fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2546 ]

[ SECRET POST #2546 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2546 ⌋

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Notes:

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I see this comment a lot (like in response to the fashion thread and article up there) and I don't really get this "dressing for yourself" idea? Doesn't everyone only put effort into what they wear when they're going to be seen by other people? And isn't it because you hope (most) other people will like your outfit? How is that dressing for yourself? You spend time putting together outfits just to don't walk around the house alone, do you?

Curious because if there's a mindset to dressing for yourself that I don't understand, I really want to know what it is.

I admit that I personally only go out wearing clothes that I think are appropriate for the given situation (I wouldn't go to the store in pajamas for instance, though I don't judge people who do) but there are a lot of people out there who genuinely don't give a damn what other people think of their clothes and will wear whatever they please even if it's something that other people might find tacky. I do not have that level of self confidence

Doesn't everyone only put effort into what they wear when they're going to be seen by other people?

...No? A lot of people decide what they're going to wear/how they're going to wear it because *They* like how they look in it, not because they want other people to like how they look. Also, only really dressing up when you go out =/= doing it for other people. I don't dress up when I'm at home because, as often as not, I'm doing chores that can get pretty messy and, I suspect, there's an element of "You don't dress up at home or you're pathetic" in western culture that influences that.

I'm curious where you heard the "I don't wear it for you" since I've never heard it [or heard of it being used] outside the context of a woman responding to a guy hitting on her when she wasn't open to it.

No? I wear what I wear because I personally like the way things look/feel with respect to me. That's all dressing for yourself means. Joe Shmo not liking my boots means less than a shit to me.

I do admit to occasionally dressing for the weather, though, so it's not all for me. If you want to get technical.

I do sometimes dress up even though I'm only going to be spending time around the house alone just because I feel like it. I also don't worry about what other people will think of what I'm wearing. I wear things that I like because I'm the one who's going to be seeing it all day. And that attitude is why I wear nail polish but not makeup. I can see my hands but not my face.

Other people do take into account what other people will see, but it's still all for themselves. It's not out of an obligation to look good for other people, but the idea that other people will appreciate what they're wearing still makes them feel good.

I wear things that I like because I'm the one who's going to be seeing it all day. And that attitude is why I wear nail polish but not makeup. I can see my hands but not my face.

Oh man, this is me too!

Yeah. It's the same as fanfic authors who 'write for themselves'. Some of us still share the stuff we write, because maybe somebody else will enjoy reading it as much as we've enjoyed writing it, but we're not going to stop writing stuff we like, however silly or non-canon it might be, just because other people might not like it.

That... is a very good way to compare it. I dress and write for myself, and while someone may like my shoes/tights/whatever or my fanfic/original fic, it doesn't change what I wear or do if they don't.

Um, no?

I dress up because I just feel bleh if I don't. Or I feel as if I'm still just barely awake and haven't gotten dressed yet, and spend the whole day in a perpetual early-morning haze, or as if I'm sick. It's mainly psychological -- when I get dressed well, I feel good, and I feel like I'm "dressed for the day", it makes me feel up to doing things. Even when I'm going to be sitting around the house and not seeing anyone, I put on decent clothes, fix my hair, etc. As soon as I do, I feel better.

Once in a while I am too lazy to get dressed and feel fine doing it, but only VERY once in a while, usually when I take a day off to just sit in bed lazing all day long. And on the flip side -- I don't really worry much about looking good for other people except for work or special occasions, because I'm in the habit of looking good for myself.

I'd say it's 80% for my own state of mind, 20% to look good for other people.

I'd say it's 80% for my own state of mind, 20% to look good for other people.

I like this. I think it's about the same for me.

I dress up at home sometimes. If I'm feeling cute, the fact that I have nowhere to go doesn't matter. I can dance around in front of my mirror or take dumb selfies or whatever.

If I AM going out, I'll dress up because I'm more comfortable and confident that way. It's more comfortable for me to wear cosplay at a convention, for example. And yeah, in a way, other people have something to do with that--you get talked to more if you're in cosplay, in my experience. It's more about blending in than standing out, I think. If you're the only one in jeans and flannel at the Shiny Gold Dresses and Masks party, you're gonna feel awkward.

I think, even if on the surface we want other people to like the way we look, it's because of how that makes us feel.

The "I don't do it for you" is aimed at people who feel the need to make a negative comment. Example - my mother doesn't like my lipstick color. Well, if my reason for wearing lipstick was to make her happy, I would use a different color. But I wear what makes me happy, what I enjoy looking at in the mirror. And the people I want to associate with will either like it or not care. Same with my dad, who apparently doesn't like my short hair. Tough shit, it's not his hair.

I don't really understand dressing a certain way for someone else's benefit--at least, certainly not all the time; for a date or a job interview or something makes sense. I like fancy outfits and silly costumes and will often wear them around the house where no one will see them but me. I tend to alternate between uber-fancy/in costume/trying out monster-makeup and 'lounge around in my pjs all day' if I'm home alone with nothing pressing to do. I make sure I follow the dress code at my workplace when I'm there (no swearwords or advertising on our clothes, nothing baring bellies or cleavage--basic stuff.) If I've ever followed any sort of fashion trend, it was by accident. Not out of any disdain for what's popular, more just disinterest. And I've had random strangers ask me why I wear some of the stuff I do, sometimes because they like it and sometimes because they think I'm crazy. I can't possibly please everyone and it'd take too much energy to try, besides being impossible.

You spend time putting together outfits just to don't walk around the house alone, do you?

Sure, I do, so does my mom (way more than I do, in fact). Sometimes it's much more fun looking (in your own opinion) cute where no one can see you than it is being out where other people's uninvited judgments can bust your bubble. There's things I like to wear that I know might not objectively make me look appealing to other people (I adore dark colors and strategically baggy clothes, none of which flatter me), but make me feel good about myself nonetheless. I only dress up with others in mind if I'm looking for a date or a job. Otherwise, I do it to amuse myself.

Personally, I'd say that I "dress up" for society (in that I will put effort into my appearance to a certain extent based on societal expectations for a 'level' of dressing up in the context I am headed for), but the way I dress up is for me.
For example, it's accepted that in certain contexts women wear makeup. I put on makeup mostly because I want to "look nice" in that context, however, the type of makeup I put on is what I like. I like bright eyeliners, and I couldn't give a fuck if somebody else doesn't.

Or for example, if I'm going out with friends I'll dress up, but the clothes I choose are in a style that I prefer, and I don't choose what some nebulous male on the street with find attractive - I choose what I personally like to wear.

tl;dr there is a lot of leeway within what society constitutes as "dressing up", and my personal choice within that spectrum reflects what I like and think looks good on me, and not necessarily what others would like.

I think most people dress up both for themselves and for others. I always dress nice, and half of it is because I prefer suits and dresses and it is kinda automatic to look nice dressed like that, but I also make sure that my outfit fits the thing I am going to do. Tho you will never see me in jeans.

If I'm going outside to do stuff in the snow I wear my admittedly still a bit too pretty* outside clothes and if I am going to a party I always put on makeup. I don't use makeup everyday tho, because I am lazy. But I do always wear it when I am giving presentations in school and when I have my oral exams.

So all in all, I never buy clothes I personally don't like, but I also dress up for the occasion I am going to.

*For some...

You've never spent time alone in front of a mirror putting together different outfits and thinking, "Damn, I look awesome!" even if you're not actually getting dressed up to go anywhere? I'd say something like 75% of the time I'm dressing for myself, choosing clothes to fit my mood, do I want to look elegant or whimsical or badass today? Due to wildly differing tastes in fashion, I'm aware that other people might not like what I wear, but as long as I think I look good, I will feel good.

It's more or less like this, as far as I'm concerned: I care about what I look like to other people enough to get dressed when I leave the house. That's as far as other people's opinions gets me - it means I'm wearing clothes for them. Not for me, because I would happily go everywhere in fleece pajama pants and a bathrobe or something.

Which clothes I wear, however? That's entirely up to my own whims and amusement, and other people's opinions of my fashion sense are irrelevant.

No. I mean I hope people don't mock me and hope I do look good, but first and foremost I wear what I wear because I think I look good and it's comfortable and it makes me feel good. I hope people like it, but I choose my clothes primarily on my own opinions.

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[ SECRET POST #2546 ]

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