[ SECRET POST #2500 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2500 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 033 secrets from Secret Submission Post #357.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Someone was talking the other day about being misgendered (cis female being thought of as a guy), and my first thought was "well that wouldn't be so bad"

followed by a "wait what."

I don't know what, if anything, that says about me. :/

(FTR, this isn't the first time I've thought about presenting as male, but it's the first time I actually consciously thought about it as such, rather then, "you know, It'd be cool to bind my breasts, and have a flat chest", or "man, I wish I had a deeper voice, I wonder what I can do to make that happen.)

IDK, I just felt like sharing that anonymously.

[(Anonymous)]

I honestly don't understand the big deal about people making a mistake about your gender. People do it to me all the time, it's really not that big a deal.

Unless the thing you're talking about is being pleased that you're "passing" when crossdressing.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't either, but I can see how other people might be.

No, it wasn't even me- we had a lecturer in one of my classes talking about gender, and their a cis female who keeps getting misgendered; the "well that wouldn't be that bad" was just me in my head after she said that.

[fingalsanteater]

I dunno. Someone mistaking me as a guy would be big deal to me because 1.) there's no way anyone could mistake me as a guy (even over the phone), and 2.) I'm sort of casually interested in passing, so if I were to ever pass as male that'd be a thrilling day.

It's even exciting when people would mistake me as a male on the internet.

One's gender identity and others perceptions can be very important to people.

[(Anonymous)]

i am a flat chested (and i mean this seriously) girl, and growing up i always thought i had really strong/boyish features which i hated. having been made fun of for not having tits and the like...yeah, if someone mistook me for a guy it would really fuck with my self esteem. i'd be upset and feel very poorly about myself.

i have a very "girly" style, love dresses and cute things and whatever. stereotypical kind of stuff. but one of my worries is that people will think i'm too ugly or not feminine enough and that i look bad. i know my anxieties are my own problem but anyway to some of us even if we aren't trans* it would be a big deal.

[(Anonymous)]

I think it all comes down to personal experience.

I have to wear my hair very short and wear outdoorsy work clothes for my job. I can't wear jewelry and makeup would be completely impractical. On top of that, I have a very square jawline and 'masculine' features. People assume I'm a guy pretty regularly.

On the one hand it doesn't bother me, because I know everything about my appearance suggests I'm a 20-something dude. On the other hand, I got picked on a lot in school for being ugly, and I've had everyone from ex-partners to family to fucking strangers comment on how un-girly I look. So being misgendered can really sting, because it's just one more incident in a long string of "Oh wow you totally don't look like a girl" things.

[(Anonymous)]

if you're cis it can be a little offensive but if you're trans* it can be really triggering.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think there's anything wrong with having thought "would that be so bad?" or that it necessarily reveals some latent desire to be more like the opposite gender. It's just the logical expansion "why should you be mad if someone mistakes you for gay/a woman/etc."

Because there's nothing wrong with being gay; there's nothing wrong with being a woman; there's nothing wrong with being a man -- and there's not one way to be any of those things.

Of course, this is all contingent on the person who is mistaken being nice and nonjudgmental and the person who has been mistook being gracious and not flipping their shit over an error.

[sarillia]

It says you don't mind being misgendered. Some people do, some people don't. Since some people do it's best to try to avoid it (plus most people like to avoid making mistakes anyway) but that doesn't mean that everyone it happens to has to hate it.

[(Anonymous)]

I got called 'sir' once by a customer where I work. I'm not flatchested by any means, and I'm not skinny either. I honestly don't understand why he thought I was a man. I felt really insulted about it at the time.

[kaijinscendre]

It could be that he is used to talking to a lot of men. Perhaps his boss is male and he says, "Yes sir." Just like some people will say, "You too!" when a waiter tells them to "Enjoy your meal."

[comma_chameleon]

Yeah I find myself saying "Yes, ma'am" a lot to my male co-workers because it's a ration of about 25:1 so it's just habit not because I actually think any of them are women.

[kaijinscendre]

Being from the South I will reply "Yes, Ma'am" or "Yes, sir" to anyone helping/directing me. Even if they are much younger. :P

[comma_chameleon]

I couldn't be more Northern (without moving to the Northwest Territories anyway) as a Canadian, and I still say "Yes, ma'am"/"Yes, sir". XD

[lunabee34]

Sometimes I get flustered on the phone with customer service calls and accidentally ma'am or sir the wrong gender. I hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings.

[jaybie_jarrett]

I don't think it says anything about you.

It just means you don't have the experience of someone who would be bothered by it. *Shrug*

(I've actually thought about chest binding as well. )

((Also when it comes to misgendering I totally get why some people would be bothered by it, because I having a part of your identity waved off or treated as a phase is sucky but I can't help feeling a little weird when I see people on Tumblr talking about how they were PTSD triggered by someone not knowing their gender immediately. and one person even called someone a fucking Nazi for not seeing the trans support bracelet they were wearing and not knowing it meant they were trans.))

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, that last one is pretty ridiculous. Like, I can see it being difficult when people don't recognize what gender you identify as, but I would honestly just think that the person just supported trans* rights.

[jaybie_jarrett]

I know right I thought it was saying something troublesome that they seem to think that to support trans rights you must be trans.

Hello...like being a nice open minded person capable of empathy is a thing.

[khronos_keeper]

Ehhh I guess it depends. I've been mistaken for a young boy at many times before, because I have a slight build, short hair, and androgynous face. (And I walk like I'm going to cut someone.) None of these times was I actively trying to appear boyish, and was in fact wearing female-cut gender neutral clothes, like jeans and a fleece.

I have a very mixed reaction to this. On one hand I'm happy because I recognize that the male gender gets treated more "seriously", and if that's one factor that subconsciously leads people to give me more respect, then I'm willing to play by society's fucked up rules to do it.

On the other hand, since I'm a girl and have been raised as a girl, I still have that knee jerk response of shame and worry, because I'm doing my gender "wrong" and that means I'm strange and not as valuable as a woman doing her gender "right".

So yeah. :/

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think it necessarily says anything about you, except maybe that you don't have a particularly strong gender identity?

The one time I was taken for a dude, I was actually super happy about it, for no particular reason. It would probably happen more often, except that a) I'm super short, and b) pretty curvy. The one time, I was on a shuttle bus, and they could only see me from the neck up.

[(Anonymous)]

I think you can work on the voice? Like singers have a thing they call "taking the lid off the top"--expanding the upper part of your range--and I'm pretty sure you can do it for the lower part of your range too, with practice.

[(Anonymous)]

I think your reaction should be... normal.

Maybe it's that I don't have a strong gender identity, but I wonder what "gender identity" is supposed to be anyway. I'm a woman so I must like "feminine" stuff? But I don't know why we have to assign anything as being "masculine" or "feminine". I like video games, martial arts, and being outdoors... am I genderfluid or something?

I don't know, I'm not talking about actual transgender people. But "gender identity" talk makes me a bit frustrated because it seems heavily rooted in stereotypes half the time. Same with physical appearance - having short hair and a flat chest doesn't make you any less feminine, really.

[(Anonymous)]

For what it's worth, as someone who identifies as genderqueer it's not at all about what clothes I wear or what hobbies I enjoy, it's about feeling as though the body I have doesn't match my mental image of what my body should be. For a lot of trans* folk, the way you dress is a way of expressing your gender identity, not necessarily "I like dresses, ipso facto I am a woman" or "I like video games, must be a boy". What you do is an expression of what you are, if that makes sense? And while some people feel better able to express what they are by embracing stereotypes, some people don't.

Speaking personally, I look like a woman. I've got big hips and big breasts. I don't feel like a woman -- this is not the body I would have, given my druthers -- but I don't really mind people calling me by female pronouns, because I don't feel my ideal body has sexual characteristics and I don't feel strongly enough about how other people see me to want to bother with different pronouns. Misgendering doesn't bother me. I can see how it would bother other people, though, and I don't by any means speak for all trans* people.

[(Anonymous)]

Callcentre anon here, I don't like it when people think I'm a man. It's just a little hurtful but over a bad phone line I can sliiightly get the confusiong

Even more hurtful IRL as I'd like to think I present as a girl. Considering I am a cis female and it's just...idk, remaints from being bullied before the boobs grew in I guess

Don't like it though

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a cis female who gets mistaken for a man really frequently despite the fact that I have big tits. I think it's because I'm not pretty and it really makes me angry, especially when whoever thought I was a man reacts like they think it's real funny.