[ SECRET POST #2511 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2511 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[The Hobbit]


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03.
[The Fly 1986]


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04.
[Slightly Damned]


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05.
[Game Of Thrones]


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06.
[DC Comics]


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07.
[NCIS]


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08.
[Roosterteeth]


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09.
[Mass Effect]
[Art: The Shepard Siblings, by bigcman321]


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10.
[Easy A]


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11.
[Sleepy Hollow]


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12.
[Sir David Attenborough]


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13.
[New Tricks]


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14.
[Hannibal (NBC)]









Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 078 secrets from Secret Submission Post #359.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

This!

I really don't understand the whole "labeling" thing. Sure, I can understand how major sections could be useful:


A: "Babe, why won't you have sex with me? we get along sooooo weellllllll"
B: Sorry, I'm asexual.

As opposed to

B: "I'm sorry, I don't want to have sex with anyone, ever".

Same for gay and straight and bi. They're major, major categories that can help people focus in on a section before more explanation is needed. But all these words that nobody knows? THOSE sort of things just need explanation. It's not that hard. And is far easier than shoving people into drawers smaller than the specimen cases in the biology department. I want to be ME, not some damn set of labels.

[(Anonymous)]

"I'm sorry, I don't want to have sex with anyone, ever"

I'd rather use this, because now some people call themselves (occasionally) asexual even if they have sex due to -reasons-. So calling yourself asexual gets the "Oh, you just haven't met the right person" response. Thanks, Tumblr. One more reason to stay the hell away from the asexual community.

[feotakahari]

Asexual doesn't necessarily mean you won't have sex, it just means you don't have a sex drive. Many (most?) people who're asexual can still fall in love, and they're often willing to engage in sex to make their partners happy.

[(Anonymous)]

And that makes it completely useless as a definition, because it can mean anything.

"I can choose to have or not to have sex. Sometimes I have it because I want to, sometimes I have it to make my partner happy."
"..Okay?"

"No, not ever", says it much better in my case.

[(Anonymous)]

If you're asexual it means you don't want to have sex, not ever. You might really really REALLY want to be a dad, though, and having sex with your (presumably also asexual) wife just once might be worth it.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a sexually-active married asexual friend once who told me that she has sex because her partner enjoys it. He understands that she doesn't love it, and doesn't pressure her to do so a lot, but from time to time they'll have intercourse. She doesn't HATE it, but she doesn't like it or take pleasure from it.

Which seemed incredibly creepy and wrong to me, so I asked her to elaborate, if she didn't mind. She laughed and said it was like when you watch a genre of movie you dislike, or go to a sporting game/hiking with someone even though you don't like to. You want to share a moment with them, and THEY like the moment, so you get second-hand pleasure from it.

I said I understood. Although I'm not sure I do. Perhaps it's the stigma and weight our society puts on sex, but somehow going to a football game seems much less of a personal imposition than letting a dude put his dick in me. But, hey, it's her choice and she's obviously quite happy so I suppose I've not a single cm of room to comment...

[elialshadowpine]

It makes sense to me. If the attitude is just "meh" vs. "OMG EW", it makes sense to me to do something that a partner wants because they like it. I'm not asexual, but I consider that I have participated in previous partner's kinks that were not mine, that I really couldn't understand what the big deal was about... but it was a big deal for them, and they wanted it, and I didn't object... I just wouldn't be actively interested for myself. I didn't get off on it but I enjoyed giving my partner that pleasure, if that makes sense?

That sounds like what it may be like for your friend, since she doesn't sound like she is particularly upset by it.

[gondremark]

A gay guy can have sex with a woman for whatever reason (old-fashioned fatherhood springs to mind, as does ill-advisedly trying to make a point) but that doesn't magically make him straight or bi or otherwise not gay.
By the same logic, an asexual person can have sex and still be asexual.

"You haven't met the right person yet" is what all asexuals get from all quarters, no matter their experience.
"Oh, you've banged eight dudes and five chicks? Well, you can't be asexual, you just haven't met Mr or Miss perfect yet."
"You say you don't want to have sex ever with anyone and that's why you haven't? Oh, you'll meet the right person and that will all change."

[(Anonymous)]

I'm inclined to let people identify as they want. The "over"-labelling feels like something very young people need to do to get a grip on their identity and to connect with others and get a sense of community and a place in the world. If I'd have been coming to terms with myself with those online communities around, I might have totally identified as a lot of things that don't appeal to me with the history of self that I have now. Applying as many labels as possible looks like an easy way to explain yourself away.
The problems with some of the self-applied labels start when they carry implicit homophobia, transphobia, or general dickishness, e.g. saying that there are categories of people you would fuck but not have relationships with, or calling yourself attracted to specific genitals, both of which are creepy and dehumanising, but in ways that a 15 year old with minimal relationship experience might not immediately see.
Now I'm not saying that everyone who identifies as whatever is an ignorant child, and I would definitely NOT draw a line as to what identities are acceptable and which are unnecessary, but I would definitely encourage some reflection beyond "ooh this sounds like me".
Like, labels are really important to me, in as much as they apply to my life and allow me to connect to people, which is precisely why I think that people should be more careful as to what labels they claim for themselves.

[(Anonymous)]

OP here. Yeah, that's more or less what I mean. I have no problem with people identifying as ace or trans or anywhere else on the sexual or gender spectrum. I get that this is a complicated and personal topic and, if like, someone wants to headcanon a character as trans because they find it comforting or inspiring or whatever, they're free to knock themselves out. But the problem is that these are a) actual things that exist but also b) kind of a fad, so often you arrive at things that read like checklists, or contain gross fetishization, or are writte by people who're talking out of their ass. And there's SO MUCH of it. And it's simultaneously grating and ridiculous.