fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2601 ]

[ SECRET POST #2601 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2601 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 098 secrets from Secret Submission Post #372.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I hate to tell you this, OP, but your last sentence actually sounds like the description of a normal human being, not an "asexual."

Just because you're not as obsessed by all the sexual imagery, concepts and general perspective/perception that the mainstream media/movies/books likes to peddle/shove in our faces 24/7/365, that doesn't make you extraordinary, nor even different from the vast majority of humanity, for not having the same outlook.

What it does mean is that the mainstream media/movies/books are very unbalanced and overly obsessive with/towards sex/sexuality/sexualization of children (real big NO for me right there), which is, IMO, extremely unhealthy.

The thing is, the attitude is so utterly pervasive, especially with the Internet ramping it up even more, that it makes people who are not as sex-obsessed as the media tells us we should be (if you listen to/are influenced by the media in the first place, that is), feel as though they have something lacking, which is only reinforced, by those who ARE influenced towards having that perspective.

TL;DR: OP, did you ever consider the fact that you might just have a healthy, normal, attitude towards sex, and it's the media/the Internet that is screwed up?

the last sentence of this secret is "I owe my current sanity to this character" so where did you get all this insight exactly?
Using this secret as an excuse to go on your "asexuality isn't real" rant is kind of an asshole move, you know.

^this, tbh.

AYRT

I meant the bit before that, about liking the character because he's not sex-obsessed. My rant was more that it's unfortunate that attitudes ascribed to asexuality, or referred to as asexuality, actually used to be status quo for normal human beings, not so very long ago. I think it's only in the last three generations or so (since the hippies) that society and culture has become sex-obsessed.

So what I'm trying to say is, what people call asexuality, the more I see "self-identifying" people describing their experiences with/of it, is actually how people used to be, and this was not considered peculiar or odd or out of the ordinary in any way. I think it's unfortunate that society seems to have lost sight of that, to the fact where it's no longer a default/normal attitude. Albeit one that is much more emphasized on the Internet, helped in no small part by the way media/TV/fiction eggs on the over-sexualization of default society.

DA. Hmm, this is actually an interesting comment. I don't think of myself as asexual per se, but it's the closest label that fits. Probably low libido would be more accurate. And yet, there is this pervasive societal attitude (outside of fandom, anyway) that if you're NOT having sex, then you're not fully experiencing life and there's something wrong with you. So it was kind of a relief to find out that asexuality was enough of a thing that there was a label for it.

I believe you're correct, though, that the trend of overt sexualization is relatively recent. And it's an interesting inverse of the past. Nowadays, there is an expectation that everyone is having sex, and there's something mentally/physically wrong with you if you're not. In the past, the expectation was that you were chaste (unless properly married), and there was something morally wrong with you if you were not.

do you mind transcribing the part of the secret where OP said ANYTHING about society or sex-obsession. because I'm having trouble finding it.

regardless of how right or wrong you are on this subject, all I see is you taking a confession about someone finding sanity and peace and totally disregarding their feelings because you were so eager to go off on a rant??

Ah yes, because you know so much more about OP from their secret than they know about themselves from living their entire life. Rude.
Don't worry OP, asexuality is real and if you identify as such there are plenty of people who will be supportive of you, even though there will be people like this^ who will try to 'talk you out' of your sexuality. They can't believe sexuality is real or for some reason think that people who identify as asexual are just trying to be 'different' or 'special' rather than describing their own legitimate experiences. They're no good for your mental/emotional health, it's best to ignore them.
I'm glad you found something that put you at peace with your identity. There aren't that many, if any, asexual role models in the media, and the characters who don't have sex/romantic relationships are usually portrayed as 'bad' or 'defective' in some way, so I get that just seeing a character who could be asexual who's NOT a complete mess could be comforting. My favourite author, Alastair Reynolds, writes hard sci-fi, and he doesn't often feature romantic relationships and even less often does he focus on them, and I interpret a good number of his characters as asexual to give myself a bit of 'representation'. I wish I could recommend something else to you but the only book I've read that has an explicitly asexual character (The Bone People) is garbage.

what

sexual people can be sexual people without being "obsessed" with sexual imagery/media, and I'm pretty sure not being "obsessed" isn't what makes you asexual

that's...not even close to what that means

your last sentence is especially skeevy

sexual people can be sexual people without being "obsessed" with sexual imagery/media

Where did I refute this? That pretty much defines a 100% human being. Maybe I'm putting my point across wrong? I don't think it's people responding to the stuff they see around them, it's the stuff that is put out there, everywhere you turn around, that's obsessive/unhealthy. To what degree some random general person is influenced by these things, is individual.

The other issue being that since most of the people "self-identifying" this way are actually children, it's definitely NOT abnormal, and in fact should be considered normal. I think we can agree that stuff like "Toddlers and Tiaras" (as one extreme example) definitely disagrees, and represents the kind of unhealthy influences I'm talking about.

Let me try another TL;DR: If these people are not yet fully independent adults, it's actually a GOOD thing that they don't want to have sex or be involved in a sexual relationship, and it is NOT as weird/strange/odd/abnormal as the Internet tends to view it as.

I think you made an excellent point.

Where do I even begin replying to this?

There's no proof that OP is a child, so you writing this as though you think they are is weird.

Asexuality isn't a "phase" or a state of being for a child or a person who is at a certain time in their life not interested in sex. I'm not asexual, so anyone who is feel free to correct me, but my understanding is that it is simply a lack of sexual attraction.

It has zero to do with sexual inundation from the media. I'm not a big fan of that, and I also don't find very much of what pop culture has to offer sexually appealing. I'm also chaste, so right now I'm not looking for a sexual relationship with anyone. But I am still a sexual person. I experience sexual attraction.

Your conflation of asexuality with "being immune to sexual stimuli from the media/being a child/being less overtly sexual than average" and of sexuality with "being obsessed with the oversexualization of everything" is so, so wrong and off the mark.

Asexuality isn't a "phase"

=
Oh yeah? Tell that to Cumberbatch!

Okay, at best you're getting off topic, but the problem people are having with what you are saying seems to imply you know more about the OP then they themselves know and you're assuming a lot here.

I can agree that the overtly sexual nature of our culture can cause a lot of confusion, especially for young people who may just be "late bloomers" but that still does not give you or anyone else to right to tell them how to identify, a lot of people figure out their sexual identity early on, even with all the confusion.

I really just don't know why you think everything you're bringing up is related to the OP, it very well could be, but maybe they are a grown person who just finally had something click with them. It's not unheard of.

This.

Asexual people are children, eh? I'm 20, I'm definitely not a child, and I am asexual - that is, I do not experience sexual attraction towards anyone or anything. Which is what asexual MEANS.
You need to shut up and actually educate yourself before you keep embarrassing yourself by spouting ignorance, fool.

I'm 27 and ace. It's not that something hasn't developed yet, or that something's stunted or broken or undeveloped. I'm just not into sexytimes, at all, never have been and never will be.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2601 ]

Well, OP

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