[ SECRET POST #2632 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2632 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Game of Thrones]


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03.
[Patrick Stump / Fall Out Boy]


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04.
[Men in Black, Agent Coulson]


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05.
[Twin Peaks]


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06.
[Defenders of Berk/How To Train Your Dragon 2]


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07.
[Lily Allen]


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08.
[Attack on Titan]


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09.
[The Brittas Empire]


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10.
[Panic! at the Disco]


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11.
[Frozen]













Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 037 secrets from Secret Submission Post #376.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Ok, so you decided to "actively seek out women to befriend" because all your guy friends were assholes. Maybe you should have actually tried not befriending assholes of any gender? It's perfectly possible.

[(Anonymous)]

So you've never made a friend who turned out to be an asshole later? Gotcha. Pick any good lottery numbers lately?

[(Anonymous)]

It happens, yeah, but something's probably wrong with your friendship making skills if all/most of your friends turn out to be assholes later.

[(Anonymous)]

Well yes. That's kind of my point? I sucked at making friends because I bought into the notion that male friends were somehow inherently better just because they shared most of my interests. It takes a lot more than common interests to make a friend. Common interests HELP, but the buck doesn't stop there.

Hell, a lot of the female friends I have now are into more "girly" interests than I have and still don't really "get" my preoccupation with the politics of Game of Thrones or learning how to speak fluent Sindarin. They're my friends anyway and we find other stuff to talk about.

I repeat, if you have problems making friends with women, you are the problem and it means your friendship-making skills could use an overhaul.

[ariakas]

How in the world did you only befriend backstabbing bitches in school, and only befriend raging sexist assholes after that? Maybe you're the one who should pick some lottery numbers, anon.

Either that or, more likely, the common denominator is you. You had a few bad female friendships and decided to write off the gender, and because of said bitterness sought (actively or unconsciously) men who shared your toxic views.

I'm glad you got over your internalized misogyny, anon, but the rest of this reads like a steaming pile of issues.

[(Anonymous)]

That's kind of my point? My friendship-making skills at the time sucked. The problem was most definitely me. Like I said, if you have trouble making friends with an entire subset of people (women, blacks, Hispanics, LBGT, literally any demographic goes here), then the problem is you, not the people in that demographic.

[ariakas]

Fair enough, then!

I think everyone's misreading you, anon (including me). Prepare your internet asshole for umbrage.

[(Anonymous)]

sa: Not what I meant. All your guy friends were jerks and you turned to women instead of looking for better friends of any gender.

[(Anonymous)]

It seems you missed the part where it took a really long time to figure out they were assholes in the first place. That kind of happens when you're raised by an asshole, so "asshole" is more normal and comforting to you.

[(Anonymous)]

I've made one friend in my life who turned out to be an asshole. One.

You got one thing right in your first post: when someone is having trouble making friends, then they're the problem. You befriended assholes because you were one.

SA

[(Anonymous)]

Reading your responses to the others now, it seems that you realize this. So, sorry for misreading you, on that front. I can't speak for anyone else, but the reason I did is because the "you've never befriended anyone who turned out to be an asshole" comment just seemed really defensive.

Re: SA

[(Anonymous)]

It was, yes, because I've heard the "well you shouldn't have been friends with assholes in the first place!" line ad nauseam. As if I have an Asshole Geiger Counter or some shit.

When you're raised by a psycho possessive parent who didn't allow you to have friends at all (as in she never let me leave the house unless it was with her on an errand or to go to school, and I wasn't allowed to make or receive phone calls to anybody except family; the internet didn't exist commercially until I was in junior high, and even then it was newsgroups and mailing lists and that was it), you tend to take what you can get no matter how bad they are for you. In fact, you're more likely to gravitate toward assholes because The Devil You Know. The way they treat you is no different than the way you're treated at home, so it can take a while to figure out they're assholes at all.

It's easy to say "you should've learned not to make friends with assholes" when you know the difference between "assholes" and "friebds" from the get-go, and didn't grow up thinking that kind of shit was just how the world works.

Re: SA

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I...don't have too many words. I'm sorry that your mom was so crazy and that you had such a rough time of it when you were young, anon. :( It sounds like things are better for you now, so I'm glad for that.

Re: SA

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks. It's something I don't think a lot of people realize unless they've been in toxic relationships for a good chunk of their lives. When you grow up thinking it's normal for you to be treated like shit, you tend to seek out people who treat you like shit because that's the only way your life makes sense.

Re: SA

[(Anonymous)]

DA chiming in with a "FUCK YES, THIS."

One of the reasons it's been so hard for me to form stable friendships is because people treating me like a human being and genuinely caring about me is frightening. I'm used to there always being some ulterior motive, so whenever someone starts getting close and friendly, that's the first thing my mind jumps to. Wondering what they want, what they're using me for. Because that's the pattern I learned; people are only nice to me when they want something.

When someone's affection is unconditional -- when there isn't an obvious "something" that I'm giving them in exchange for it -- my brain freaks out and starts trying to attach conditions to it. Because while unconditional affection is a great thing to normal people, to me, that just means I can be dropped and abandoned anytime (and my brain then convinces itself I probably will be since there's nothing I'm offering in return, so I start withdrawing from them first).