Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-12-28 04:21 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-12-28 04:21 pm
[ SECRET POST #2552 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2552 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
__________________________________________________
02.
__________________________________________________
03.
__________________________________________________
04.
__________________________________________________
05.
__________________________________________________
06.
__________________________________________________
07.
__________________________________________________
08.
__________________________________________________
09.
__________________________________________________
10.
__________________________________________________
11.
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 077 secrets from Secret Submission Post #364.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: mentally kicking myself
1.) Are they actually in a relationship now? Some people don't really see casual sex or drunken hook-ups as a big deal, so it might be that your crush hasn't entered into an actual relationship with your friend - who in turn might not see it as anything wrong because as far as they see it, your crush is still "open" for you to "take" or make a move on, so no harm done.
2.) Were you planning on making any romantic attempts with the crush - and if so, did you tell the friend? Because as many others have pointed out, two years is a long time, and it's not that realistic to expect people to wait that long, especially if you don't have any obvious plans to do anything about it. And going on that, how serious is this crush and have you explained how serious this crush is to most people? Because for some people, "crush" just means "I find them attractive somehow", some mean "I want to be in a relationship with them", and some mean "I am in love with them and can't imagine life without them". People may not even be aware of these differences in perspective and that can cause serious problems without anyone realizing until too late.*
Regardless of these answers, though - it sucks to be in that situation, because a lot of people can understand something intellectually and still feel something else about it emotionally. I do hope that whatever the situation is really like, you find a way to resolve it or at least it resolves itself, with as little misery or few broken hearts as possible.
* = example/case in point: During a recent kerfuffle involving fun make-outs vs serious relationships, crushes, polyamorous relationships, etc., it turned out a friend didn't even want to ask me for a fun make-out until my now-boyfriend had made a move, because she felt uncomfortable making even the most casual of moves on me when he "had dibs". Boyfriend and I both agree that he didn't have any dibs on me - especially as a barrier to just some kissing. We are pondering if I should tell her that if someone who I wasn't already close to tried to claim they had dibs on me, I would actually find it quite offensive. (That said, Boyfriend and I are both well-aware that most people don't find the concept of crushes+dibs to be objectifying like we do, so we probably won't say anything.)
Re: mentally kicking myself
(Anonymous) 2013-12-29 04:25 pm (UTC)(link)1) it was a one-night thing, it wasn't a big deal to my friend but I don't know about my crush, haven't exactly talked to them yet
2) My crush likes me back, my friend knew about my feelings. I'm just very slow when it comes to romance and we hadn't started a real relationship yet.
Re: mentally kicking myself