and our kids and books and other stuff too.

I hope you and your friend can make a connection outside the fandom you once shared.

[(Anonymous)]

Allow yourself to feel how you feel and grieve. If she only wants a fandom friend, you are being replaced. It's OK to feel sad about that. You don't have to pretend nothing is changing.

But if you two can still be friends, maybe focusing on non-fandom discussions would help?

Wishing you well....

[diet_poison]

Yeah, I definitely have. It's very common and normal, and the important thing is that you *realize* that they're petty and immature, which isn't always easy to do.

Maybe you and your friend will grow closer again. Maybe not. Maybe you should message them and tell them that you miss them. It might also be a good idea to find some other friends who have more fandoms/other interests in common with you. That's always a good thing, and I feel it's healthy in general for people to have more than one good friend, partly because then you're so much more likely to have someone to rely on when you need it :)

[cloud_riven]

I'm sorry, OP :(

Do you have other friends? Not that it doesn't feel sucky on your end to feel as if you're being traded, but it's rather hard I think to maintain even casual friends without some common ground on something. Hope you guys stay friends though ♥

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I appreciate it. I haven't talked to my friend about this because I'm afraid of sounding dramatic. We are still friends and I don't want to cause any drama, so maybe I'll try to think of a way to casually bring it up to her that I wish we could talk more often again.

Re: OP

[cassandraoftroy]

If you're trying to come up with a way to bring up your concerns/feelings casually, I'd suggest just messaging her and saying, "Hey, [friend]! We haven't really talked in a while; I miss you. How've you been?" That'll get the conversation started, you can talk about your lives a bit, and then mention that even though you don't share a lot of fandom stuff, you still enjoy talking to her and look forward to your chats. Does that help?

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Yes! Thank you, I feel much more confidant bringing it up now. I couldn't figure out a way to put what I wanted to say into words, but that seems like a very good way to go about it.

Re: OP

[cassandraoftroy]

I'm glad I could help! I hope it goes well for you. :)

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I have a friend I have an exact same way about. I know I've been "replaced" by this other friend and this other fandom, and it sucks. I have no good advice, but now this person has a bond with new friend, and I'm not in that circle anymore.

So you're not alone, needless to say.

[likeadeuce]

You know, this may sound really obvious, but I think telling the friend, "I really like talking to you and now that we don't share a fandom, we don't talk as much. Can we come up with something fun for the two of us to do together -- maybe regularly scheduled chats about your day (or Skype sessions or phone calls) or finding a book you've both been meaning to read and do a mini-book-club, or get a silly movie in a genre you both enjoy and synch it up to watch on the same time (those might not be the best things FOR YOU, but you can probably come up with something that works for you and your friend) -- is a perfectly okay way to approach it.

I think there's a worry about being seen as jealous or begging for attention, but maybe that becomes worse from not talking about it.