fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2622 ]

[ SECRET POST #2622 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2622 ⌋

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What it says in the subject.

My brother moved back in recently. He got me to argue on his behalf with "I'll help with the electricity and food bills". More fool me; he hasn't done a fucking thing. His first dole payment after moving back (he lost his job, which wasn't his fault, but it screwed him over anyway) was gone within days, with him paying nothing towards the electricity. The only reason he paid me back the £30 he owed me was because I won't lend him money without a signed promissory note any more.

Ever since he moved back, however, I've been feeling... pushed away. I never got along with my dad to begin with (incompatible personalities like woah), but I could usually get a bit of attention from my mum. But she doesn't have time to talk to me any more, she takes my brother places without offering to take me as well, she'll give him a lift in a heartbeat no matter how busy she is, but if I ask I get told to walk/take the bus even if she's not busy. Yeah, I'm a grown adult, but it still hurts to be cast aside as soon as my equally adult brother is back in the picture.

Thing is, I should have known this would happen. This is the woman that "[didn't] have the money" to send me on a day trip to France with school, yet somehow found the cash to send my brother on a much more expensive residential trip to France four times (and the last time he technically wasn't eligible, being a year too old for the trip). She gives him everything he wants, doesn't ever say no to him. It's always been obvious that he's her favourite, but the more time goes on she seems to almost be rubbing it in my face.

Then there's Easter. When we go camping for a charity event. Three days in a field with two people I do not get along with, with no distractions to separate us. With two dogs that hate camping, that hate being away from their routine and comfort and the home they're still scared of losing again (they're both rescues). My dad doesn't really want me there, my brother only wants me so he can leech money off me again, and my mum is insistent that I can go. She can't see that everything would be easier and everyone, including the other campers, would be happier if the dogs and I (and my volatile temper where my dad is involved; I learned years ago that raising my voice first is the only way to make him listen to me at all) were left at home.

This isn't all that serious but it's bugging me.

The other day my friend gave me a link to a foundation that was looking for knitted penguin jumpers. She knows I like to knit for charity and that I have an interest in wildlife conservation so she thought it would be a good fit for me. She wants to participate in this too.

I looked into it and found that the people who actually work with the penguins say that these sweaters aren't actually used because they have better ways to keep oil-drenched penguins warm and prevent them from preening (and thus getting oil in their mouths). Most places that used to get sent these items have told people to stop sending them, but for some reason this foundation has started the whole thing up again. They want to put them on stuffed penguins and sell them. Supposedly this is raising money for the foundation and awareness about the penguins, but I can't help thinking that it will just continue to make people waste time and money on something that doesn't help when it could be used for something that will have a direct impact.

I told my friend about the information I had found but she decided it was still going toward a good cause and won't be talked out of making useless penguin sweaters that are mostly going to join previous thousands that are sitting in storage.

They want to put them on stuffed penguins and sell them. Supposedly this is raising money for the foundation and awareness about the penguins,

but I can't help thinking that it will just continue to make people waste time and money on something that doesn't help

Sounds like it's not a waste of time tbh; if your friend want to help them raise money for a charity, what's the harm in it?

There are already more sweaters than needy penguins thanks to overzealous people who didn't stop to research whether they're actually useful. This foundation could just take them off the hands of other places that don't want them but are using up storage space because they have nothing else they can do with them.

Besides, I have issues with "awareness" that is based on misinformation.

Ah, okay...maybe redirect your pal to a charity that knits sweaters/blankets for preemies instead? Same size project, more useful outcome.....

http://www.ehow.com/how_5630758_donate-hand-knits-preemies.html

I keep meaning to ask the local hospital if they'd like some baby hats or blankets or anything. I should finally go do that. Most of what I've done in the past involved larger organizations but lately I've been trying to find more local stuff I can do.

If it helps to motivate you, I still have (somewhere) the very-badly-worn stuffed...something...(can't even tell what it is anymore haha) a volunteer made for me when I was a preemie some mumblety-seven years ago. XD

That's really sweet. I still have a handsewn doll that I was given as a kid when I got my tonsils out.

The foster care system would also probably be really happy with getting stuff like that!

There's also charities that accept knitted beanies and the like for people with hairloss. The poster children are cancer but there's lots if diseases that cause bald heads nowadays... If you feel up to it and are bored sometime!

I've knit some chemo hats before but I'd be interested in the names of some of these other charities if you know them.

I told my mom if she flew out to visit this one particular weekend that - between a work conference, a comic con, and a climbing trip - I would be busy. I told her this repeatedly several months in advance.

Guess what weekend she picked and is now sad that I told her I wouldn't have time to see her?

Edited 2014-03-08 22:12 (UTC)

*facepalm*

Oh, I feel your pain. I really do. >_

My family is just like yours. My suggestion? Move out as soon as you can.

The best decision I've ever made was moving away from my family, and I spent several years feeling angry towards them for pretty all the same reasons you've described here. But at least now I've started to live my life without being trapped in that toxic routine, but I'm still learning how much time I can spend with them without me falling back into it.

At the same time, I had this friend who didn't move out on time, and she still lives with her family. It was a sad case, because she wittered before my eyes, her once perky and happy behavior dissapeared completely; now she's as bitter as the rest of her family. Don't let that happen to you.

*whispers* Are you me

Seriously this. You don't wanna stay around toxic people, especially faaaaaamily.

This. Make plans to get out of there as soon as you can, and when they try to pull you back in (which they will), refuse. Make your own life and your own family. Just put your foot down about the camping trip: you and the dogs aren't going. Start teaching your mom that you can't be manipulated like that, that what you want is more important to you than what she wants. (It took me far, FAR too long to learn that lesson, and I am not a "better person" for it.)

Dear You,

You. Family member. Yes, you. I am deeply concerned for your welfare. I am! But do you know how difficult your food hoarding makes my life around this time of year?

Signed,

The Anon who literally has to start clearing out for Passover TWO MONTHS EARLY STOP BUYING ENDLESS LOAVES OF BREAD AND FREEZING THEM JUST STOP STOP OKAY STOP STOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHH

Dude, stay home. Seriously - why put yourself through that? From what you say, you're already in an unhappy and frustrating situation, just put your foot down and say no. What could happen - they get mad? So what? At least you won't have this hellish trip to deal with.

Seriously - stay home, and make sure you keep your pocketbook and bank card under lock and key.

I'm sorry. :( I'm an only child so I can't really offer any advice re: your brother, but it's not fair of your family to treat you like that. Is it possible to just be adamant about not going? Just tell her "absolutely not, I will stay here with the dogs" and stay firm? I want to say she can't force you to go, but I know how it can be with parents... idk. I wish I could help. :(

On my end, I'm frustrated because my grandma is insistent I haven't emailed her since January. She has dial-up AOL. Still. I know for a fact that I've emailed her at least three times since January, and she doesn't check her email often, so she has to be deleting them or moving them without paying attention. But she says things like "I'm feeling neglected!" and even though I know she's sort-of kidding, I've been feeling really depressed and lonely lately, so it's just pushing all the wrong buttons.

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