fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2527 ]

[ SECRET POST #2527 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2527 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #361.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Since yesterday was all about compliments, let's continue the feel-good with a twist. What sick burns have you had directed your way that just made you hold your head high?

My personal gallery:

"A cold calloused fish"

"A poor substitute for human affection"

"Like Shasta cola when compared to the real thing"

Awwwwwww~! Thank you papa <3

I wish I was a cold calloused fish. I've got the "toughness of a wet noodle."

Aww, I can't think of any. ):

Though this one girl that I didn't get along with in middle school wanted fight me. I was literally waiting for my mom to pick me up and she's like you wanna fight, bitch? and told her no and then she walked off.

"You are such lesbians" said in a derogatory way by a girl who was trying to make fun of me because I was fake wrestling with... a boy who had sat on my lap.

"And your arrogance is Faustian."

The above is a noteworthy excerpt from a much longer string of insults thrown at me by a jerk I went to school with. I'm pretty sure he didn't actually know what the word Faustian means.

something about my having "mannish hands". Which would be funny enough as an insult, but my hands are comically tiny even for a 5'0" girl.

I can't claim credit for this one, but my favorite was the wail in response to someone trolling a community on Christmas day, "You make baby Jesus cry on his birthday."

I don't remember any particularly memorable ones. I have gotten "waste of space/oxygen" and at least one of the many variations on "you pile of shit" but I think many of us have experienced those.

I laughed pretty hard when one of my idiot stalkers referred to me as an "ice queen". For three reasons:

1. It is not exactly a source of shame that I'm "cold". My brother even told me back in our teenage years that he and some of our mutual friends were sitting around making up ridiculous metaphors and such using people they knew as references, and he got a big laugh with "Man, it's colder than [pantswarrior] outside!" He got another big laugh from me.

2. Shiva has been my favorite FF summon since FFIV came out. If she's not an "ice queen" I don't know what is - and thus, not even remotely a bad thing!

3. All this time I thought I was an ice princess - I've been promoted!

In the I'm-not-sure-if-it-was-a-compliment-or-insult realm, once I had someone tell me "You're sexy, in a drowned rat kind of way :)"

"You smell like a duck."

Granted, this wasn't said to me directly, but was reported to me by a friend who overheard someone saying this about me. So I suppose it is possible that she misheard them, but it's so hilarious that I prefer to believe it.

Not exactly a favourite, but certainly the most ridiculous, courtesy of my ex-boyfriend: "You're Spock."

Someone once called me "overly logical" and really meant it as an insult but all I heard was a comparison to Spock and couldn't help thinking that was the most flattering thing anyone had said to me.

I'm not sure it's a burn, it was said ~So Very Poetically~: "Sometimes I think you're kinda like me. Only, it's more like 'me driving a motorcycle on nitro at 300 km/h, knowing the breaks are broken and not giving a fuck'."

That one was my dad. I was at the hospital after a... mistake I made. No, it wasn't a traffic accident.

It was followed by a sigh and a "What are we going to do with you?"; said with the Son-Im-Dispoint (TM) expression.

"You're a brain."

"You act smart."

"You would look really good if your clothes didn't suck."

Yep. These were all people actively trying to insult me. Zero fucks given by me; thank you for your lovely compliments.

So what's the difference between acting smart and being smart I wonder.

From an online hater: "You stupid cupid!"

I still have no idea what it means. What it meant to be an iteration of "cupid stunt/stupid cunt"? Either way, I got a laugh out of it.

This reminds me of that Princess Diaries/Mandy Moore's "Stupid Cupid". :)

I don't think this was entirely meant as an insult, which made it hang around in my head more, but: "You're cute... at best."

...I think you're probably not her, because she has a very distinct way of typing, but those exact words were definitely once said to one of my friends when I was sitting next to her.

(It was her ex-boyfriend. He was trying to get back with her. He had just called me and another one of her friends hot. Yeah.)

Re: Your favorite insults you've gotten

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-04 18:40 (UTC) - Expand

"You read too many books."
Lots of strange people in chatrooms in the 90s.

Re: Your favorite insults you've gotten

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-04 05:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Your favorite insults you've gotten

purpleseas - 2013-12-04 07:05 (UTC) - Expand

My stepfather called me a shrieking harpy. I was eleven, defending my mother, and he was the one screaming. I just kind of laughed because it was so random and he lost his mind and that was the last time I ever took anything he said seriously.

Nothing has ever topped that moment of surreal wtf this adult is a lunatic, did this grown man just call a little girl a harpy, lol? realization.

Re: Your favorite insults you've gotten

scrubber - 2013-12-04 14:58 (UTC) - Expand

"You are like some kind of really long dachshund who sticks its nose up people's pants."

(paraphrased from my sister, who was yelling at me for butting into her "affairs" for the 19th time. For reference, my sister was fifteen years old at the time and her "affairs" were her outrage that my dad wouldn't let her drive on the highway yet. However, she really did refer to them as "her affairs". It was glorious. However, I couldn't help laugh and then she hit me in the ribs with the corner of a Doonesbury collection.)

Edited 2013-12-04 04:00 (UTC)

"Get a personality!"

When asking a customer if they wanted a (large) purchase all on their one card. I'd had a lot of splits that day, complete with, "Oh wait, can you split that?" and just wanted to be sure. The county fair sure brings out the light in people...

Just observed that, for failing to commiserate with a whine over fast food breadstuffs, I have been accused of lacking a heart by dethtoll.

I am excessively diverted.

Re: Your favorite insults you've gotten

scrubber - 2013-12-04 22:56 (UTC) - Expand

I was really giddy when some random strangers in the car next to me called me a "fucking faggot" because it meant I successfully passed as male.

Re: Your favorite insults you've gotten

scrubber - 2013-12-05 04:35 (UTC) - Expand

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