fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2475 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2475 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02. [repeat]

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[Supernatural, Watchmen]

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[a case of exploding mangoes (2008 novel)]

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[Brothers in Arms]

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[Agents of SHIELD ]

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[Transformers: IDW Generation One]

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[Sarah Michelle Gellar]

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[Young Guns 2]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 057 secrets from Secret Submission Post #354.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Somewhat related question... can you ever be forgiven for hitting your significant other, or does it mean you are an abusive person who should never be in a relationship again?

I ask because I am a woman who once hit a man while in a relationship, which was running its course; we argued a lot, he frustrated me so badly that I just lost it and punched him in the face. I immediately realized what I'd done was wrong, started crying and apologizing repeatedly, and he did not retaliate except to tell me never to do that again. (He never hurt me, for the record, although he did grab me very firmly or slap my hand down a couple of times during arguments.)

It's been almost twenty years now, I have never done anything like it again, and I have confessed it to anyone I've gotten seriously involved with because I feel like it's something they should be aware of, and I still feel like scum - because if I'd been the man and he'd been the woman, everyone would agree that I was a scumbag and no one should go anywhere near me. Since I don't believe in gender-based double-standards (which answers the primary question above, I believe), this makes me the same kind of scumbag.

I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse, but I don't think you were necessarily scum to actually hit him. your mistake was letting the relationship run it's course. when you got to the point where hitting him became a possibility, you should have broken it off. wanting to punch someone who frustrates you is not inhuman impulse, and as far as I'm concerned can and should be forgiven. Staying with someone who frustrates you to that degree was your mistake, one that I doubt you'll make again.

tl;dr having once committed violence against a man does not an abuser make.

If it was twenty years ago, you have obviously learned from your actions. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone is human. If you were making excuses or still did that, it would be different. I don't care if you're a guy or a girl, what's important is that you aren't like that anymore.

Please don't hate yourself, just be good to people. :)

If a dude genuinely regretted it and knew what he did was wrong and never intended to do it again no matter what, he wouldn't be a scumbag and would deserve a second chance - so why wouldn't you?

Abuse is a pattern of behavior, not a one-off thing.

[ SECRET POST #2475 ]

Re: violence within a relationship.

Re: violence within a relationship.

Re: violence within a relationship.

Re: violence within a relationship.

Re: violence within a relationship.