fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2478 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2478 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[rune factory 4]

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03.

[Law & Order]

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04.

[Wander Over Yonder]

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[Breaking Bad]

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06.

[Transformers: IDW Generation One]

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07.

(Panic! at the Disco)

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08.

[Luke Evans as Bard the Bowman in "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug"]

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09.

[league of legends pro teams - team curse]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 027 secrets from Secret Submission Post #354.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I talked to my friend about how I missed talking the other day, but again there was no response from her. A few moments ago we talked, and she told me she was just now replying to an email someone sent her several weeks ago. I jokingly say, admittedly out of being irked, that I had just gotten used to her never talking to me. She made a very vague comment about being as socially incapable on the computer as she is in real life. I guess that was her way of telling me she has social anxiety. I have social anxiety, so I understand, but I don't get why she would be too anxious to send me an email. We have been emailing each other for years, and up until recent she has never been too anxious to talk to me. I feel guilty because I'm kind of upset about this and don't really get it even though I should understand since I feel the same way as her. Can you suddenly develop that deep of an anxiety overnight like that? I'm really not sure what to say to her. Can anybody give me any advice? I'm not really thinking clearly at the moment so I'm not sure what to do in this situation.

I missed your first conversation so I'm a bit out of the loop. However, I want to address a few things you mention.

Some people just hide it well. Sometimes emails are some of the hardest thing for me to answer, even from my best friends I have professed love for.

I will never admit I have anxiety problems unanon. No one here suspects I have it. In real life no one suspects I have it even though I spent half my day today close to throwing up because I have a new job. Sometimes my anxiety is worse and sometimes it's better. Sometimes I can answer emails for months with no problems and other times I can hardly answer one every two weeks. In the end, it's called acting. We all do it to get by.

Here's how it stands: she gave you a reason. You have one of two options. One, you can believe it and accept this part of her. Tell her it's fine. Live with it. Two, you can not believe it. You'll probably eventually lose the friendship because it bothers you so much and she ultimately won't be able to deal with the stress of a relationship breaking down at all. Your choice how it goes from here.

If she has the money maybe she can try therapy? I have a prescription I just started and have begun going to therapy. One of my goals is to stop having my anxiety affect my work. (Emails are a huge part of that.) I hope it works and it might for her.

I hope that helps?

Thanks for your two cents. It's not that I don't believe her, I have anxiety myself so I totally believe her and I'd be a pretty crummy person not to. I just didn't get why she'd suddenly be afraid of people she's talk to for years. You are right though, she probably had been hiding it, and I know from experience some days are better than others. I gave her the advice to seek help if her anxiety is so bad it's affecting her that much and let her know I can try to give her advice if she ever wants to ask for any.

AYRT

Ah, that's good to know. I'm happy you believe her. I'm going to second the anon below not to try and make her feel guilty because trust me, she probably already beating herself up about it. (Not that I think you would try but I find people do it accidentally.)

The asking for advice thing is great. The fact that you have it too and understand probably really helps.

All in all, I think you're being a good, supportive friend.

Thanks. I try to be supportive as much as I can for my friends. To be honest I feel like a terrible friend for taking this long for it to click in my head about how she's feeling. :X I think we are probably both beating ourselves up about it right now. I feel pretty silly for even posting anything here in the first place.

I don't know about developing overnight, but I sometimes feel irrationally anxious about responding to e-mails and other online communications, even when it's with close friends. I don't know why I feel this way and I KNOW it's ridiculous... but I still procrastinate on talking to people for no apparent reason, then I feel guilty about procrastinating which makes me feel even more nervous about responding to a communication, etc. etc.

It's not personal, and I don't think it necessarily means she has a problem with you specifically. I know that when I'm feeling particularly depressed, I get very socially withdrawn and it's just more difficult to talk to people because putting a brave face on it takes more effort than I can currently give.

My advice is to not make your friend feel guilty about the lack of communication, not even in a joking way. There's no point in making her feel bad, because if the problem is real she's already struggling with it, and if the problem is fake then guilt-tripping her (even by accident!) isn't going to change anything. Send short e-mails letting her know what you're up to, or talk about things you saw/read that reminded you of her. Keep the tone light and friendly, and expect to do most of the work in keeping the conversation going. Tell her you hope she's all right. Don't apply any pressure about responding, and see how things go.

Thanks for the advice! I sometimes feel nervous about emails, it was just so weird to see someone who's been emailing me for so long suddenly be nervous about it I didn't know how to react. I guess it made me a little anxious myself. I forgot how hard it can be to do even simple things because on most days I can make myself do them if I have to. I'd never purposely try to make her feel guilty for something like this, especially since I have such a similar problem.

[ SECRET POST #2478 ]

Hi im fandom friend secret writer from a few days back

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