fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2479 ]

[ SECRET POST #2479 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2479 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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05. http://i.imgur.com/qkR6RB4.png

I'm really sorry you're having a rough time OP. It's going to be tough on you and your mum for a long time. You should see if there is a support group for carers in your area because it might help you cope to talk to someone about it. The most important thing is to take care of yourself no matter how hard or selfish it might seem.

that moment made me forever hate ten

Me too. There was nothing that justified that. First off, given what she knew, her decision was understandable. And even if he was right that she did the wrong thing and wasn't at all justified, he still doesn't get to come in as an alien and orchestrate the removal of a government official just because he dislikes her decision. The Doctor has always been arrogant, but that just took it a step to far. It completely ruined my view of Ten.

It was a total dick move on tens part, especially considering that he had already established that Harriet would usher in the Golden age of the human race (if i remember correctly) and she wasn't totally wrong in her thinking.

It was a totally justified course of action for her to take even if it was morally wrong.

The whole thing is allegorical; for Harriet Jones finishing off the Sycorax, think Margaret Thatcher authorising the sinking of the Belgrano during the Falklands War.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-10-17 02:00 (UTC) - Expand

agreed

I've never forgiven him for this moment. And I love him. Biggest dick move he ever made.

Yup. Paving the road for Saxon, too.

/hugs for OP

It's rough. Happened with my grandmother, among other things. She passed away of something else eventually but it was still sad to watch such a badass go downhill and cry out of shame when, say, she couldn't make it to the bathroom fast enough.

It's good you're there for your mom though. I'll be there for mine, too, when/if the time comes.

I'm sorry, OP. Alzheimer's is the fucking devil. Good luck, I hope you can take care of yourself and deal with everything. /hugs

You're a saint for taking care of your mother and yeah, taking on that sort of responsibility is tough. Don't forget to take care of yourself too, and don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. You can't do everything all the time, and that's okay.

Half the time, my mom thinks I'm her sister, who died 25 years ago. Dementia is a terrible thing. I'm sorry, OP.

I don't have any advice, but it's a great thing you're doing and I hope everything works out for you. It feels kind of pointless to say, but...well, I do. May good things come to you in the future, and I'm sorry about your mother. Hopefully you can manage to take care of both yourself and your mother.

Fuck dementia. :(

I'm so sorry. My grandmother died of Alzheimer's and my mother had a difficult time caring for her. I am so glad you have other family members to support you.

Anon,

Please do yourself a favour. Being a caregiver is so incredibly stressful, and even though you have the support of other family members, they're not going to understand how wearing it is to be the number one caregiver. So set up a schedule where other family members come in on a regular basis and give you a break.

Or investigate adult daycare for your mom, where she is taken out for activities while you have time to yourself. It sounds terrible to some, but knowing that she is safe and under someone else's care while you take care of your own life can give you the long-term stamina to continue caring for your mother as long as you need.

Good luck.

This is so very right. I can just imagine friends and family saying admiringly "I don't know how she does it...she's a saint...she's just so strong...I could never do what she does" ... while leaving her to do it all alone.

You have to find time for yourself. I say this from my own experience. I have a large family: five children and a husband with health issues. In addition, I care for my morbidly obese, chronically ill elderly mother and my not as ill 75 year old uncle.

It's out of love that I do this, but if I don't take time for myself I have periodic epic meltdowns because they all want/need something ALL OF THE TIME.

if help is offered, take it without guilt. and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Hugs

Good luck. I hope you get all the support you need, and more.

OP, I just came back from a long trip to see my mother, who has dementia. It has ripped me up. I'm very lucky I have family members who live closer to her, and I know she's being taken care of - but I see how hard it is for them and my heart aches twice as bad.

I am so sorry for the loss you're undergoing. Losing your mother like that is so fucking unfair and so sad for everyone involved. It hurts in big and little ways. I can only echo everything that everyone else is right: be sure to take time for yourself, avail yourself of any help that anyone offers. If they say they want to help, take them up on it; whether that's cooking a meal for you, being a shoulder for you to cry on, or taking time to watch your mom so that you can sleep, or get out and watch a movie or just look at the sky, whatever.

You're in my thoughts.

I want to hug everyone one of you. Last night I had a mini cry out in front of my brother. Lots of talking to. And I'm contacting my doctor to get a referral for a psychologist. It's a step and there are many of them.

Thank you. Merci. Gracias.

Dementia runs in my family, and I'm getting increasingly worried about my mum. I wish that disease could be eradicated once and for all. Good luck, anon.

*hugs* Being a caregiver is rough. I was my grandma's live in care giver for a number of years. I'm also an stna at a nursing home. There is a valid point to taking time for yourself as there is such a thing as caregiver strain. Giving yourself time for yourself will let you refocus and come at new challenges with a clearer head and more patience. I know that it hurts. She's going to have good days and bad days. Adult day cares can be a good place so that you can know she is safe and get done what you need to. Ask family/friends for support and help where they can. If you need someone to vent to feel free to PM.

OP, I don't know if a nursing home/long term care facility is an option, but if it is, please consider it. We've been through this with my grandmother and my uncle, and there comes a time where you just can't care for them by yourself anymore. (My grandmother went through a phase where her symptoms would disapear if someone came to visit, but they'd be even worse when the visitor left. Cue family members thinking we were making things up and not understanding why we had such a hard time.)

I realize that sounds really discouraging, but you have to take care of yourself first, or you can't take care of anyone else.

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