fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2624 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2624 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Outlander]

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03.

[The Walking Dead]

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04.

[How I Met Your Mother]

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05.

[Twitch Plays Pokemon]

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[Batman, Kill La Kill, Borderlands]

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[Overlord]

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[Red Dwarf]

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[Paranatural]

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10.

[Pitch Perfect]

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11.

[Insidious: Chapter 2]

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Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So, I have been flirting (I guess) with a guy I know recently. I definitely like him as a person, want to get to know him better to see if I like him as something more, so that's all cool. However, my insecurities keep playing up over it.

Basically, I know he has slept with at least two, possibly three of my other friends (casual sex, nothing serious). I don't have a problem with that at all - nor do I have a problem with the idea he wants a casual thing with me. My problem instead is that I feel kind of like he's gone through our other mutual female friends until there's only me left - like I'm the wooden spoon prize, or something. And that's on top of the fact that I'm in my mid-twenties and pretty inexperienced sexually so I don't even know if I'd be comfortable doing anything with him if it got to that point. Ack.

So F!Sers, any advice for getting over your insecurities about dating/sex? And/or any or your own insecurities you'd like to bitch about? If you don't have any, just bragging about how much of a sex goddess/god you are is good too!

Alcohol. Copious alcohol.

OP

*takes notes*

Alcohol DOES help if you partake (spare me the moralizing, I'm just being practical here), and here's something to consider: you're concerned that he's a lot more experienced than you are, but doesn't that just suggest that he probably really knows what he's doing? Heck, I'd consider that a recommendation.

Not really. He might be so bad at it that no-one wants to have a second go with him.

Sex is a skill. People get better with practice. Yes, some folks are so lousy that even practice doesn't help (I think we've all seen some fanartists like that), but most people improve with experience. Therefore, knowing nothing else about this guy, I'd say the odds are on OP's side in terms of getting a good lay.

Gonna third the alcohol advice. Don't drink too much, just enough to loosen up, say a shot or two. Oh, and use protection.

Also, it sounds less like you're 'second place' and more like he's just a player.

For the first part of your question, it's hard to say without knowing specifics. But if it helps, a lot of times stuff like that happens not because you're his 4th choice on some set-in-stone list, but because casual sex between friends is often a matter of random chance. I've slept with a couple of random guys I'm friends with after parties without any premediation, and it's not like I slept with top choice, then second choice, or anything like that. It was more "hey, I'm horny. We seem to find each other reasonably attractive. Makeout time?"

For the second part, as long as your friend isn't an asshole, should opportunity for makeouts come up and you're a bit skittish, you should feel comfortable going "hey, I'm not terribly experienced, mind if we go slow here?" or "sorry, I'm just not quite ready to do X yet". And just because he's done X, Y, or Z with other people, doesn't mean you automatically have to do X, Y, or Z with him. Or that he'd be unhappy that you didn't. If he's worth some sort of sexytimes with, he'll respect your boundaries. (He may also have some hangups about sexytimes with a new person! Guys do too!)

And remember that people don't just suddenly become sex experts. At soem point, they were inexperienced too!

Good luck, whatever happens!

This is really excellent advice and the OP should forget the rest of us and just listen to you.

Seriously, this is possibly the best advice possible. The only thing I would add is 'use protection.'

I agree, but I tend to tell my friends when they go out "remember to use protection and try not to fall down a ditch*." and that advice probably fits here too.

*It happened to a friend of mine once, she also rolled into a bush with thorns, hit her head on a beam and got a concussion all in the same night, that is Russ for you...

+1. This is excellent, well thought out advice and I agree. If you want to have sex with him the only thing to do is bring it up and see if he's interested. If he is, great! It doesn't matter that he's had experience and you haven't; I seriously, seriously doubt that would change his mind. (And if it does you should find someone else.)

Uh, as for getting over insecurity? IDK, but I guess just remember that we're often our own biggest critics and that you shouldn't take any of that to heart or let it put you off of the experience.

Hope things work out for you! (BE SAFE.)

At the risk of sounding like a total buzzkill, I'd say nix the alcohol. It's great for overcoming inhibition, but it's also great for overcoming common sense. Since you're inexperienced and not certain you'll be comfortable in this situation, you will want a clear head to figure it all out.

Take things slow and don't rush yourself OR allow yourself to be rushed. Use protection, and always, always make that your responsibility even if it's condoms instead of say, the pill. Good luck, OP!

[ SECRET POST #2624 ]

Conflicted/insecure about flirting with a guy friend

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Re: Conflicted/insecure about flirting with a guy friend

Re: Conflicted/insecure about flirting with a guy friend

Re: Conflicted/insecure about flirting with a guy friend

Re: Conflicted/insecure about flirting with a guy friend

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