[ SECRET POST #2477 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2477 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06. [posted twice]


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.




















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #354.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Poll - You need a re-write. I like your idea but I'm blunt...

[crunchysunrises]

I'd think that you need to do some research, think about the deeper facets of your character, and then do a re-write.

First - three AP classes. It really depends on which ones you're taking and who the teachers are as to how time consuming they are. They may be weighted and graded on the same scale but they are definitely not all equal. It's definitely not impossible - and yes, I'd think she could make the honor roll - but it would require some organization on her part, especially with extracurriculars. This is unlikely to be the workload of an untreated ADD sufferer however. More on the ADD thing later.

Second - Science team may meet once a week for maintenance but they'd probably meet more more than once a week if they're prepping for a meet or science fair or competition. It takes at least an hour per meeting. And there's also a weekend commitment, especially for tournament-type things.

Third - How long this would take depends on the person but there are issues of time and health to consider. And I'm not just talking about the good stuff. Running is hard on your body. Also, training for marathons and taking part in marathons take time and money. And loads of traveling if she doesn't live in the 'right' part of the country.

Fourth - Soccer takes a lot of time too and also has traveling for tournaments and regular weekend commitments.

Fifth - Meals on Wheels/Holiday groceries take awhile and it's not just dumping a bunch of cans on a doorstep. Sorters are not always drivers - it's just more efficient that way. Frankly, she's unlikely to be a driver. If you're talking about working at a soup kitchen, that also takes a time commitment. Either way, it conflicts with her many, many weekend commitments. To write this more realistically, you might need to actually volunteer with at least one of these organizations.

Sixth - Being kind is one thing. Seeing worth where few do is another. Pity-friendship, however, is icky. So be careful that you don't fall into this. While we're discussing her relationships, 'secret admirers' are a bit dramatic. Could someone have a crush on her? Possibly. Also, she's so busy with her other commitments that it seems unlikely she'd have time for a wide circle of friends/boy or girlfriends. A few close ones, however, seems more likely.

Seventh - Being a camp counselor is fun! But there are a lot of responsibilities. And the kids don't all love the same counselors. Different strokes for different folks, you know?

Eighth - The ADD is not only highly unlikely but extremely unrealistic! DO RESEARCH ON THIS! But not tumblr-research! REAL research! For a good fictional account of ADHD, look into the Joey Pigza books. (I wish I could remember who wrote them off the top of my head.) Read a few teaching and psychology texts on it. The teaching ones will likely have examples from real life.

Ninth - She can't be an overachiever if she has truly abysmal handwriting simply because most teachers, especially honors or advanced place ones, wouldn't bother reading her work. They'd simply give her a nil or a rock bottom score and move on. Computers can only take you so far.

Tenth - I have no opinion on the teeth thing but wonder if it's necessary to your plot and characterization. Which, by the way, is my not so subtle transition to characterization.

Characterization: You've got an interesting slew of activities and social obligations for this character but she has no actual character. She needs a secret inner life, personal motivations, character traits. All of that overachieving could be the mark of someone who is ambitious or driven but why is she ambitious/driven? What's she planning to do with her life? (And this character would certainly have a plan.) Does she have dreams?

And she definitely needs actual flaws. Bad teeth are not a flaw or a character trait. They're simply a physical trait, like a weak chin or beady eyes that are too close together.

Despite the fact that I've written an epistle about your character sketch, I quite like the idea of an ordinary, overachieving girl-character. I think this has potential but it's an early draft, not a finished one.

Good luck!