fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2510 ]

[ SECRET POST #2510 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2510 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 092 secrets from Secret Submission Post #359.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, i don't think it's cruel particularly, but it's not *harmful*, either. What's the big deal about a little magic and pretend? Kids pretend *all kinds* of things are real - Santa, elves, superheroes, monsters in the closet....

I guess i don't see the point in this sober, kinda boring 'no, no, Santa's not real' thing. It comes across as either too straight-laced and unimaginative for words, or enjoying spoiling other people's fun in a kind of snobby way.

See my problem is that I think your view is too either/or. Like not saying Santa is real is suddenly unimaginative and not fun. You can have a lot of fun with myths and games and pretending without also trying to say things are real. It's not straight-laced or boring at all in my view.

So, how do you have fun with myths and games and pretending...but Santa is the only one that's off limits? Seems kinda strange to pick *one* pretend to exclude.

And what if it backfires? What if your kid comes home from Kindergarten or whatever in tears, accusing you of lying and being mean because *all the kids* and the teacher, too, at school said Santa is real and 'your mom/dad' is mean/wrong/stupid/making it up to cheat you out of presents?

You're misunderstanding me. I would include the myth of Santa in the fun, I just would never try and say that Santa is real.

I don't really understand your hypothetical. My kids wouldn't be unaware of Santa or anything. It's not like it would be a surprise that others believe in it. Same as any other religion or belief.

Because if you're saying 'Santa's not real, it's just people buying stuff', and all the other kids (and some of the adults) your kid knows are saying 'of course Santa is real, he lives at the North Pole! I wrote him a letter! He brought me a Hot Wheels last year!!', your kid might, possibly, start thinking *you* are the one lying for some weird reason, instead of them.

Just a thought - kids brains don't work like adults brains, and you never know just where they'll end up with the information their given.

I never believed in Santa (I'm not Christian). It was never an issue for me that other kids did, because I understood that different people could believe different things. I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

A lot of four years olds don't think that way, though, you know?

Then do you think this is an inevitability for non-Christian kids?

Do i think what is an inevitability?

Re: Santa

vethica - 2013-11-16 23:02 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Santa

tabaqui - 2013-11-16 23:08 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Santa

(Anonymous) - 2013-11-16 23:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Santa

vethica - 2013-11-16 23:12 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Santa

(Anonymous) - 2013-11-16 23:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Santa

vethica - 2013-11-16 23:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Santa

(Anonymous) - 2013-11-16 23:28 (UTC) - Expand

You seem to jump to a lot of conclusions about what I'm saying. I said I'd be celebrating the myth and legend, and you assume I'm saying "it's just people buying stuff".

And kids are going to encounter a lot of different beliefs in school and life. I believe in encouraging them to understand that everyone has different beliefs and to respect those. And if they come home with stories of other kids telling them their beliefs are real and I'm lying, then we'll sit down and discuss that. Just as I would if they came home with questions about Jesus or religions.

I am the anon below. You answered this much more clearly than I did. I agree with you!

DA

(JMO, so take with two truckloads of salt, and don't call me in the morning. )

"your kid might, possibly, start thinking *you* are the one lying for some weird reason, instead of them."

If a kid ever even comes close to thinking this, there is a LOT more wrong in that house then just whether or not they "believe" in ~~Coca-Cola adverts from the 1900s~~ the big red elf. Starting with, lack of communication between parents and child.

Treat the Santa thing as a story, which in truth, it really is.

You know that animated movie that is the origin for Santa? He was a little toy maker who ended up losing his shop and such? Use that, bu treat is a fantastical, fun myth instead of saying he's "real."

Now, if your kids wanna pretend he's real because of it? No harm done and it's still fun.

Santa doesn't have to be and either or here.

While I don't think doing the usual Santa thing with kids is cruel or traumatizing or anything, it's only "pretend" if you're letting the kid in on the joke from the start. Otherwise you're just telling the kid that something is real when it isn't. In one case, it's a fun game; in the other, the kid's just being lied to. In my case, I felt like I had to try to believe even after the whole Santa thing had stopped making sense to me, and that was difficult and unpleasant.

Except it's not a joke, it's a bit of magical whimsy. When my oldest brother got old enough to realize it wasn't real, he helped my mom and dad make it 'real' for us by saying he heard reindeer hooves on the roof. Man, how we envied him his ability to stay up later and *hear Santa*!

To each their own, but it's baffling to me that something as silly and fun as Santa is freighted with all this weight of 'lie' and 'trauma'. So much of childhood is make believe and pretending and 'if we get to the corner before the light changes, we can get ice cream'.... I'd hate to think of my childhood stripped of things like that.

*shrug* I guess I just don't get what's more fun about being tricked into believing something that isn't true. If it's about whimsy and pretend, a kid can get just as much enjoyment out of it knowing that they're pretending, and without the added stress and cognitive dissonance that can arise. (Speaking from my own childhood, I had erroneously convinced myself that if I stopped believing in Santa, I wouldn't get presents anymore, so I ended up trying to force myself to believe even though it no longer made sense. I could've done without that.)

It's a pity it was such a downer for you.

I got enjoyment both out of believing in Santa, and then realizing it wasn't true and keeping it up for my little sister. The pretend is fun either way, as long as there's at least one person in the house you're pretending for.

I was certainly not traumatized by realizing Santa wasn't real; I got the impression that it was just a Thing that adults told kids and my parents weren't doing anything out of the ordinary. I never felt betrayed, lied to, or otherwise upset. *shrug*

It's not pretending if the kid doesn't know it's pretending. Otherwise it's a lie. Which whatever, some people lie to their kids for fun or protection. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with it, I just don't understand why people get so angry about people choosing not to lie in that manner.

...somebody's angry about it?

Me, i'm baffled, because you say 'lie' like i told my daughter if she spun around three times and said 'abra cadabra!' she'd be immune to cars and could play in the street.

Dude, you are telling your child that an imaginary figure is real. It's fun but c'mon, it's a lie.

...so? When i tell my daughter that the song she's playing at me is 'cool' that's a lie, too - i can only take so many heartfelt, emo boys singing heartfelt (and poorly worded) emo ballads.

But it makes her happy to share her music and so why would i say otherwise? I like some of her music, i don't like some of her music, but when she's really excited about something, i'm not gonna harsh her bliss by dumping all over it.

This is kind of where I'm coming from too.

same

It's only lying if you specifically say 'Santa is real', though. Which I don't think my parents ever really did. We went through the whole thing of leaving cookies and milk and writing letters and going to see mall Santa's and stuff on occasion... But like the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, it was all just one big game, y'know? That as I got older I just naturally sort of realized wasn't real more and more, but still thought was a lot of fun.

I dunno, I guess I just can't understand people who think their parents were lying when they played at Santa and stuff with them.

(I actually had the same experience with God, actually. I used to go to Sunday School and pray on occasion and stuff, but then I kind just fell out of belief the same way I did with Santa. The Bible and stuff was just another set of stories like any fantasy book I read.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only