fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2529 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2529 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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[Babylon 5, Art by A-gnosis]

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03.

[HGTV]

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04.

[Boy Meets World]

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05.

[Doctor Who, "Day of the Doctor"]

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06.

[Battlestar Galactica]

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07.

[Brian Cox, Jim Al-Khalili]

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08.

[Doctor Who]

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09.

[Top Gun]

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10.

[Once Upon a Time in Wonderland]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 017 secrets from Secret Submission Post #361.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 2 - posted twice ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I have a friend who is straight up a 24/7 basketcase. Up until last year it was manageable, but sometime around 15 months ago it just BLEW THE FUCK UP. Pretty soon she was pestering me CONSTANTLY on an hourly basis with her stupid indie comics sex life drama. She would message me at the worst possible times, keeping me up well past 8am because if I said "I have to go to bed" she'd get all passive aggressive. At one point I finally said "oh my god you have gone on and on and on almost nonstop for nine months and I'm done, please deal with your problems already and stop ignoring me when I give you advice" and she got REALLY angry with me and started to threaten suicide and was telling me YOU'RE JUST ABANDONING ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I CAN'T TRUST ANYONE TO BE THERE FOR ME YOU NEVER LOVED ME BAWWWW and I'm thinking, I put up with your crap for 9 months, nobody else would do that. What the fuck does she want from me? A 24/7 unpaid psychologist? Because I ain't gonna play that fucking game.

I stuck with it, but it got to the point where I hated to be playing video games because she might message me on Steam, and I'd not be able to pretend I wasn't there.

She seems to be better now but I really, really do not want to go through that again. I feel like a bad friend because I just wanted her to shut the fuck up and deal with her shit like an adult instead of spinning her tires endlessly for a year and demanding my attention. And I was always afraid of cutting her off completely because I worried I might not get her back when she finally fucking over it.

Edited 2013-12-06 01:00 (UTC)

Holy cow, sorry you had to deal with that. You really should have asked her to seek a counselor or therapist because that was not okay. :(

I'm always afraid that I put a lot of stress on my friends with all my issues when I'm going through a rough time. I know it puts stress on them.

I did, several times. She refused, usually with some excuse that she couldn't afford it (probably true) or that shrinks in her area all sucked and couldn't help her (probably untrue, she just doesn't want to be helped I think.)

I suggested to her one night that she actually ENJOYS being upset because she's never truly happy, hasn't been since the day I met her. She got mad at me, was like "you think I like being upset all the time?"

Well, considering that you have a fucking breakdown if the weather doesn't go your way, yeah...

Edited 2013-12-06 01:20 (UTC)

Hey, you know that it puts stress on your friends, which means that even if you aren't always able to act in a way that's considerate of them, you are thinking of them and their feelings. If your friends are any kind of friend worth speaking of, they'll understand that and appreciate it and won't hold it against you when things get rough.

It sounds like the person dethtoll's talking about didn't have any consideration for anyone outside of herself, and didn't even think about the fact that she might be hurting other people with her shit. Even the fact that you're worried about stressing your friends out means you are not anywhere near her league.

I know someone almost exactly like this, and can't decide if that's comforting or depressing.

That is one of the most manipulative horrible things you can do to someone. I had an ex-boyfriend implode after we broke up and he would do something self-destructive or dangerous all the time and blame it on losing me. It finally got to the point where all our mutual friends were so tired of it that they'd be like, "Oh, Kyle's trying to drown himself in the pool again," shrug, and go back to whatever they were doing. But when he initially starting that behavior, it really scared me and made me feel guilty and it was just a shitty shitty thing for him to do to me.

First time my friend threatened suicide I took it seriously because unfortunately she is just that much of a basketcase that there was a real possibility she'd do it (and it was over the stupidest thing too. That's the thing -- everything is a fucking disaster for her. She blows the smallest thing out of proportion on a truly massive scale.

Also I feel bad for laughing at "Kyle's trying to drown himself in the pool again." I'm just thinking of someone following up with "who wants lunch?"

That's pretty much what it devolved into, sad to say.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. *hugs*

[ SECRET POST #2529 ]

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Re: How to be a good friend while dealing with a mental illness

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