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⌈ Secret Post #2514 ⌋

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I've always had problems with jealousy, and lately there's this one friend whose life I'm super jealous of. It kind of hurts every time I read her tumblr. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this stuff?

Edited 2013-11-21 00:28 (UTC)

Advice? No. Sympathy? So much. *pulls up a chair at that table and buys the next round*

I get jealous really easily, and I don't know if this helps, but often if I get to know someone I will find out there is something shitty in their life and that they are in fact jealous of other people. Honestly the fact that she's posting a lot about her great life might be a sign that she's covering up for something. Or maybe not, but I was pretty annoyed with a friend for all their facebook posts about losing weight and how happy they were at work, only for them to eventually confess to me in private that they were really depressed.

I dunno. Make a list of things in you're life that you're grateful for.

I guess...with my friend (who some things I am super jealous of, other things not so much) I just do my best to ignore it or change the topic if that thing I am jealous of comes up

Because logically her having that thing I want and don't have doesn't mean she took it to me, just means she's been luckier (or better) at something

Still stings something shocking though, so really I just try not to think about it :C

This probably will sound New Age-y as hell, but.

Make a list of the really good things in your life. Post it where you can see it, every single day. If you absolutely have to look at this person's tumblr, as soon as you finish reading, turn away from your computer and think of at least five good things about yourself.

Is there anything in their life you're jealous of that is something you could work to make part of your life?

When I get jealous of people I try to work toward making my life more like I would like it to be.

I'm the reverse of the anon above me, I have advice for you. My advice is this:

What, specifically, are you jealous over? Is there any way you can achieve whatever it is you're coveting? If so, make that your goal. I.e., s/he's crafty, take up a hobby. Or something.

If it's just life in general, that may be doable as well. "X lives in such a cool place!" Best excuse for a holiday, IMO. If you don't have the cash, that should give you the motivation to save up for it.

Distract yourself with plans for your OWN life, and you will soon forget all about someone else's, is what I'm trying to say.

I don't know I guess I just try to be happy that someone has found something that makes them happy in a world that is often shitty. but I'm not really a jealous person by nature so I don't know how much that helps.

There's someone I follow on Tumblr who seems to have an awesome life and I'm jealous of them. I stopped looking at their stuff for a while and that helped.

One thing I try to remember is that things change. I don't mean you should soothe yourself with fantasies about your friend's life going to hell, but just that you should remember that your friend doesn't have the permanent title of "Best Life Ever." A friend of mine and I have gone through a bunch of different life phases together, and sometimes I've been jealous of her, and sometimes she's been jealous of me. Sometimes we're even jealous of each other at the same time. (Once, when we were teenagers, we actually solved this by trading the Christmas presents we'd received from our parents.) But as long as you can remember that there's a reason you two are friends, then it should be easier to not hold jealousy against someone. =)

While I don't wish people ill, I remind myself that no matter what a person has that I covet, that person could lose it at any time and without warning. All it takes is the right disaster and even shiny happy people are not immune to such a thing.

Something that always works for me is to find out about the things in their life I'm NOT jealous of. A comedian I read once heard from another comedian that when you feel jealous, 'be jealous of everything'. I'm jealous of some of my friends who have really good relationships with their family, but some of them struggle hugely with their studies, and I'd never want that.

I find this totally relatable, and I think it's not unusual in this social media era. I saw this quote (corny, yes) and it's pretty damn applicable: "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."

Social media is everyone's highlight reel. We don't see our FB/Twitter/Tumblr friends battling anxiety, or dealing with their health issues, or being lonely and depressed, or the self-doubt and self-loathing they might deal with (ok, some people DO share those things on social media, but you get my drift). The point being, as someone who also really struggles with envy, it's important to 1) remember all you have that some people would kill for, and 2) that person you envy may (and likely does) still have loads of worries/fears/problems you never hear about.

I call this "gollum therapy"
Whenever you catch yourself feeling too jealous, take a moment to go into the bathroom, give yourself your creepiest google-eyed manic stare, rub your hands together and repeat, "We WWANNTS what they HAAAAASSSS! WE WANTS IT! Yes, yes! PRECCCIOUUUUSSSSSS!" Sooner or later, you'll stop being able to keep it up, have a good laugh, and get back to your life. It's the only thing that got me through the last year of my studies while interacting with all my friends who had their degrees early / got jobs / etc.

I like this idea. Laughter really can be the best therapy sometimes!

This'll sound kind of harsh... but just get over yourself?

I'm not clear on what you are jealous of, or how close to this friend you are. Is this an internet friend? Is this a real life friend? You mentioned you get jealous when you read about her life on tumblr. How are you so certain her life is as ridiculously awesome as she makes it sound?

Not to say all people who gush or just talk about good things in their lives are liars, but maybe what you perceive as awesome isn't so much that?

If her life really is that awesome though, what are you doing to enrich your own life in the meantime? Are you just sticking around her tumblr, being jealous of her? Do you not have the time or the means to do anything else? Have you tried to find something, an interest that appeals to you and has nothing to do with her, and try to own it?

If it hurts that much to read her blogs, then try to visit less and focus on your own life and interests. No need to compare awesome life-cocks with her, just find something so that you can be content with your own life.

When I was in high school, I was deeply jealous of my best friend. It felt like she was always one step ahead of me: she always got just a teensy bit of a better grade than me; her ACT and SAT scores were a little bit higher than me, etc. I was fiercely competitive academically. But she was also my best friend and I loved her deeply too. It took us graduating high school and going to college where we majored in different fields and weren't in direct competition with each other for anything. Also some growing up and maturing that happened during that time. I do not know what the object of your jealousy is, but it might help if you just remove yourself from the equation if possible. IDK It's a really hard thing to deal with especially when you also like the person.

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