fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2618 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2618 ⌋

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Basically I think "dates" are becoming less official and more ambiguous. People will meet and absolutely ask if the other person wants to get coffee sometime or meet up for a drink, but not the whole dinner/movie/one person is expected to pay for everything shtick, at least in my experience. Sometimes it's not clear whether it's just to hang out and get to know each other as friends or if there's romantic interest. From an American perspective, how else do you get to know someone but by spending time with them?

Two people who are not friends don't really do the going for coffee thing either. We spend time with people we know and they might know someone who knows someone.

Before going out to the town we spend time at a friends flat/house and random people you might not know are invited there so mix alcohol and you get to know a new person, or so quite often you might have had sex with someone without knowing much about them then getting to know them better afterwards.

So we get to know each other with alcohol or just soberly at school/work.

~~the link is a lot better at explaining this part than I am tbh~~

We do the whole friends and parties thing to meet new people as well, but not exclusively. If two people get to know each other at a party they'll probably make plans to see each other one on one.

Personally I can't imagine having sex with someone I barely know. People do it here but definitely not as a rule. Just makes me shudder.

It isn't to meet people, it is just a tradition you drink alcohol at a friends house before going out because alcohol is seriously expensive and double that in a bar. So you might meet or already know someone there and get to the "I am attracted to you" place then spend quite a few hours with them at that house, then going out then going back to an afterparty, then you might have sex with them. Mostly if you already know them, if you don't making out is also an alternative.

Having sex with virtual strangers don't happen more often in Norway than anywhere else I would think, but you might have sex with someone and by having sex you are a couple. Because that is what the last weeks/months have been leading up to through various parties and so on.

I'm not explaining myself well I think.

Oh I meant the same thing about meeting at a friend's house before going out, we do that often here for the same reason, but that's also a place you might meet people they know but you don't yet. It sounds like all the lead-up to a relationship over there is just done in group settings rather than one on one. And the difference of sex defining the start of a relationship.

Kinda, but kinda not. It is done in a group setting in the way that other people you know are around somewhere, but they will know the signs to keep away and leave two people alone if they seem to be hitting it of... Which I guess involves pretty much the same things that a date would in The US. You sit/stand talking to someone where flirting is involved and you get to know them better, or in the case where you already know them you might be getting closer to kissing/making out/sex and so on, doing this with the same person for most of the night would probably count as much as a date would.

Then sex might or might not happen at the end, if it does* and you spend the night you might ask him/her to do something later that day or another day if you don't know them well if you want it to continue and if you do know them well you are either a couple of you have to have an awkward "I just don't think we should be together, but the sex was fun" conversation.

*Or no sex but you still spend the night together.

Two people who are not friends don't really do the going for coffee thing either. We spend time with people we know and they might know someone who knows someone.

What do you do if you move to a new city where you don't know anyone? Never mind dating, how do you make friends if it's inappropriate to ask people if they want to hang out or go do something outside of work or wherever you know they from? (I have a hard enough time making friends as it is and now I'm starting to make a mental note never to move to a Scandinavian country because I'd probably wind up some kind of lonely hermit because I wouldn't already be part of a group of friends.)

If you move somewhere new you would go to work or school and get to know people through that then you might do something with them. There is also various social groups you can join, like volunteer work, sports or just random things like knitting clubs. Failing that just go to a pub and you will always meet someone there, and get to know them. Alcohol is the thing we need to be friendly, other countries have their things, we have this.

I didn't say it was inappropriate to ask someone to do something with you, I said we don't in general date. I go to a movie and dinner with friends all the time, even people I don't know that well, but meet through school or at work. But the object of that would be to get to know someone not to get romantically involved with that person.

I also realise that I forgot to add a part to that sentence when I halfway rewrote it, that part belongs with the going to someones house before going out to a pub thing.

[ SECRET POST #2618 ]

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