[ SECRET POST #2617 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2617 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

As a note, social justice is not a fandom. Tumblr itself is not a fandom.

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #374.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

NS, NF, etc.

[ 1 - not!fandom ]

[jaybie_jarrett]

I use the word "derp" a lot...and I am also an autistic person who cares a lot about ableism.. I understand some words can be hurtful but I really get annoyed at people telling someone what words they can use on their own blog. :/

[sarillia]

People can get kind of obnoxious with that "this is my blog!" thing though. I haven't caused trouble over this word before but I have occasionally asked people if they could not say something and it was honestly just a question and they were free to say no, but they acted like I screamed and insulted them. I get that they may have had some bad experiences with people who were meaner than me but if I give them the benefit of the doubt by not assuming that they're being intentionally hateful, I'd like to get a similar benefit of the doubt that I'm not just trying to feel superior to them.

[(Anonymous)]

If you actually said "could you not say [word]", it's pretty doubtful that it came off like "honestly just a question". "Could you not [x]" doesn't exactly literally mean "are you physically incapable of not doing [x]". It's usually just a passive-agressive way of saying "don't do [x]". So if those were the words you used, then you probably didn't come off as just asking a question to which they would be free to say no.

[sarillia]

I generally phrase it more as "would you mind...?"

Actually I don't tend to ask at all anymore because no matter how much I go out of my way to be polite and reassure them that I'm not making any assumptions about them, a lot of them still act like I'm attacking them. I just don't have the energy to deal with the disproportionate anger.

Honestly, your line of thinking sounds kind of paranoid. I would not interpret "could you not" that way unless the tone as a whole was passive aggressive. But I guess you've come across a lot more passive aggressive people than I have.

[(Anonymous)]

"Would you mind phrasing your posts the way I want them?" Yeah, I don't know why they would think you were attacking them.

[(Anonymous)]

I guess you've come across a lot more passive aggressive people than I have.
Clearly. More time on tumblr, perhaps.

[(Anonymous)]

But it IS their blog. Asking someone not to say something on their blog is a shitty thing to do no matter what your intentions are. There is no way to ask someone to conform to what you want them to say without insulting them. If you mean to inform them that something they've said has a meaning or connotations they might not be aware of or that they've offended you, then just do that. Otherwise just unfollow them.

[sarillia]

I'm just going to have to chalk this up to People Are Different. I really would not care at all if someone asked me to stop saying something. Either I agree with the argument behind it and do it or I disagree and ignore the request. It's really not a big deal. I'm just not going to understand why people get so insulted by this. It's not expecting them to conform to what I want because I don't expect them to do anything. It's a request for courtesy and they are free to do what they want.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd just like to point out a side note in this little discussion: Sometimes people use offensive language without knowing it. If I was doing so, I'd appreciate someone pointing it out so I could make an informed decision regarding any continued usage. Things like 'gypped', 'welsh', and 'dumb' are almost always known as being negative, but people rarely consider that they're actually insulting Gypsies, Welsh people, and mutes when they say them. I didn't even know dumb meant mute and not stupid until I was almost 20.

[(Anonymous)]

"It's my blog" arguments get kind of weird when it comes to Tumblr, though- the way the interface works, you can be not following someone or even actively blocking them and still have their content end up on your dash.

It's even more of a mess when it comes to tracked tags- if I post something about an actor or show or whatever and I tag it, I'm not just posting it for my followers to see, I'm effectively posting it to the dashes of every single person tracking that tag (or if the tag is a busy one, all of them who happen to be looking at approximately that time).

I don't entirely disagree with your point, but the distinction between personal/private blogging space and public space is a lot hazier than it is on sites like LJ/DW and I don't think that the rules of netiquette that evolved for those sorts of infrastructures are entirely adequate.

[jaybie_jarrett]

I get that.

I mean if someone is offended by a term I'll try to tag when I use it or use something else. Like I wouldn't use the term "retard" that way.

I've just had some experiences being told to shut up on my blog because I stated an opinion about someone's silly 'revenge' slideshow about what men shouldn't wear because women hate or whatever. Some anon came in my blog telling me to "shut the fuck up" and I was like "lol are you kidding me?"Maybe I'm just biased though? So I apologize.

[sarillia]

I see that as being different. Maybe I'm being a hypocrite, but I see someone telling you to avoid a whole subject that you're interested in talking about or to just shut up in general as being different from asking you to avoid a certain word. Usually there are plenty of good synonyms for those controversial words anyway so they can still say what they want to say. And again, they're always free to say no.

I'm just confused about why "it's my blog" is a good refusal but something like "it's my comment" isn't when someone here asks you if you could avoid saying "retard" for example.

[jaybie_jarrett]

Ah ..I understand.

and if you're attacking another person or doing things to harass or bully them it's not "you doing stuff on your own blog"

Just with the word thing...where would it end? I mean people should be using a word to mock or belittle a group, or telling them tot die, but i just seems iffy. especially on tumblr where there's a neverending list of offensive stuff. and "that offends me is often treated like a magic wand of rightnesss.

But people should avoid calling people stuff or using slurs.

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, people can come in anywhere and tell you if something you're doing is offensive to them. That's the downside of having a public blog. And honestly it doesn't matter much if you're autistic or not, insulting language is still insulting language.

That being said, it's your blog and if you want to call the world retarded or derpy or whatever you want that's up to you and people can complain if they want doesn't mean you have to change a damn thing.

[jaybie_jarrett]

Right then I apologize.

I don't normally call people derpy though I usually just use derp amongst people I know or stuff like "I derped" I don't call PEOPLE that though because that would be insulting. At worst I sometimes say "I'm derping" and stuff like that when I make a mistake.

[(Anonymous)]

This is a repeat and SJWs actually being the thing they accuse others of (ableist/fetishizing up the wazoo) is not a new thing. Also read Orwell's 1984 for how and why they do what they do.

Yes, I'm aware that disabilities manifest in different forms....

[elephantinegrace]

Everybody has different ideas of what constitutes an insult. The guy who played my love interest in a play last month was paralyzed from the waist down as a child, and everybody referred to him as "Hot Wheels" because he had flames painted on his wheelchair. But I would never dare to even mention somebody else being in a wheelchair unless they did so first, and only if they actually express clearly that they're okay with it.

Use the word "derp" if you want to. I definitely do, but I would stop if somebody asked me to, whether or not they gave a reason.

Re: Yes, I'm aware that disabilities manifest in different forms....

[sarillia]

Have people who use wheelchairs asked you not to talk about them before? Most of the people I know who use wheelchairs, or other mobility aids, love them because they let them move around more easily. I have a friend who has learned to compliment some of the people he works with on their wheelchairs because they like it.

I'm just wondering if you've talked to people who feel differently than the people I know.

Re: Yes, I'm aware that disabilities manifest in different forms....

[elephantinegrace]

Now that I think about it, it's actually tended to be my parents or my friends who told me how to act. A lot of my social interaction is still governed by rules they and my social therapist set for me.

Re: Yes, I'm aware that disabilities manifest in different forms....

[insanenoodlyguy]

I can appreciate the line is different for most people, but generally stating facts neutrally is okay.

Therefore, it's okay to say a man or woman in a wheelchair is indeed a man or woman in a wheelchair. They know. They are in fact keenly aware of this truth more then you on any given day. The nickname thing can be iffy but you don't have to be afraid to acknowledge those sorts of immediately visible basic realities in my experience.

Though don't just stare like a dope. That will be pretty tired if your old enough to have two digits in your age.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm pretty sure a lot of people think they are helping when they do this stuff. I've had a person in fandoms get mad at a guy for reposting an image of mine (that was meant to be reposted) and basically lectured them over it. I felt really bad for the guy so I told him he did nothing wrong; that it was meant to be shared. Then the other person freaked out and said I was attacking them. Then spent a while making whiny posts on their blog about how everyone hated them. People just get so wound up they never unwind.

[caecilia]

I only skimmed this because I am really REALLY drunk but I think I agree with you?

I hate the word derp though. And herp. And any and every variation thereof. Idk it's just a gross sounding word plus I feel like anyone who uses is it these days is trying to be edgy and anniy the SJWs who are super offended by it.

Like honestly before SJWs became a thing and started calling attention to it I didn't even know "herp derp" was a thing that people said. LMAO.

I'm not really laughing my ass off btw. It's just a hyberpole.

[(Anonymous)]

Whereas for me, calling the times when my damaged brain malfunctions as a "derp" moment helps me laugh at it, rather than break down in tears because of my loss of things most people take for granted, through something out of my control. If someone really takes offense, I switch to "d'oh", but that's a word I don't like because it implies stupidity to me (and thus a negative connotation), whereas "derp" is more foolishness/silliness (and thus is kinder to myself), in my opinion.

Semantics, but important, since everyone is different.

[caecilia]

Growing up I always said "duh", sometimes now I say "drrrr" but I think I might have picked that up after I started seeing "derp" constantly online (thanks to sjws pitching a fit about it). I don't use d'oh because I don't want people to think I'm referencing the simpsons (and yet, I use ha-ha). "Duh" is just what people in my region of the world use, I think. The one that I really do get upset about is retard/retarded, BUT one time I told a girl not to use it (I was like 12) and she said "Well I actually am retarded so it's okay for me to use it." It still made me uncomfortable so I just stopped talking to her.

Thank you for responding to me seriously when I was running around here drunk off my ass. Really. I am not being sarcastic. I was feeling a bit lonely.