fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2616 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2616 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 063 secrets from Secret Submission Post #374.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Not liking a kink isn't the same as shaming a kink. "YKINMK" stands for "Your Kink Is Not My Kink," i.e., I don't like that kink. The difference is, it's followed by, "But Your Kink Is OK."

I know what it means. But sometimes people aren't okay with a kink. It might really bother them. They're allowed to say that it bothers them or that they think it's gross, as long as they're not sending hateful messages to someone for liking a kink I don't think just saying that they find it problematic is "shaming". But I don't know what prompted you to make this thread, maybe they are doing that.

DA

It was probably the secret from the ther day about loli vampire/adult pairings that caused them to make this thread. Which is a bit odd since there wasn't much wank or shaming going on there.

DA, btw

Because it feeds into a sex-negative culture that makes people feel ashamed and dirty for liking things that are harmless and enjoyable. This is especially damaging to women, who are often already fighting against the cultural message that they shouldn't have any sexual desires or preferences of their own to begin with, or they're "sluts." People with kinks outside the mainstream often have a whole additional level of societal shame to work through, and feeding into that shame for no good reason doesn't help anybody.

That's not even getting into the fact that many rape survivors have a rape-kink in the fiction they enjoy, and criticizing how a survivor processes their own trauma when it doesn't harm anyone else is also "problematic."

I don't really think it does though, as someone who has a lot of non-mainstream kinks including rape. If they actually are calling people sluts or telling people they shouldn't have kinks then yes. But if they're just saying "I don't like this kink, it crosses a line for me and I see problems with it.", they are just talking about how they feel. If it's a public forum where people can talk openly about their kinks, then people can talk about their squicks. I don't think they really need to use the "it's okay" disclaimer any more than people need to say "it's okay if this squicks you".

Saying, "I don't like this kink, it crosses a line for me" isn't kink-shaming. That's not what anyone is arguing against. That's just part of YKINMK. It's people saying things like, "This kink is gross and anyone who likes it is fucked-up" that are the problem - and yes, people do say that.

I feel like we're both saying the same thing to each other but presenting it as an argument for some reason so I'm gonna go ahead and drop it.

Oh god yes, I have such a problem with the way so many people behave towards rape in fiction and act as if you can only write it if you do it "right," which is extremely offensive to actual survivors because it implies that there is only one correct way to respond to rape. I have a friend who spent months thinking there was something WRONG with her because she wasn't horribly traumatized and scarred for life after it happened to her.

Maybe the person is writing it that way because it's there kink, or maybe they're writing it that way because they're using it as a coping method for their own experience. You don't know, and that's why telling someone that they wrote rape "wrong" is so offensive and fucked-up.

*they're dammit phone what was that even for

Why would you go into a thread about kink shaming and assume that people were just being kind and saying "I don't like that kink"? Like, I assume if someone is talking about kink shaming it is to the degree that people are actively sending hateful messages, mocking a certain kink, being aggressively shaming about a certain kink. Otherwise it's not kink shaming.

Because all they said was that people were complaining about kinks. To me that means they're complaining.

Because there's a not insignificant portion of the fandom community that will flip the fuck out if you say "I don't like that kink", maybe? For example, DNW lists for fandom exchanges - there will inevitably be one idiot who has a tatrum over someone saying "please don't include x, y, or z kinks, they hit my squick buttons". Because expressing a dislike of something has to be judgemental, in their minds.

And that will be the idiot that invariably get assigned to that person and decide to purposely trigger that person by writing exactly what they said they didn't want.

Basically this. I also think this sort of thing has gotten worse since tumblr became the main platform for many fandoms, too. There's just something about tumblr that encourages childish entitlement.

[ SECRET POST #2616 ]

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