fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2616 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2616 ⌋

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

When you defriend people, do you say anything or not?

I generally don't, although I also generally don't mass defriend. But even when I have... it just feels weird to say it.

I definitely don't do "comment if you still want to be friends" posts - I deliberately don't comment on them, because I find them very shallow.

I announce it if the person in question has done something unbelievably stupid or shitty to cause me to defriend them and now I want to warn others that this person has done it. Or to express my opinion on the matter.

Other than that, no.

I don't. Generally, it would cause more trouble and drama than it's worth if it's because of their actions, and otherwise...well. I'd unfriending them because we either no longer talk and/or there's nothing on their stuff I want to read [and we weren't close to begin with.]

no to singular defriendings. there have been times when i've done sort of online house cleaning and removed a lot of people at once, and that i'll announce. usually you get rid of people that seem inactive or uninterested and posting gives them a way to say they'd like to keep hanging around.

Nope. Most of the people I've unfriended probably didn't notice that I did it or didn't notice for a good while. And it wasn't because I was mad or anything, so there was no reason to say anything.

I only defriend deleted usernames. I don't mind people nattering on about their pet squirrel or whatever is on their mind (though I could see it being annoying if they were obnoxious types).

I don't mind some personal life, but I've had people add me on fandom friending memes, but then they proceed to talk about their sock collection almost exclusively. I prefer getting to know them through our supposed common interests firsts; otherwise it's like that person you think you know from something keeps cornering you to talk about her vegetable garden. Who are you, and why do I care about your garden?

Silently slink away. Definitely don't announce.

Unless it's more just defriending the 'dead' journals or accounts, then sometimes I'll make an announcement just in case I have lurkers that would like to stick around.

AYRT

Yeah, I do that sometimes, because I know there's people on my flist who don't post, but they still like to comment from time to time, and my LJ is almost entirely flocked, so...

For actual former friends, it's mostly "defriend" and just letting us both fall out of touch.

I've done the mass announcement deal before with lj and things like TM. Even if a lot of the list was a collection, and impersonal, some folk wanted to keep track of updates or read me shoot the shit in an flock entry anyways.

I have never commented when defriending. Really no point, is there?

I don't, but it's usually because whoever I'm removing hasn't been around for months (usually years), or because the person posted something I strongly disagreed with and said 'if you don't like it you can leave'. Ironically, the one time I've actually done that, the person was offended that I removed them. You told me to!!

I usually don't comment on those either. I used to sort of understand, because it was a way of weeding out inactive friends when LJ was booming, but nowadays it's really pointless.

I don't understand what is it you see shallow about reverse cuts.

That way you can filter people that want to stay in touch, from old abandoned journals and people you used to share fandoms with but drifted apart. Nothing shallow about it.

I'm not the OP, but it comes off as shallow to me because it's sort of like saying "Come beg me to keep you as a friend." Either you want to stay in touch with someone or you don't; the fact that they've added you and kept you on their flist obviously means they already want to stay in touch with you, so why make them take that extra step? It just seems kind of attention-whorey to me.

I think the nature of those posts depends on what site we're talking about.

I never defriend without a specific reason. It's only happened twice. One was an ex (I didn't say anything; the defriend was basically because it kept hurting to see him show up on my feed and at the time I don't think there was an unsubscribe option or I didn't know about it) and the other was a guy who was creeping me out (you can bet I said something to him).

Depends on why I de-friend them, but by and large I don't.

If it's because I got into some kind of fight with someone or disagreement, then usually it'll be pretty obvious soon enough that I defriended them. If I'm just trying to clear up my list of friends, then either I'm defriending because it's been so long I don't remember them, or we still get along but they are just posting too much stuff I don't give a damn about and want them off my newsfeed, and in both cases, announcing the defriending would just cause unnecessary drama.

I don't unless they've done something I find exceptionally offensive, in which case I might drop them a note to let them know, but I probably wouldn't do so publicly.

And I'm with you on those "comment if you still want to be friends" posts. Oddly I've never had someone remove me for not commenting on one of those, so I guess it really is just a way to get attention.

I dont day anything and unfriend. If they're curious they can always ask me.

someone defriended me once and I don't have the slightest idea why they did it. we didn't have an argument or anything. this was someone who i used to be very friendly with.

I really dislike the equivalence between "follow" and "friends." So no, I don't usually announce when I'm dropping something from my follow list or dash.

[ SECRET POST #2616 ]

Defriending: Announce or don't announce?

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