fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2476 ]

[ SECRET POST #2476 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2476 ⌋

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I was having a real heart to heart conversation with a friend, when we drifted onto this topic, and realised that by most metrics we would be considered "the successful ones" compared to the rest of our mates based on our careers and lack of major life mistakes with long term consequences, and that it's starting to lead to a different way of viewing the world and a lack of shared experiences.

Anon because jesus does that sound arrogant.

Not by any measure.

maybe you and that fried are actually the douchebags of your circle of friends, if you sit around and discuss how much more successful you are..

We were talking about money we'd lent to friends, career plans, vacations we intended to take - and it just sort of came up!

You're (maybe) being a dick

(Can't tell if this is a joke or not. If so, then I'm sorry, I am the one that's being a dick.)

mmm fried douchebag

LMAO great minds

Why can't they be both? Most successful people are also douchebags.

lol, loser

Re: Do you consider yourself the successful one amongst your friends

ariakas - 2013-10-14 04:08 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you consider yourself the successful one amongst your friends

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-14 05:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you consider yourself the successful one amongst your friends

ariakas - 2013-10-14 05:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you consider yourself the successful one amongst your friends

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-14 05:13 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you consider yourself the successful one amongst your friends

ariakas - 2013-10-14 05:15 (UTC) - Expand

Actually, I would probably be considered the least successful one among my friends and it's incredibly depressing to think about it. I have my own reasons for the way things turned out, but even knowing that, it's incredibly hard to see everyone else being more or less successful at their chosen path in life and me being such a failure. Especially since the things going on in my life are not something I can openly discuss with everyone, so all they probably see is the one person who is too stupid/lazy/whatever to get things done.

It's fucking depressing but... yeah, same. Hugs if wanted, Anon.

*hugs back*

Re: Do you consider yourself the successful one amongst your friends

lynx - 2013-10-13 23:33 (UTC) - Expand

I don't really sit around and think/talk about things like that with my friends. But no, not really, although NONE of my friends have had what you would call "major life mistakes with long term consequences." So I guess my friends and I have more shared experiences? Some of us are employed, some aren't, some are in grad school, and most of us aren't (yet, for me at least), a few have gotten married. But I never really compare it in terms of "success." Are we all fairly happy with where we are? Yeah, pretty much. What more can you ask for?

...Yes and no? I'm one of the few who has a steady, non-retail job with a lot of freedom which pays decently and has no debt. But I also don't have even a BA, let alone a master's degree like many of my friends. I just kind of went straight from homeschool to the workforce while doing IT-related stuff for free online that caused me to be capable of making the leap from 3rd shift trained monkey work to web development professional when I happened to get a lucky break.

Consequently I'm just about the only one of my friends who can sort of do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it, due to finances and a laidback workplace environment. But they all have the potential and experience to be SO much more successful than I am right now, if they happen to get a lucky break too, and they will be much more prepared for it, and I really hope all their hard work pays off someday soon.

Between the friends I see regularly, yeah.

It's harder to say with my closer friends I don't get to see as often, because they have the privilege of better-off families giving them the chance of doing a lot of better things and better stuff.

Yes. Socially we're all at about the same stage in our lives, but of my four close friends, C makes more than D, B makes more than C, and I make more than B. My job is even in my field. I also made it out of college with no debt because of a full-ride scholarship and I have no major health problems. So. If we're measuring based on those factors, I'm the most successful one in the group.

But.

They're so much happier than I am. So, really, I'm not sure if being successful is a big bragging point.

No but I think I'm smarter than some of them, and cuter than most of them.

Depends on how you measure success, I guess.

My husband and I are not the best-educated or most finanically successful of any of our friends; though both employed, we do receive SNAP benefits and medical assistance, and we do occasionally (not always) have serious cash flow problems.

Yet we've avoided a number of pitfalls several of them seem to have fallen into, including overwork, excessive debt, health problems both preventable and otherwise, more kids than they can afford, and turbulent, stressful marriages. Some of them who were at one time getting along much better than us financially are currently in worse shape than we are. It makes it very difficult to judge who among us is really doing the best overall.

I can say with some confidence that I wouldn't want to trade places with any of them, though.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfilling-life-still,33233/

this is kinda bothering me. by conventional measures, i'd probably be seen as very low on the success totem. it honestly really grated at me for awhile. i messed up academically; i survived a lot of abuse in childhood that changed the way i operate and i had a difficult time adhering to certain academic standards after elementary school. before then, i was fine, which is just the icing on the cake because i know things would be different if i'd had more fortitude during my darkest times. it's like messing up twofold and living with that for your whole life. that's me; i don't recommend it.

but it's whatever. me personally? i am slow, i know. i live slowly. i experience slowly. i open up slowly. my existence now is very gradual and careful, thanks to past trauma. some are like me; others are not. but one's likeness to me has no bearing on their own happiness, because as human beings we are all crafted differently, though of similar material. we are different, and like different things for ourselves. just as one's likeness to me has no bearing on their happiness, one's likeness to you has similar effects. it is not the path taken that makes the difference. it is not the scenery one prefers, or the pace one opts to walk, or the time one takes to slow down or even take pause at times, no matter the reason.

it is the direction that we should be content with. for me, though i may not always enjoy my path - let's say there are ~spiderwebs~ or bad weather sometimes, whatever dumb metaphor you want to use - i know it is leading me to a good place, and that all other paths have their own obstacles. nothing is freely easy, all the time. but the struggle to make it is worth it. everyone should keep their heads up.

this is hard. life is hard. nobody's path will not be without struggle. you don't have to walk theirs to end up where you're both already going. the same goes for them, regarding your path, or your own measures of success. so your friends may not have stable jobs, their credit reports may be bad, they may live paycheck to paycheck, they may not have college degrees, or good health, or lovers/spouses, or whatever you are considering "success." but i'm guessing if they're happy, they've been a hell of a lot more successful than you give them credit for.

Edited (my first reply was way too long, wtf) 2013-10-14 01:22 (UTC)

i like this answer :)

Strident republican Saku is a poor?

Priceless. Completely, totally, priceless!

Finish the dream and tell me you live in a trailer, it would be such a perfect stereotype.

Re: Do you consider yourself the successful one amongst your friends

saku - 2013-10-14 22:23 (UTC) - Expand

In terms of educational attainment, objectively yes. Financially... it depends. I have more personal assets, but several of my friends stand to inherit millions when their parents kick off and I stand to inherit absolutely fuck all. So unless I accrue millions of dollars in my lifetime, they'll win in the long run even if they're poorer than me right now -_- My parents were working class but because of districting I lucked into a solidly middle class school and because of my grades/aptitude scores was able to enter an "enrichment" program dominated by upper middle class children. Going to visit their million-dollar homes after living in my own rented basement suite was... eye-opening. Which is to say the vast majority of my friends are from an entirely different social class. I was the only one who didn't have college paid for and had to get scholarships, otoh I think that's part of what made me work harder and acquire said degrees.

I wouldn't take it for granted that they'll win in the long run. People who come into a lot of money they didn't work for often find they have a hard time holding onto it. Some of your rich friends may wind up being poorer than you before the end.

Not at all. I'm a mid-20s university dropout without a steady job. But my friends do seem to think of me as "worldly". A couple of them have told me that they think of me as the most experienced in life. So there's that. I get to travel a lot because I direct all my spare money to savings for that specific purpose and I find ways of getting sponsored to travel. I know that some of them think of me as immature, since I spend most of my time basically just making friends and partying around in other countries, but... ultimately, that's kind of what I want out of life. Would I really feel more fulfilled with a fancy diploma and some shitty office job? Maybe my travels won't leave me with a career and a steady income but with the one life that I've got I'd rather do something more memorable.

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