fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2476 ]

[ SECRET POST #2476 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2476 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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No.

Be it pregnancy, jobs, political views, or relationships, the answer is invariably still no.

Stop trying to justify your terrible choices by projecting on me.

You must be young. Not everyone changes their mind as they age, but to say a blanket "No" makes you ignorantly narrow minded.

DA

No, not everyone changes their minds. If it's silly to assume that you won't change your mind, it is equally silly to assume someone's mind will change.

As someone else who has been told I'll change my mind about wanting children for over 20 years, sometimes a never is a never.

No it doesn't. It means they know themselves and they know what they want out of life.

You're being a dick

Re: "You'll change your mind when you're older"

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-14 04:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: "You'll change your mind when you're older"

dont_be_a_dick - 2013-10-14 08:34 (UTC) - Expand

I kind of agree - not that I think I won't change, but more in the sense that saying that is not actually an argument for anything, it's just annoying and condescending. It's just a useless thing to say.

Erm, you might actually. But there's no guarantee. There are plenty of things I thought when I was younger that, as I aged, I evaluated. And then I decided that, yup, I was right the first time.

"When you're older" is just an attempt to undermine someone's position because that person is young. I want to say it's a version of the Appeal to Authority fallacy. But, as much as it doesn't make the person saying this right by default, it doesn't make them wrong by default, either. It is logically meaningless and therefore contributes nothing to the argument in support or criticism.

this pretty much

+1, you worded it better than I could ever have.

I mean, saying "you'll change your mind" isn't the greatest, but it does happen. I'm 22. Looking back at my 15-year-old self, I was a very different person with very different ideas of what I wanted to end up doing and what kind of a life I wanted. And I imagine it'll keep on changing.

That said, saying "you'll definitely change your mind when you're older" isn't a great thing.

People used to tell me this and I told them they were wrong. Then I got older and changed my mind, but it was hard to admit it because I knew I'd never hear the end of the "I told you so"s.

So my advice is to believe you'll never change your mind all you want, but let people tell you you will. Unless you don't mind being reminded you were wrong for the rest of your life.

Agreed. That phrase pretty much translates to "I believe that my choices are the only right ones and you'll soon see the error of your ways."

It's just incredibly condescending and many people have figured out what they want to do with their lives at an early age, even if other people didn't. They might change their minds, they might not, but it's not an absolute certainty.

Two things stick out to me here:

1. While it *is* dismissive for people to say that [and I'd agree they shouldn't say that in most cases], it's not exactly uncommon for people to change their minds once they get older simply because people, over all, change as they grow older. They don't always change their minds - which is totally okay - but they do it often enough that you can't dismiss the possibility out of hand for everyone, either.

2. You're assuming everyone whose saying this has made "terrible choices", and that they're projecting them onto you. Simply not the case in most cases - particularly when you consider the fact that choice you don't agree with =/= a terrible choice in most cases.

Yeah. In my experience online "You're projecting" is a stupid line often trotted out to try and demean or dismiss the 'opposition' and convince yourself they're just foolish, pathetic, and wrong.

You may be right in some ways and occasions, but you also come across well....very convinced in your own rightness. Yes , you're the arbitrator of your own life and in charge of making your own choices. But it is very narrow minded to be so very "I'm right and you're WRONG". ("Stop trying to justify your terrible choices by projecting on me."< --sorry but this comes across very obnoxious and immature.)

This is coming from someone who recently coming out of a stage where they thought they were right.

Assuming your views and such is a phase is obnoxious for someone to do. But at the same times sometimes views do change and for the better. It's okay to change your mind when you get new information. A person does not "win" if they stay loyal to their opinion forever even in sight of new evidence. They're just stubborn.

Also ngl if someone's views match up with those of the average Tumblr activist( "I'm so right and open minded and -you disagree? DRINK BLEACH AND DIE IN A FIRE")....I have little problem with thinking (and hoping that they will change their views as they get older.

I think jobs and political views may change, depending on the political parties in question and how interests might shift and reflect on your career choice. It's futile to discuss that as long as a different situation has not arisen yet, though.

But fuck, yes @ pregnancy and relationships. I'm 27 and asexual and very much do not want children and I really wish my mother would stop telling me "you just haven't found the right person yet" and "I wasn't interested in having children when I was your age, you just wait!".

you have no way to be sure of that, honestly. Unless you're a time traveler. Or can see the future. Can you see the future??

lol In seventh grade health class, my class took part in this thing called the "All Stars program". We learned about drinking, safe sex, etc. And at the end we had to fill out a questionnaire, which was sent back to a university or something doing a survey. For "When will you have sex?" I put down 'never'. (I was thirteen and had no clue what Asexuality was yet, I just knew I had zero interest in it)

Anywayyyy, the teacher looked at it and kind of gawked, and then slowly asked me "What about when you're married?" and I answered "I'll never get married."

I'm twenty five now and still a virgin. So, yep.

25, huh? Wow. That's like, OLD. Except not. Get back to us when you're 90 and if you're still a virgin then, I'll take that as definitive.

Re: "You'll change your mind when you're older"

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-14 00:35 (UTC) - Expand

Mmm, I think the answer is more complex than that. Of course that kind of shit, the "You'll change your mind when you're older" is incredibly patronizing and annoying, and usually only works to enrage the other person (sometimes making them cling to their views even harder).

I do think it's possible to change one's mind, and that there's nothing wrong with that - quoting another comment, because it's true for me: "I'm a pretty different person now from the one I was at fifteen". But also paraphrasing another comment: "[...] I'm 25 now and still NOPE" - because there are some things that ended up being core values of my personality, and something will have to go REALLY REALLY WRONG (or drastic, at least) for me to even think to change my mind.

Example 1: I used to be a militant on the Communist Youth when I was 15 (it's something quite common on my country, ok, give me a break), and everyone used to say that to me, which was something that made me really angry. But after a year and half I realized I was way fucking tired of the Party forcing views on me I didn't agree with; and left, and never looked back (and oh god, I did dodge a fucking bullet there, big time). I'm still left-wing, just not A Communist. So in a way my mind did change.

Example 2: When I was 8, I told my mom I'd never marry nor have children because I found babies gross. I've heard endless variations on the "you'll change your mind when you're older" spiel, and now I'm 25 my mom has even started to make comments in how she'd love to have grandchildren. And I still NOPE the fuck of that. As for marrying, I'd do it as a political statement: only to demonstrate the state there are a METRIC FUCKTON of us - because surprise, I'm a lesbian, and things for the LGTB here in Chile are still quite shitty. I don't foresee gay marriage becoming available on this country anytime soon.

Edited 2013-10-13 23:08 (UTC)

Stop assuming that's the only reason they'd say such a thing. People say that because it happened to them and they've seen it happen to a whole lot of other people. They shouldn't assume that makes it universal, but you also shouldn't assume that it couldn't possibly ever happen to you. Lots of people who did turned out to be dead wrong.

I'M GOING TO GO ON THE INTERNET WHERE THEY UNDERSTAND ME, MOTHER

While I do think that people often change their minds as they age (and often about very important things), I think "you'll change your mind when you're older" is most often delivered as a condescending way to shut down conversation or to dismiss the opinion of someone younger. That's totally not cool.

I do think, though, that change is an important part of living. Otherwise, you've lived a stagnant life and learned nothing.

Yeah, this.

On the subject of pregnancy: I did.

I always thought, oh, I'll get around to at some point. You know what? I started reading the CF comms on LJ and decided "Oh, no. I won't! I prefer a cat instead!".

So yes, people do change their minds, but not always the direction most people think they'll change it in.

...And I still like Labour better than Liberals.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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TAKE THAT, MOM

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