fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2530 ]

[ SECRET POST #2530 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2530 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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13. http://i.imgur.com/sXm4j5b.gif
[Doctor Who (gif)]

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14. [SPOILERS for family guy]

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15. [SPOILERS for Doctor Who]

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16. [WARNING for abuse]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #361.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Nothing wrong with being girly, it's just that I've NEVER been that way, and I don't like that suddenly I'm interested in these dolls. It's confusing and frustrating to me because I like them, but I'm manlier than all my brothers combined and I know I shouldn't like them because it's making me feel different than I am used to. I didn't mean to imply that there's something wrong with being girly, there's just something wrong with me being that way because it's unusual for me.

DA

You've obviously got a bit of internalized mysogyny or sexism going on, which is frankly pretty normal. I understand that this new turn is making you uncomfortable but I think you should spend some honest time reflecting on why you feel the need to identify so strongly as "masculine" and why it bothers you so much to enjoy "girly" things. Because it's just a hobby. If you like dolls it doesn't make you "girly", it just means you like dolls. It doesn't change anything about who you are.

Hey, it's their identity and they can have a crisis about it if they want to.

They can! I don't think I ever said that they couldn't. It's obviously something that's upsetting them and they can freak out all over the place, but in doing so I also think they should really take a hard look at why this one thing is creating an identity crisis.

*squints at you*

Since when is it okay to start psychoanalyzing real people over the internet, Anon?

Since the beginning of time? *squints back at you* Are you new here?

Okay or not, everybody does it. Possibly literally everybody.

Always.

Anon was just offering advice?? You rather OP just keep on feeling guilty about their new hobby without someone trying to offer new insight?

tbh, I don't think OP has internalized anything. Some women just don't like girly things. They don't think they're bad or inferior, they're just not interested in them *shrug*

You don't think labeling a subset of things "girly", which means feminine, and disliking them based almost entirely on the label, to the point where she has to pretend like the things she likes are really masculine, is problematic and indicative of something internalized? If she had no internalized misogyny, enjoying something that many people might call "girly" shouldn't be an issue. It should simply be a happy exception to her own rule.

This.

Nope. Like I said, not liking something doesn't mean you hate it or it's bad, it just means you aren't interested in it. Therefore OP (and other people) just isn't interested in things labeled as "girly".

According to OP's reply above, the secret is more like, "I've always preferred masculine things, so liking this feminine thing is new and foreign to me", and it seems like she's just wondering "Why do I like this when I've never preferred anything girly before?" so it sounds like she's a little "OMG" about it because it's different for her. Which makes sense if you (general you) have a sudden interest in things you've never been interested in before.

"It should simply be a happy exception to her own rule."

I'm sure it can be a happy exception to her rule eventually, but right now it sounds like she's still trying to figure out why she suddenly likes this particular thing, so she hasn't reached that point yet. There's nothing wrong with that since figuring yourself out is part of what life is all about.

and it seems like she's just wondering "Why do I like this when I've never preferred anything girly before?"

The wording of this secret makes it sound like so much more than that, though.

...not liking something doesn't mean you hate it or it's bad, it just means you aren't interested in it.

Too bad the OP herself says she wants to hate the DOLLS she's fallen in love with, which suggests pretty strongly how she feels about other dolls and girly things. She's not just surprised and mystified that she likes the dolls--she's appalled, because now she's picked up some of those icky girlygirl cooties, and how will she be able to look down on the rest of us now?

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-07 08:23 (UTC) - Expand

C'mon, that's pretty delusional. She's so terrified of liking girly things she insists on calling the dolls "action figures". She repeatedly emphasized that she's masculine, and thereby implies it's an important label to her to be masculine and NOT feminine not just by identity and appearance, but even in name. That is, she implies she'd dislike anything if it were arbitrarily referred to as 'girly' or even 'girlier' than something else.

She doesn't seem slightly confused as you're implying. She says more than once that she HATES this. And herself. There's really nothing mild about her phrasing--she seems actually terrified and phobic of girly things.

This, seriously.

"I don't normally like girly things but I love these dolls" does not indicate internalized misogyny. "I don't like girly things but I love these dolls and I can't understand why because I've always hated dolls and now I'm having an identity crisis over it because the idea of being girly makes me ill" is.

I don't know many people who flip the fuck out over suddenly liking something they've never been interested in before, unless there's something else going on besides not being interested in it.

I'm going to respond to this as someone who used to be a bit like OP, insisting that I didn't like girly things and making that a big part of my identity, and while I'm still not as conventionally feminine as many, my hobbies and tastes are much more varied than they used to be. And from that perspective, yes, this does smack of internalized misogyny.

Not trying to attack OP. We all have it to some degree, I think. Just agreeing with the anon who said she should look at why she's having this issue and maybe come to terms with it because 1. it doesn't need to threaten who she is, and 2. it's indicative of a problematic attitude.

I used to be like that, too. I prided myself in not being "like those other girls" that liked those "girly things".

Fortunately, I grew out of that attitude. Now I just like what I like, regardless of whether it's "feminine" or "masculine".

*high five*

Re: OP

poisonenvy - 2013-12-08 16:32 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

diet_poison - 2013-12-08 18:04 (UTC) - Expand

I agree!

I was the same too. Now I just enjoy both feminine and masculine things too. It's so much more fun.

Re: OP

diet_poison - 2013-12-07 17:08 (UTC) - Expand

I'm butch *and* a geek woman, and have had this unhealthy attitude as have a lot of women I know, and yes, there is definitely some internalised misogyny about it. Without knowing the OP, OP's wording is very much in accordance with how many less feminism women think who have grabbed onto the strategy of distancing themselves from sexism by looking down on girly things. OP's crisis is something many of us have had to confront at one time or another.

It's common to react against something by doing the opposite - and then ideally learn as you grow to ignore the backlash and do whatever the fuck you want.

Just because it's unusual doesn't mean it's wrong. There are plenty of reasons to like dolls that have nothing to do with being girly. There are plenty of traditionally manly things that I like for "girly" reasons. Maybe the aesthetics just appeal to you and you should stop overthinking it and trying to categorize everything :)

Dunno if it helps at all, but just because The Media says certain things doesn't make them true. There's a large population of adult hetero male doll collectors, and when I was in BJD fandom I knew Army and Marine guys who enjoyed collecting them just as much as the 'girls'. They're just not as loud about it as the Bronies.

So if your definition of Manly is lots of guys like to do it, then honestly you'd have a hard time finding a hobby that wasn't manly, because newsflash, men are people and women are people and just like there are female gamers and geeks, there's dudes everywhere.

All due respect, OP, the very fact that a) you see the gender world ONLY as 'girly' and 'manly' and b) you disparage the feminine, is kind of what's upsetting people. Why are you so attached to the label of 'masculine' and 'manly'?

Let me suggest to you 'person'. PERSONHOOD. Where WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU LIKE and you don't waste all this mental time and energy beating yourself up and insulting others implicitly through your disparagement of the female and can get on with your life.

If you think there's 'something wrong with you' because you like something, it means you're too damn attached to ridiculous gender stereotypes. That 'different' you feel is because you are a goddam human/person and people do not fit in neat little boxes. If this is the first time it's ever occurred to you that maybe you don't fit into some phallocratic limited binary gender, well....it's about fucking time, really. Get over it and get over yourself.

Though, if you're a troll, kudos because you really got my goat.

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