fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2618 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2618 ⌋

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I wasn't shocked about dating in American movies - I thought, sure, you can ask someone out to do something and see if it works. But later on I was indeed shocked when I realized that's the main way to try a new partner. I found myself at a bit of a loss trying to explain to my American friends that I do date but have never been on a date with someone I hadn't hooked up with before. And finding the idiom hook up was my way out, because now I can describe how it usually goes: you're somewhere doing whatever with friends or alone, then you talk to someone and you hook up.

Disclaimer: I'm Brazilian.

Yeah, in America we tend to approach with conversation and activities. Physical stuff comes later, though how much later depends.

One reply and a misunderstanding already xD If you are out doing something with friends and meet someone, you are approaching them with conversation and activities. You're just not on a date to specifically try out that person as a partner. By using the idiom hook up I wasn't saying it necessarily means meeting and immediately kissing and having sex. It's just that you guys have no word (that I know) for how it happens here.

Hmm...this does seem hard to communicate, lol. I guess we don't see dates as trying out what a person would be like as a partner. It's just like doing something with a new friend, except there's an assumption that you're attracted to each other. Most of what we do on dates, especially first dates, is exactly the same stuff we do with individual friends.

Yeah, the thing is, I know how you do it, but it is hard to explain how we do it. Like, we're already out at a party or bar or park or wherever. We're already doing something. And then you meet someone or start talking to someone you already knew with flirty intentions and continue doing that activity with them. Kissing might or might not ensue. sometimes you flirt with a person several times at separate occasions before it happens. You might go to a bar expecting to meet them again there or even say 'hey, I'm gonna be at X next Saturday' but you don't actually make a date and go together.

More indirect, it seems like? Except it sounds like there's more kissing in public?

Hmm, maybe? I'd say it's more like you said upthread, that it's done in a group setting instead of individually. Though you might be alone in a bar, it's a group setting if you didn't go there with the person you hooked up with.

The usual thing is that you're there talking to someone (and if it works, kissing them and making out) and your friends are around, talking to you and stuff. The new couple might disappear or move away temporarily for more privacy. It depends if your friends are cool with it or not.

And yes, definitely more public kissing involved.

Haha, yeah Americans aren't much for kissing in public. The scene you described does happen here, but that's interesting that it's the norm there. Cool to learn.

The dating in films never shocked me, I just thought it was a kind of film thing that didn't really happen much in Real Life. Also asking people that isn't your SO to Prom, isn't a thing we do, you go with friends or your SO...

For me dating someone you barely know seems pretty pointless and also expensive in the long run, getting to know people in other social settings* seems better all around with the added bonus of being able to leave to talk to someone else without being rude.

*That are oddly similar to dating, except usually you have some friends around.

Yeah, that part about getting to know people in social settings is how we do it here, usually. And a huge yes on being able to walk away back to friends when it doesn't work xD

It is nice having the option of just going "Oh sorry, I just have to go to my friend and ask her about this thing, talk to you later!" and being able to never ever having to talk to that person again!

Do you guys also do the trying to pair people during whichever social gatherings? Instead of setting people up for blind dates we just usually put two people we think will like each other in a setting that they will have to interact. Usually with the help of a third party until that one leaves.

I realise now that what we do in Norway might seem chaotic and without reason, but it is filled with norms and rules and we all know them so it is basically the same as dates, just without the name and with slightly more people you know nearby

Hmm, if you mean inviting two people you think might like each other to the same activity, yes. If you mean actually making them sit by each other or otherwise make them interact, and holy shit, leaving the two alone to make them interact... Yeah, some people do that, but I've always hated it with a vengeance. I can approach and hit on people by myself, thanks xD

Yeah, it's only when you try to explain cultural things that you realize how complicated they are.

I should also say, there's a lot of relationship lead-up interaction that happens in similar group settings here, and generally I think people prefer to initially meet and get to know new people with other friends in order to have that easy walk-away option.

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