fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2514 ]

[ SECRET POST #2514 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2514 ⌋

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I work at a very small business. It is just 4 employees and our 2 bosses. I am the most recent hire (I knew 2 of the people who worked there vaguely). Since my boss told me I could, I have been using my headphones nearly 90% of the time at work. sometimes I go in there and only say like 5 sentences the whole day.

should I be more social? I have nothing in common with my coworkers. Sometimes they ask/talk about sex/personal stuff that I have no interest in talking about (one woman in particular). should I make an effort to interact with them more at work?

As long as you're getting your work done and not doing anything you're not supposed to, I don't think it matters. There's no rule that says you need to be friends with your coworkers, and honesty, I think talking about sex at work is pretty unprofessional.

They are all friends with each other (and with one of the bosses). I am friends with one of the bosses as well, just not as close as they are. So, it is a pretty laidback setting, I just really do not talking about stuff like that.

No, you shouldn't make the effort. And that one woman asking those questions raises all kinds of red flags. She may be gunning for you (jealousy/feeling threatened/company bully), so steer clear of her as much as you can, try not to answer anything she asks that she can twist against you (which is probably going to be almost anything; some of them are so bad they'll make it all up whole cloth, if you even speak so much as a completely unrelated sentence to them).

Your boss told you that you could wear your headphones? Your boss knows something about the company culture he wants to spare you from. Keep those headphones on, keep your head down, do an excellent job, and if anyone tries to undermine you (especially the one woman you mention above), document everything.

She has been asking questions (when did you first have sex? Ever make out with a girl? Ever had a threesome) while I have headphones in and even when I am not listening to music, I ignore her.

Wow. Unprofessional, totally inappropriate, creepy--it sounds like sexual harassment, tbh.

What's the atmosphere like? Is everyone else pretty social and chatty? If so, you might want to try to join in or at least wear the headphones a bit less. Maybe only in one ear?

At the end of the day it's your choice. If you don't want to be social or friends with these people and are comfortable just headphoning it up, go with it. But if you'd like a more social relationship with the co-workers, put a little effort in and give it a try.

The other 3 are friendly with each other but A and B grew up together while B and C live next to each other. I talk to them during lunch and stuff if they talk to me, but I don't really care if I cultivate a friendship with them or not. I can never see us hanging out together.

Yeah, then I wouldn't bother. Chatting at lunch is enough socializing to not make it weird, imo, so keep on with the headphones.

Sounds to me like there's no awkwardness and they're trying to be nice to you and not exclude you. If you're happy with where it is, then you're happy. If you decide you want to chat more, than chat more. :) Doesn't sound like you're being rude.

Which one is the creeper? (And yes, she is a creeper.)

A is the creeper. B I know a little bit. A and C, I did not meet until I started working there.

I'm thinking that if you befriend B and C, they might intervene a little when A is trying to make inappropriate conversation.

That's a really tough one. I'm social at work in the sense that I'll chat with my co-workers while working and know most of them well enough to make small talk, but I like to eat my lunch alone with my headphones and they all know by now that that time is my 'destress' time to decompress and get away from anything frustrating that happened in the morning.

I don't think it'd hurt you to make a concentrated effort to make small talk, but at the same time I'm definitely one of those people who don't think it should be mandatory for co-workers to act like BFFs. To me work is work and my social life is different.

Yes being on good terms with your co-workers is going to make things go more smoothly, but also if it makes you uncomfortable, as long as you're polite and do your work, they might think you're 'unfriendly' but it's not likely to really cause any problems.

Sorry that that was really teal deer and not too helpful. :/

I am on good terms I think. I just don't socialize and chat about personal stuff. :3

Enh, in that case if you're comfortable as you are, I don't think (unless upper management has come to you to say something about it) that being friendlier is necessary if that's not what you want out of being there.

Personally I'm the kind of person where I'd like to be able to go in and get my work done with as little human interaction as possible (sadly not a possibility where I am. XD).

I'm going to go against the crowd here and say that if you expect to be at this company for more than about 6 months, you really should make an effort to be more social. Unfortunately for people like you and me, working at anything more than a temp job isn't just about getting your work done; it's about creating the impression that you really like being there and won't, say, jump ship the microsecond you get a better offer. All else being equal, the people who are more social are more likely to get raises and promotions, because they give off the impression that they care about their coworkers and the job as a whole.

My boss suggested to me that, in order to build up my socialization skills, I should ask at least one of my coworkers how they're doing every day, try to find out what's new with them, etc. It doesn't matter if you're actually interested in the answer, simply asking the question is enough to create the impression that you want to know how they feel--although if you can remember the next day to ask how their dog's knee surgery went or whatever, that's a bonus. After a while it becomes habit, which is weird as fuck to me since I catch myself doing it when I never would have before.

However, anybody who's asking about things you don't want to tell them can fuck right off (politely).

...working at anything more than a temp job isn't just about getting your work done; it's about creating the impression that you really like being there and won't, say, jump ship the microsecond you get a better offer.

Oh please. In today's world, everyone's disposable, and anyone with half a brain jumps ship in a heartbeat if they find a better job than the one they're in. The kind of "loyalty" that would stick with a less good job if a better one presented itself is not a virtue.

There is no chance of promotion in this job. It is a small business. There is also really no chance of me being fired unless I do something really stupid repeatedly. So I don't really need to socialize for those reasons.

I definitely agree about it becoming a habit. I'm a generally social person but one coworker and I will ask each other our weekend plans every Friday and then ask how the weekend was every Monday, just general friendliness.

Eh, if you're not shooting the shit all day, you're probably doing a better job of getting your work done.

My boyfriend once had a job where they refused to bump him up from trainee status because he wasn't friendly enough with his co-workers. :/ Excuse him for not getting distracted by small-talk.

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