case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2014-03-18 06:43 pm

[ SECRET POST #2632 ]


⌈ Secret Post #2632 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Game of Thrones]


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03.
[Patrick Stump / Fall Out Boy]


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04.
[Men in Black, Agent Coulson]


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05.
[Twin Peaks]


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06.
[Defenders of Berk/How To Train Your Dragon 2]


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07.
[Lily Allen]


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08.
[Attack on Titan]


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09.
[The Brittas Empire]


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10.
[Panic! at the Disco]


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11.
[Frozen]













Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 037 secrets from Secret Submission Post #376.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
ariakas: (Default)

[personal profile] ariakas 2014-03-19 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
The problem with these kinds of discussions is that there are generally two kinds of women (and hell, yes, men too - I've met men who do the reverse who could land in these categories) who have few female friends.

1) Women who aren't like most other women because they have largely (socialized) "masculine" interests and find it hard to meet women with those interests. Those women they do find they have no problem befriending.

2) Women who "aren't like other women" - because according to them "other women" are bitchy and catty and humorless and they are, like, sooooooo not. They're cool, like a guy! So they go out of their way not to befriend women.

But when we (rightly) criticize 2) a lot of 1)s pour out of the woodwork to justify their (justifiable) lack of female friends and otherwise derail a valid discussion about internalized misogyny. And I say this as a 1) myself - it's not about you. It's not about me. Would you befriend a rare women who did share your interests, who you did click with? Then it's not about you. Stop taking offense where there is none.

That said, please don't lump 1)s and 2)s in the same group. There are plenty of men I've known (especially if they like fashion or theatre) who have almost all female friends because of their interests. It just happens.

...In the case of Lily Allen though there's basically zero doubt that we're talking about 2) here. My hobbies are video games, tabletop gaming, sci-fi, diving, working out, and airsoft sports, and I can still find some women who share those interests with whom I click. Lily Allen likes dresses and makeup and fashion and singing, and she can't find female friends? I would've called bullshit even before the "I'm not like other girls" nail in the coffin.
mautradutor: (Default)

[personal profile] mautradutor 2014-03-19 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
I much agree with all you have said here.

(Anonymous) 2014-03-19 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
I wish there was a way to move this to the top of the thread.

(Anonymous) 2014-03-19 02:57 am (UTC)(link)
+1

cool story ahead...

(Anonymous) 2014-03-19 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
Awesome post, I agree. Recently I've been wondering why I seem to find myself in group 1 (I'm female). I really wish I had more great female friends in my life, especially since my two best girlfriends live thousands of miles away. I haven't made a lot of good friends in the last few years, but the ones I have made are almost all are male, and I guess that's due to our shared interests (comics, sci-fi, martial arts). I work with mostly women, and they're all lovely people and we get along great as coworkers, but we don't have much in common outside of work. I wish it were different, because while I love my guy friends, I would love to be part of a close group of girlfriends. :-/
ariakas: (Default)

Re: cool story ahead...

[personal profile] ariakas 2014-03-19 02:40 am (UTC)(link)
The same thing happens to me, yeah. I meet female coworkers or fellow grad students I get along with fabulously at work/school but when outside of it we run out of things to talk about. I absolutely cherish the few female friends I do have ;_;

(Anonymous) 2014-03-19 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
Great comment.

(Anonymous) 2014-03-19 03:19 am (UTC)(link)
+1000 for putting it so succinctly. I smell BS in Lily Allen's claim, too. What, her interests are so specialized that no women can possibly fit her unique outlook on life but tons of men do? That's nonsense.
diet_poison: (Default)

[personal profile] diet_poison 2014-03-19 04:51 am (UTC)(link)
This is pretty much the whole thread. Yep.
darkmanifest: (Default)

[personal profile] darkmanifest 2014-03-19 07:08 am (UTC)(link)
Exactly, on every front.