fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2594 ]

[ SECRET POST #2594 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2594 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Silly title I know! It is a serious concern, however. I've been in a relationship with a man for half a decade now who recently cheated on me. He said it was a one night stand and he regretted it, but ever since he fessed up about it, and as I learned, right after it happened, he's been cumming faster than he ever has in our entire relationship. He's also been talking far dirtier than he ever has in the past as well. It seems to...lack intimacy, if that makes any sense. I talked with him about it, and he told me it was because he "loved me more/Loves me more than he ever has" ever since the 'accident', so he in turn is more attracted to me.

I confided in someone about this, and they told me it sounds more like it's because he he only sees me as a sexual outlet now/is thinking about the other woman when we have sex/doesn't care about me enough to hold off due to well...cheating obviously.

Truth be told I have no sexual experience outside of this relationship (We are not that young, either) Should I be worried about this? It's already been hard enough trying to get over his betrayal. I don't know if this is a sign of him maybe not being as honest as he should be. (It took him two weeks to fess up to having unprotected sex with a friend)

I think you either need a breakup or couple's counseling.

lol So I'm being paranoid, right?

If you mean "So I'm just letting my imagination run away with me and I should let it go", no. It sounds like you guys have a lot of issues, and I think a counselor would be able to help you more than f!s could.

Mmm. So, his climaxing at five-ten minutes now instead of twenty/thirty+ sould be worrying, too?

Re: Orgasming too fast (Possibly TMI)

(Anonymous) - 2014-02-08 21:53 (UTC) - Expand

Why did you think above anons advice = you being paranoid? It seemed like pretty straightforward advice.

This is not your problem to fix. The fault on this lies exclusively with him. You know this. stop trying to blame yourself.

What first anon says. And definitely, definitely go get tested for STDs. And make sure you're protected if you're still having sex with your S.O. until HE gets tested, and comes back clean, too.

Serious stuff here.

Yeah, I have been worried about that, too. The friend of his was a woman from his class that he had only known for three months, lol

My partner and I were in a slump and not having any sex (mostly due to his low libido) and I cheated on him a few times with strangers over skype (masturbating on cam, which isn't quite the same a physically having sex but is still cheating in his eyes). It increased my libido and when I was masturbating alone I was orgasming faster than before.

It could be that the illicit nature of his sexual encounter and his lingering thoughts about it are making him more sexual and more easily aroused, as with me. That's not a terrible thing, if he's serious about wanting to be with you and endeavors not to cheat again. If you can weather the relationship difficulties that his betrayal has wrought, as I did with my partner (our relationship is better than ever now), then you might create a stronger partnership between you. However, you must be honest with each other, which means you retain a dialogue about your feelings and your issues with sex.

Question: is he still pleasuring you so that you orgasm or is he just coming and then sex is done?

If he's not pleasuring you, then I would worried that he is just using you as an outlet.

You shouldn't be getting over his betrayal right away. It will take a while, and it will take a lot of talking. It took almost a year for my partner and I to heal.

Also, you should make him get a STD test and he should pay for you to get one as well. If he won't then that's a serious issue. It shows that he really doesn't respect you at all. Not only did he have unprotected sex, but it would show he is not willing to face the consequences. It's almost even more of a red flag than the cheating.

There's two issues. He got the girl pregnant (She is apparently having an abortion, or so he said...) and he said it was a week ago, and that she already knows she's pregnant. I think he's lying about how/when/what happened, lol

DA - were you talking about this on yesterday's post too?

Yes, same anon

Re: REMARKS BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

(Anonymous) - 2014-02-08 22:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: REMARKS BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

(Anonymous) - 2014-02-09 03:28 (UTC) - Expand

He only told you because he was afraid she would because she pregnant. And, yeah, he's lying about when it happened. There's no way she's getting an abortion after only have sex one time a week ago. That's a lie. He thinks you are stupid and he doesn't respect you. I retract my previous statement about weathering the storm. I'm sorry, but your partner is an unscrupulous liar. He's probably been having sex with her for a while, and more than one. He doesn't respect you at all and actions and flimsy lies are proof.

That, or she's lying to him. Which is still as bad, since he got tangled up with an asshole who would lie about being pregnant and having and abortion. Who knows what else is going on between them.

I don't know much about your relationship outside of this mess, but if he's an asshole like this in other areas of your relationship, I'd say dump him. Honestly, I'd say dump him anyway. This is even shittier than I thought. I'm really sorry anon.

She hasn't had one yet, he said that she decided to have one because he had finally told her about me/about how it was a mistake/etc. Whether that's true or not, ehhh, I don't know. I still don't think you could know you were pregnant a week after the fact (or am I wrong?) and when I said that, he said he must have remembered wrong and it must have been two weeks ago. I googled and it said seven/ten days is enough time to find out a pregnancy from a blood test, which is what he said she had, but I don't know.

Re: SA

(Anonymous) - 2014-02-08 23:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SA

(Anonymous) - 2014-02-09 02:34 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SA

fingalsanteater - 2014-02-09 05:26 (UTC) - Expand

lol

masturbating on cam, which isn't quite the same a physically having sex but is still cheating in his eyes

That's... really not cheating. Your SO is a bit of an asshole if you ask me.

That's pretty subjective. I don't know if I would feel comfortable with my partner doing that, and if they did it behind my back I'd be pretty hurt. In any case, it sounds like for the anon you're responding to, that's in the past and they've worked it out. Let's not start giving unsolicited relationship advice to people who are just helping out the OP based on their own experiences.

... it sounds like cheating to me...

wasn't going to comment on this thread but

sorry, anon, that is 100% cheating

I'd dump him

In the river with weights around his feet so the body doesn't wash up.

Definitely the best advice in the bunch

I just read your comments yesterday and yes, dump him. Dump him yesterday, preferrably. It's not even about coming fast; this guy does not respect you even outside the bed.

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