[ SECRET POST #2527 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2527 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #361.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Is it really necessary to tell people this?

[pantswarrior]

No one is under any obligation to come out as anything - that would just be crazy. The reason I "came out" as asexual was mostly so that I can spread awareness. There are lots of people out there, especially in their teens and early 20s, who are extremely confused about "being different" from their peers, and when I was that age, there were no resources for asexuality. Young people should know that it's a possibility, and that if they happen to be asexual, it's okay. Like the websites you mentioned looking at - there were none, and so those who were confused had nothing they could even stumble across in search of more information.

And then there are those who think that sex is an absolute, a necessity, a simple fact of human existence. They judge people and call them liars or mentally ill or whatever if they say they're not attracted to anyone. I have seen this NUMEROUS times in my own life. I am out because I want to help spread the word, correct misinformation, and spread acceptance, so that these people are no longer the norm.

In short, I "came out" because someday I want it to not be a big deal to "come out" as asexual, and if I can help with that in some small way, then that's a good enough reason.

Re: Is it really necessary to tell people this?

[(Anonymous)]

How much do you think the wording matters? I guess you could say I'm "out" to my family and friends in that I explained it to them, they know how I feel, and they know not to try to set me up and not to expect grandkids (in my parents' case) but I never specifically used the word "asexual" because it honestly didn't occur to me at the time.

I definitely understand where you're coming from as far as awareness, though, because you're right--when I was figuring it out there weren't any websites and for a long time I just felt like there was something wrong with me. I don't want any other kids to feel that way, but I'm wondering how important it is to say "it's called asexuality, and here's a website where you can go read about it" vs. "some people aren't interested in sex/relationships and that's totally fine and there's nothing wrong with it".

What do you think?

Re: Is it really necessary to tell people this?

[pantswarrior]

I think you need to say as little or as much as you're comfortable with and not worry about whether you used specific internet-approved words. =) I myself am comfortable speaking out and confronting people (well, most days), so I intentionally put myself out there, and explain in great detail if the subject comes up. Some people don't like conflict or just don't have the spoons/patience to deal with questions, so they don't ever say anything. That's fine. The outspoken people are trying to make it so the non-outspoken people don't ever have to explain anything if they don't want to. =) My way is definitely not everyone's way.

So if you want to be an advocate/resource, it is a good idea to use the specific words that other people are likely to use. If you just want to get the basic idea across to people who know you, use whatever wording seems most appropriate for your situation. (Honestly, not EVERY instance of low attraction/lack of interest in relationships and sex falls under the "asexual" category, despite what some folks say - so especially if you're not sure, there's a good reason to not be specific.) The main difference between those last two statements is basically education vs. reassurance, and either is a good thing to offer people, under most circumstances.

Re: Is it really necessary to tell people this?

[(Anonymous)]

That makes sense. I'm not outspoken at all (I wish I was, I feel like it'd make my life easier in general) so I have a hard time with sharing personal things about myself but I wish I could be an advocate because asexuality is still something that very few people seem to know exists.

(Honestly, not EVERY instance of low attraction/lack of interest in relationships and sex falls under the "asexual" category, despite what some folks say - so especially if you're not sure, there's a good reason to not be specific.)

That's part of it, too, I think. I use "asexual" online because it's easiest (and online it's more likely that people will know what it means) but I'm not entirely sure how well it fits as a label, honestly. (In a way I kind of feel like my sexuality is constantly fluctuating...just when I think I have it nailed down, I'll figure out some other aspect of it or gain some new perspective on sexuality in general that makes me question mine all over again.)

The main difference between those last two statements is basically education vs. reassurance, and either is a good thing to offer people, under most circumstances.

The one thing I will do is say something whenever someone is giving someone else a hard time or saying things in general about how everyone needs sex and/or relationships and if you don't you're weird. Who knows if someone who's listening to that is someone that isn't interested themselves? No one needs to feel like a freak. I don't really do anything beyond correct them that not everyone wants those things, and if someone doesn't it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. I wish I could be more outspoken about educating people, though...I guess that's something I need to work on.