fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2477 ]

[ SECRET POST #2477 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2477 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #354.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So I found out that one of the writers in my slash fandom is a gay guy. Before I had assumed that they were female (I know, I know, it's bad). It just took me by surprise. Now after reading those posts, I can't help but think less of them and I wish I knew why. It could be that I feel a sense of superiority from them and people flocking to them for advice on gay sex and relationships. Or that I'm worried they'll be judgmental of slash fangirls for enjoying themselves, though they haven't shown any sign of that. I hate people who think like this, but I thought that it was a "safe place" for all my stupid kinky smutty crap and now I'm worried what real gay people think of it.
Tl;dr Anon is a bad person and possibly a homophobe.

That's dumb. Stop that. "Safe place" does not mean "only girls allowed" or some shit.

I know, it's bad.

Are you sure he isn't ftm?

fuck off

Pretty sure.

real gay person who doesn't judge people for their weird smut ~~I write my own after all~~ but I'm a lesbian so I don't know if I count? And obviously I can't speak for that dude.

and possibly a homophobe

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay there are probably certain issues that are pretty strongly ingrained in your head. It's that way for everyone. Unless you're actually trying to hurt gay people, don't beat yourself up over it. If you think you might be accidentally doing something offensive well...if you want, you can ask me gay questions and I'll answer to the best of my ability?

I think the best way to get over this though, is to talk to this guy. Be friends with him. It'll lead to better understanding.

Thanks for being so nice. It's not actually the smut I'm worried about, it's all the schmoopy stuff I've written, and I'm embarrassed that I'm getting it wrong or fetishizing it.

DA

Imo it's not particularly the fic but how you treat people or the idea of gay people irl that determines if you're 'fetishizing' or not.

I mean...it's hard to say without reading it, but schmoopy fanfic is hardly ever like real relationships, no matter the genders involved. And every relationship is different so I don't know if you could really "get it wrong", if you're trying as hard as you can to be in character. Anyway my advice about befriending him and reading up on lgbt history and issues still stands.

IRL the kinds of fetishization I've seen are mainly straight women who think that all gay guys will be their best friends and go shopping with them. They are a "safe" person they can talk to about their feelings--but they usually don't want to hear about the dude's boy troubles, and if he says anything at all about his personal life he's "shoving it in their face". OR they are really overly invested in it and ask him personal questions about his sex life, to the point of harassment.

I don't think the fact that you read unrealistic fanfic alone is fetishization of real people, but I think a lot of people confuse their fantasies with reality. And I know there are girls in fandom who see gay guys together and think it's totally cool to basically treat them like fanfic characters. Pay attention to your own behavior and fix the things that need it.

Edited 2013-10-15 01:08 (UTC)

Okay, thanks. He does seem pretty cool so maybe I'll talk to him and make friends like you said. :)

You are probably a bit of a homophobe. And this strengthens my opinion that most fangirls are just fetishizing gay people for the sex.

How about those of us who aren't into slash? Are we safe from your judgement or do you just assume we're all homophobes too?

So gay writers who write straight romances and gay comsumers who enjoy straight romancesin fiction are actually fetishising straight people for the sex? Good to know!

I don't think you're a homophobe but I do think this reaction is negative and silly. Annnnd it makes you seem like one of those "silly fangirls who fetishize gay boys" type of person.

It's still a "safe place" for your kinky smut. Having a gay fanboy in the circle doesn't actually change that at all.

its alright dude, hes just a person, not some omniscient judge of gay smut. just calm down and enjoy your fandom.

If it makes you feel any better, I usually avoid fic writers after I find out they're men. It's not a "no men allowed" thing so much as reading (generally slash) fanfiction from them makes me feel like a creepy voyeur. I like reading people's fantasies, but the idea that some of that smut might be influenced by their personal experience is a bit of TMI. I so don't want to know about other fans' actual sex lives.

... unless they are actually saying "This is based on what I did last night" (which I have seen), that would be a weird leap to make, but I guess you can't help what you feel.

You really believe that all slash fangirls are virgins? I've known some who had anal sex just to makie their slash more realistic.

No, but slash fangirls don't have prostates and penises, do they?

So? The stories they write are still inspired by their personal experiences.

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[ SECRET POST #2477 ]

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