fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2529 ]

[ SECRET POST #2529 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2529 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

[Babylon 5, Art by A-gnosis]

__________________________________________________

03.

[HGTV]

__________________________________________________

04.

[Boy Meets World]

__________________________________________________

05.

[Doctor Who, "Day of the Doctor"]

__________________________________________________

06.

[Battlestar Galactica]

__________________________________________________

07.

[Brian Cox, Jim Al-Khalili]

__________________________________________________

08.

[Doctor Who]

__________________________________________________

09.

[Top Gun]

__________________________________________________

10.

[Once Upon a Time in Wonderland]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 017 secrets from Secret Submission Post #361.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 2 - posted twice ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I see a lot of articles and people discussing how you can be a better friend to somebody who has a mental illness. Recently I've been thinking about how I, someone who has anxiety problems and some mild depression, can be a better friend. My friends are great and I want to treat them the best I can!

One thing I thought of was that it's important you tell your friend if there are certain things that bother you so they are aware of it. Does anybody else have any ideas on how to be a better friend while dealing with a mental illness? Or just things that make a good and strong friendship in general.

I think the bottom line of friendships is effort. So if my friend invites me out to a bar and I don't feel comfortable in that environment, it's important that I suggest other activities for other times if I keep turning her down on that (and yes, express that it's not my kind of outing, which she knows and just wants to make sure I don't feel left out). Honest communication factors into that. Also going to their significant events, like her choral concerts that I need to go to more often.

I lost a friend a loooong time ago because I'd never spend the night at her house whenever she'd ask, and I never explain why to her, so this is good advice.

Friendship does indeed boil down to mutual effort, I think.

I try to tell my friends what I want from them in terms of support. It works a lot better than expecting them to magically divine what I want and then feeling bitter when their own awkward ideas don't work.

I've gotten really used to friends who are really uncomfortable about the whole subject and freeze up with no idea what to say. I just reassure them that sometimes I just need to know that they care enough to spend some time with me and there is no perfect thing that they need to say.

My friends are super uncomfortable when I talk about it, so I think this is good advice. :)

I have a friend who is straight up a 24/7 basketcase. Up until last year it was manageable, but sometime around 15 months ago it just BLEW THE FUCK UP. Pretty soon she was pestering me CONSTANTLY on an hourly basis with her stupid indie comics sex life drama. She would message me at the worst possible times, keeping me up well past 8am because if I said "I have to go to bed" she'd get all passive aggressive. At one point I finally said "oh my god you have gone on and on and on almost nonstop for nine months and I'm done, please deal with your problems already and stop ignoring me when I give you advice" and she got REALLY angry with me and started to threaten suicide and was telling me YOU'RE JUST ABANDONING ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I CAN'T TRUST ANYONE TO BE THERE FOR ME YOU NEVER LOVED ME BAWWWW and I'm thinking, I put up with your crap for 9 months, nobody else would do that. What the fuck does she want from me? A 24/7 unpaid psychologist? Because I ain't gonna play that fucking game.

I stuck with it, but it got to the point where I hated to be playing video games because she might message me on Steam, and I'd not be able to pretend I wasn't there.

She seems to be better now but I really, really do not want to go through that again. I feel like a bad friend because I just wanted her to shut the fuck up and deal with her shit like an adult instead of spinning her tires endlessly for a year and demanding my attention. And I was always afraid of cutting her off completely because I worried I might not get her back when she finally fucking over it.

Edited 2013-12-06 01:00 (UTC)

Holy cow, sorry you had to deal with that. You really should have asked her to seek a counselor or therapist because that was not okay. :(

I'm always afraid that I put a lot of stress on my friends with all my issues when I'm going through a rough time. I know it puts stress on them.

I did, several times. She refused, usually with some excuse that she couldn't afford it (probably true) or that shrinks in her area all sucked and couldn't help her (probably untrue, she just doesn't want to be helped I think.)

I suggested to her one night that she actually ENJOYS being upset because she's never truly happy, hasn't been since the day I met her. She got mad at me, was like "you think I like being upset all the time?"

Well, considering that you have a fucking breakdown if the weather doesn't go your way, yeah...

Edited 2013-12-06 01:20 (UTC)

Hey, you know that it puts stress on your friends, which means that even if you aren't always able to act in a way that's considerate of them, you are thinking of them and their feelings. If your friends are any kind of friend worth speaking of, they'll understand that and appreciate it and won't hold it against you when things get rough.

It sounds like the person dethtoll's talking about didn't have any consideration for anyone outside of herself, and didn't even think about the fact that she might be hurting other people with her shit. Even the fact that you're worried about stressing your friends out means you are not anywhere near her league.

I know someone almost exactly like this, and can't decide if that's comforting or depressing.

That is one of the most manipulative horrible things you can do to someone. I had an ex-boyfriend implode after we broke up and he would do something self-destructive or dangerous all the time and blame it on losing me. It finally got to the point where all our mutual friends were so tired of it that they'd be like, "Oh, Kyle's trying to drown himself in the pool again," shrug, and go back to whatever they were doing. But when he initially starting that behavior, it really scared me and made me feel guilty and it was just a shitty shitty thing for him to do to me.

First time my friend threatened suicide I took it seriously because unfortunately she is just that much of a basketcase that there was a real possibility she'd do it (and it was over the stupidest thing too. That's the thing -- everything is a fucking disaster for her. She blows the smallest thing out of proportion on a truly massive scale.

Also I feel bad for laughing at "Kyle's trying to drown himself in the pool again." I'm just thinking of someone following up with "who wants lunch?"

That's pretty much what it devolved into, sad to say.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. *hugs*

If you're having a bad day, be honest with them because they know you and might be able to tell. Assure them it's not anything they did and you appreciate them.

Awww I really like this one. Thank you.

My best suggestion is to let them know that, if you're not up to, or able to, or uncomfortable with something suggested, and you have to beg off, assure them it's not them. Also, be sure to ask about their lives, too, especially if you've told them what's going on with your life. Interest in what's going on with their lives is always appreciated.

Just try to acknowledge that your friends have limits just like you, and that they can't read minds. If you need something - anything! - from them, try to tell them directly.

My personal tactic is to be honest and upfront. One day when I was out with my friends for dinner when I was feeling especially bad I was honest; I was feeling terrible and went out to feel better, but they were not remotely responsible for my mental well-being and should never feel obligated or pressured to cheer me up. Going out was something I wanted to do for myself, not to rope them into making me feel better.

I've also said that yeah, I've got depression and anxiety, feel free to ask me anything because I don't want them to think they need to treat me with kid gloves.

Honestly, after all the shit with my sister being extremely emotionally manipulative with her mental illness, I'm paranoid of making anyone feel that they need to help me. I'd rather have that person leave me alone than have them guilted into helping me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2529 ]

How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness